


My Life in a Nutshell: A Spencer Hawke Novel

by Pinkwebby



Series: Spencer Hawke AU [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anders Positive, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Love Triangles, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Fenris/Hawke, Modern Era, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-22 11:57:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 55,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8284988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkwebby/pseuds/Pinkwebby
Summary: Spencer Hawke needs a job, Spencer Hawke needs a roommate. Spencer Hawke needs a lot of things, is romance one of them?





	1. The beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! If this is your first time reading, welcome! Unfortunately, I've had some people give me bad comments that I did not appreciate, so I felt a warning was needed at the beginning of the story. Though it does say there is FenHawke here, this is a love triangle. So there is Handers as well. This will also be mostly Handers. And if you don't like that...well, don't read!

### Chapter One:

Hawke could never count himself as a kind and gentle man. His words were usually filled with sarcasm and wittiness that would have mothers ‘tsking’ at him on a daily basis. Spencer Hawke could off-put someone with an easily timed joke that left them glowering at him.

“Hawke, please tell me you are actually listening to me,” Came a pleading voice from across the table.

He focused his eyes towards the voice and he made out the shape of his sister, who had her hands clasped tightly around a cup of hot cocoa.

“I most definitely was listening. Definitely not thinking about how humorous I am,” He responded, glancing down at his cup, which no matter how hard he stared at it, had no more coffee in it.

“This is serious, Spencer, please listen to me,” She reached over and gently squeezed his hand.

“Hold on, let me put on my serious face,” Spencer turned his lips down and stared at her with as serious a face he could muster under the circumstances, “How’s this? I’m listening.”

She slapped her hand down on his, her face crinkled into a smile, “This is not the time for jokes, really, you are immature. Why do I have to act like the only grown-up in these situations?”

“Because you are the only grown-up?” Hawke offered, his mouth sliding back into an easy-going smile.

She took a deep breath, before she looked him in the eyes very seriously. Spencer wasn’t sure how to act, so he watched her carefully, waiting for her to speak.

“I’m worried about you,” She started, which led him to snort. “Don’t laugh at me, Spencer! I’m your sister, and I’m allowed to be worried about you!” She snapped.

“Correction, you’re my _little_ sister. Little means that I should worry about you, not the other way around. Besides that, I’m fine! Do I look like the type of person you should be worrying about?” He gestured to himself, he, who was in a large faded black sweatshirt and loose dark washed jeans with a pair of neon yellow flipflops that did not match the season they were in.

Her look made him chuckle, “I take that back, maybe you should worry a little bit.”

“You just got fired, again, from a stable job. You barely have any money to support yourself. You have a degree in business administration, but you’ve done nothing with that so far. You’re 32, Spencer, I think it’s time you started actually taking care of yourself,” Bethany said, her eyes boring into his.

“Thank you mother, I will take all these thoughts into consideration when I take a nap later today,” He responded.

Spencer stood up to leave, but Bethany grabbed his hand. He twisted his neck to look down at her.

“I got you an interview, today, at three. It’s for a job as a hospital administrative assistant. I want you down there, in the nice suit I bought you, prepared to fight for this job,” She said, her voice demanding.

“Are you trying to make me into one of those little old assistants that people yell at when they can’t see their son who has a broken finger?” He questioned jokingly.

“It pays well enough, brother. You know I’m just trying to help,” She said, releasing his wrist.

Hawke reached down and patted her head, knowing she hated it. “Trust me, I know you are trying. It’s just that I’m _not_ trying.”

He threw his cup away and left the warm coffee shop. Outside, Kirkwall was covered in a thick layer of snow and ice. He almost slipped as he left, knocking his shoulder against someone and sending them on their butt.

“Oh crap, I’m sorry. I don’t know my own strength sometimes,” Hawke said, reaching out to help them up.

The man glared up at him through a mess of white hair, his green eyes piercing Hawke’s.

“It seems that way, doesn’t it?” He replied coldly, taking Hawke’s hand begrudgingly.

He hauled him to his feet, a charming smile coming to Spencer’s face.

He was hot. Well, in the brooding, hunched over way. It almost seemed like the man was trying to purposely hide his good looks. A white tattoo sprawled lazily on his chin, going down his throat and disappearing under a loose fitting red sweatshirt.

The man caught Hawke’s gaze, and he wrenched his hand from Spencer’s grip. Realizing Hawke had been staring and holding his hand made his cheeks heat up.

“Sorry again for sliding into you,” Hawke said sheepishly, quickly walking away.

The man watched him go, Spencer could feel his eyes on his back as he speed walked down the slippery sidewalk.

Hawke didn’t get very far, maybe a few feet, before he hit a particularly solid patch of ice. He had put down his foot and it slid. He yelped as his foot flew up and his back hit the ground, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

This was not going to be a good day.

Spencer sat there for a few seconds, the snow soaking into his back, shock filling his head. And then a face appeared into view, it was the same man, and he looked down at Hawke with disdain. “You are very clumsy,” He stated dryly, his hair had little snowflakes trapped in it, though you could barely see them as his hair was whiter than the snow.

“I blame my flipflops, how dare they force me to wear them,” Hawke joked, heaving himself into a sitting position.

“Flipflops? In the middle of winter?” The man questioned with a bewildered expression, his eyes travelling down to Hawke’s feet.

Spencer wiggled his toes and realized one of his shoes had broken, the strap had torn itself out of its socket, leaving Hawke without something holding his sandal together.

“Well shit!” Hawke exclaimed, reaching down and looking at it with a broken expression, “I’m so sorry, my love. You’re in a better place now.” He told the flipflop sadly, placing his hand over the middle of it. The man snorted and walked around Hawke so he was in front of him. He put out his hand, his face looked annoyed.

Startled at his sudden kindness, Hawke couldn’t help but grin, “You’re a bit…small to be helping me up, good sir. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of yet another unfortunate fall.”

“I am just returning the favor, is all. I could just walk away, _good sir_ ,” He replied, using Hawke’s own words in a mocking tone. His voice was gravelly and low and it sent tingles down Spencer’s spine and hot damn, this man was the whole package. His personality was a bit meh, but Hawke could just ignore that when he had his fantasies. Not like he would meet this man again.

“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Hawke said, clasping his hand. He wasn’t expecting a man that had to be at least one foot shorter than him to help him up so easily, especially when Spencer was being a lazy ass and not doing any work to get to his feet. The man pulled him up with a gracefulness that Hawke could never display if he tried.

Hawke moved away from the ice and steadied himself on a dry patch of cement, running his fingers through his hair, which he was sure had snow caught in it.

“Thanks for your help, shorty. I’ll be sure to remember you in all my wet dreams,” Hawke said, winking.

The man’s whole face turned a deep shade of crimson, but his eyes were glaring daggers at Spencer. He didn’t say anything else and he went on his merry way.

Hawke watched him leave, his eyes flickering to his ass, before he turned and went the other way. Spencer checked his phone and saw he had about an hour before that blasted interview that Bethany unwillingly signed him up for.

And then as soon as that was over, someone had called him a couple days prior saying they wanted to meet him for his roommate wanted posters he put up. Unfortunately, he couldn’t remember the guy’s name. But, he had to show the guy around his apartment at five. He was going to have to rush around all day. He sighed, avoiding an ice patch, he kept up his swift pace.

This was going to be a busy day.

His apartment was in the newer part of town, so it wasn’t as nice as the old-timey parts of town. Hawke didn’t always have the greatest salary, so he had a two bedroom two bath apartment. He had always wanted to down grade, but Bethany suggested he got a roommate. He didn’t really know many of his neighbors, they mostly kept to themselves just like he did. Most of them were clean people. His building was pretty standard, he had to slid a key card to get in, and then he took the rickety old elevator up to the third floor, the kind that would bounce if you moved too much in it. 

Once he was at his apartment, which was only about a five-minute walk from the coffee shop, he had to get dressed in the suit that Bethany had bought him.

Hawke was not a fancy man, his wardrobe consisted of t-shirts, sweatshirts, jeans, and sweatpants. Almost everything he owned was disgustingly bright colored, or black. He hated the color white, so whenever he got a white shirt, the only time he would wear it was around home.

The suit Bethany got him was hung up neatly in the laundry room, and it still had a plastic wrap hanging over it. He had not touched this suit since she had gotten it for him for interviewing a good half a year ago. He slipped it out of the plastic casing and scowled at it. He hated formal wear, it was so tight and boring.

With a sigh, he threw off his comfy clothes and tried to put on the suit. When was the last time he had put on a suit? How did these things work?

He fussed with the button-up shirt, missing one button hole and having to start over. He put on the pants and he had to suck in his belly to get them to zip up. Did he gain that much weight in the past six months? He needed to go to the gym.

The jacket was the easiest thing to put on, and the tie was the hardest. As he was trying to knot it together, his doorbell rang a couple times. He angrily let go of the tie and went over to the door. He yanked it open and stared at the person who disturbed him while he was trying to become a proper young man.

“Can’t you see I’m having a crisis?!” Hawke hissed at Varric, who was barely holding onto the leash of his excited dog.

The shorter man raised his head from his phone to focus on Hawke, when he noticed what he was wearing, Varric pursed his lips to keep his laughter from escaping.

“You are a horrible person. Give me my dog and leave me in my own personal hell,” Spencer said, putting out his hand for the leash.

“It’s your fault Havoc got out again, Hawke. Leaving the door open while you talk with me is not a good idea!” Varric said, handing over the leash gladly.

“Well, in my defense, Havoc is a sneaky 200-pound mutt. She is surprisingly quiet Varric, don’t let her fool you,” Hawke said, shooing the dog inside and closing the door.

“Uh-huh, right. Now that I brought your sneaky pooch back, what’s with the suit? You look like your about to be in one of those pornos, you know which ones.”

“Sadly Varric, it will not be that fun. I got a job interview today. Bethany set it up,” Hawke said, fidgeting with the stupid tie once again.

“Get down here and let me fix that tie, it’s obvious you can’t even do that,” Varric said.

“You should know I don’t get on my knees for just anyone Varric. At least take me to dinner first,” Spencer replied, before going down on one knee so Varric could reach his neck.

“If you weren’t so damn tall, Hawke, we wouldn’t have this problem. You’re like a god damn skyscraper,” Varric muttered, tying the tie with precision.

It didn’t surprise Spencer that Varric, a well-known author, could tie a tie proficiently. He had to wear suits all the time, and Hawke could never see how he could do it all day. It was a labor for him just to put on this suit today, how could Varric do it every day of his life?

“I’m not like a skyscraper,” He made a pouty face, “I’m more like a three-story apartment building,” He mumbled.

“And what would that make me?” Varric asked, tying the tie a bit too tight.

Hawke choked and laughed, “You would be a nice modern one story house, with lots of expensive furniture.”

Varric finished and waved his hand at Hawke to stand, which he did. Once that was over with, he checked the time.

“Shit, I gotta go, Bethany just sent me the address and it’s already 2:45,” Hawke said, turning to go in the house.

“I guess you’re actually going and not putting on that suit for a weird fetish?” Varric quipped as Hawke opened the apartment door.

“Both, actually. I’ll see you later hot stuff,” Hawke winked at a disgusted Varric, before closing his door.

He just needed to put on his shoes, grab his keys and his dusty ass résumé that Bethany helped write out.

His phone buzzed and he checked it, noticing it was an unknown number.

‘Are we still meeting for the roommate tour’ It asked.  
‘Yes b here around five’ He texted back, before heading out.

The hospital he was applying at was about a ten-minute walk from his apartment, which was helpful if he really did get a job there. As he approached it, he realized it was the new hospital they just built a year ago. He only knew that because there was barely any graffiti adorning the outside walls.

His nerves were starting to buzz as he loosened the tie that Varric put on to choke him to death. It wasn’t like this was his first job interview, but this one felt different. With this one, he might have an actual chance.

He went through the glass revolving door, almost smacking his forehead against the glass and getting a giggle out of the couple in the door behind him.

He went to the receptionist’s desk, and the young lady pointed him to the elevator, saying the interview was on the fourth floor. Hawke went up to the fourth floor, and by this point, his palms were becoming sweaty.

He met another receptionist who pointed him to an office down the left hallway, the last room on the left.

He followed the directions and ended up in a rather cozy office. The walls were painted a darker blue, contrasting to the white tile of the hospital nicely. The place had books piling up in corners, but it didn’t feel cluttered. A beautifully carved mahogany desk sat in the middle of the room with papers and books scattered around it. A very comfy desk chair sat behind it, with black cushions that made Hawke just sleepy looking at them. Two hard plastic white chairs sat in front of the desk, harsh against the dark colors of the office. The room smelled of coffee and for some reason, apples.

Hawke quickly sat down in the uncomfortable white chair, and it made a squeaking noise when he sat down. And either Hawke was way too tall, or the chair was way too low, because his knees were almost inside his rib cage.

He looked over his résumé material, not bothering to read the words, but needing something to keep him busy.

After a couple minutes, someone cleared their throat behind him, making him jump. His knees hit his upper stomach and he had to stifle a small groan at the flowering pain.

“Oh, I’m very sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” The man said as Hawke stood up painfully.

“No, it’s alright, I just wasn’t expecting you,” Hawke huffed out, putting out his hand and shaking his.

Hawke peered down at the man, who was a few inches shorter than him. He was wearing dark blue scrubs, but his face, oh shit, his face. He had a nice face, it was square face that fit perfectly on his wide shoulders and thick neck. He had small squinted eyes, but Hawke could make out the warm color of auburn in his irises. He had a rather large forehead, but his hair was a dark brown, tied back into a small ponytail. He stood up tall, almost the complete opposite of the man Hawke had met earlier, he thought with a chuckle.

“And you are?” The man asked, derailing Hawke’s train of thought.

“I’m sorry, my name is Spencer Hawke. It’s nice to meet you, um-“

“I’m Dr. Anders. You may call me Anders if you’d like,” The man said with a slight flirtatious tone.

Spencer, only taken aback momentarily, nodded. “You can call me Hawke; nobody uses my first name anyways.”

“Alright Mr. Hawke. If you would like to sit down, I’ll take a look at your résumé. This is for the administrative assistant position, yes?” He said, his voice back to professionalism.

Hawke nodded, swallowing hard. Did Hawke hear wrong, was he losing his hearing? For a moment, it sounded like the doctor was flirting with him, but maybe he was thinking that because the man was rather good looking.

Spencer handed the doctor his résumé, and Anders looked over it quietly. It took him five minutes to go through the whole thing, and when he was done, he looked up at Hawke with narrowed eyes. Hawke swallowed hard, wondering if he was about to be bombarded with questions.

“It seems you have the degree for this position at least. But,” Anders looked him in the eyes, “why should we hire you? It seems you haven’t worked for a good five months. Why are you more qualified than the others who have applied?”

There it was. The question of the hour. Something Hawke wanted to ask himself. Bethany got him the interview, he didn’t seek this job out himself. Why would he want a job like this?

Time to spout some bullshit and hope it works.

“Well, I got my degree in business administration because I needed to get a job quickly. My mom didn’t have a job and when I was 22, my father died. It was a rough time for my younger siblings. I had to get a job to support them. Honestly, I would’ve chosen another path if I could, but now I’m here. I want this job because I want to go somewhere in life, and to do that, you must start small. I thought that something like an assistant would be a good place to start,” Hawke explained, hoping it would work. 

Most of it was true, but he could care less about where this job got him.

“You sound very…genuine when you talk about this job. That will definitely get you places. Sometimes, it’s not always good though,” Anders said.

“Will it possibly get me coffee with the handsome doctor in front of me?” Spencer replied charmingly. Maybe if he flirted a little, it would make it easier to get this job. Buttering up folks wasn’t exactly a nice talent, but he took pride where he could.

He did not seem fazed in the least, but he did put his elbow on the desk and put his chin in his palm, looking at Hawke with leisure.

“A tempting offering, but on another occasion. I would like to ask you a couple more questions, and then you may leave.”

The last few questions were basic interview questions that Hawke answered with ease, and then he was free from that hellish interview.

He checked his phone and saw it was 5 on the nose. How he spent a good two hours with that man was appalling. He was going to be late to the meeting with his possible roommate. That was not going to leave a good impression. He practically ran to his apartment, almost slipping on the damn ice a couple times. He loved winter, but only when water didn’t freeze all over the stupid ground. He was prone to slipping and falling.

He made it to his apartment five minutes later, shaving off half the time it took him to get to the hospital. He wound up wheezing by the stairs to the apartment, his breath coming out in white puffs into the cold air. He definitely needed to go to the gym soon. Once he caught his breath, he looked around to see if his own interviewee was waiting outside. He noticed someone was watching him from the stairs, and he realized it was the man from earlier. The one he accidentally ran into.

He approached him, tilting his head, secretly wondering if he was the one wanting to be his roommate.

The man looked up, and his eyes narrowed, “Do you live here? I was told to meet someone out here looking for a roommate. His name was Hawke or something like that.”

“Well shit,” Hawke muttered, before putting out his hand, “Uh, hi, my name is Spencer Hawke.”

The man’s eyes took on a look of dread before he masked it quickly. He stood up and put out his hand, shaking Hawke’s tentatively.

“I’m Fenris,” He said curtly, before turning his head to look at the apartment.

“Here, I’ll let you in so you can see the apartment,” Hawke fumbled for his key card, going up the steps and swiping his card.

Spencer could feel Fenris’ presence lingering behind him as he opened the door and motioned for the man to go inside. Fenris trailed inside and Hawke followed, going over to the elevator.

“Is there any particular reason you wanted a roommate?” Hawke asked nonchalantly.

“I just moved here a month ago, and I was kicked out of the motel I was staying at. I was hoping to take up a permanent residence somewhere close to my work,” Fenris said, his voice becoming stiff and cold.

“And you work at…”

“Is this part of the interview, because I do not prefer to answer that question,” Fenris responded, looking over at Hawke with his piercing green eyes.

“I suppose not, I would just like to know if you work at say, a strip club or maybe a grocery story. Because I could use a discount at both locations,” Hawke joked as the elevator buzzed for the third floor.

Fenris was clearly not impressed, as he just stared at Hawke with raised eyebrows. Hawke cleared his throat and got off, leading the way to his apartment door.

“I take down garbage whenever it gets full, but they take it away every Sunday. We have a PO box on the first floor. You would have your own bathroom, but I think the shower only does lukewarm or cold water. Your bedroom would be in the back, so it might be a bit colder. You can have my portable heater though. Her name is Havoc!” As Hawke unlocked the door, a big ball of short-haired fur attacked him with slobbery kisses. She usually would’ve knocked him over, but her interest was instantly piqued by the man standing next to Hawke.

Hawke corralled her inside and let Fenris in, where he was immediately knocked down by Havoc. Spencer shut the front door and approached them. Fenris was under the heap that was Havoc, his whole-body rigid as Havoc sniffed and happily lapped at his face.

“Havoc, old girl, I don’t think he enjoys your kisses as much as I do, c’mon, let him up!” He grabbed the big mutt by her collar and pulled her away from the smaller man.

Fenris sat there for a moment, before he got up slowly, his eyes trained on the dog. He looked up at Hawke finally, “Where is the bedroom?”

Hawke looked down at Havoc, before sending her into his bedroom, shutting the door while Fenris was around.

“You don’t like dogs?” He questioned Fenris, passing the living room and going down a small hallway to the only door there.

“It is not that I don’t like them, I am just, slightly frightened of big dogs. I am sure Havoc is a nice 500-pound dog,” He said careful.

“Hey, my dog isn’t that over-weight. She’s only _200_ pounds, and most of that is just fur!” He defended his dog jokingly, opening the door to the bedroom.

Fenris went inside to look around while Hawke stayed in the doorway explaining costs.

“You would pay half the rent and electricity. I can usually pay for plumbing myself, and the garbage costs nothing. I don’t mind sharing the food I buy, but we might not have the same tastes and if you don’t like to share your food, I understand,” Hawke explained, leaning against the doorframe.

“It looks quite…clean, compared to the rest of the house,” Fenris said slowly. There was a mattress in the middle of the room, with one wooden dresser in the corner beside a closet. The bathroom door was open and it was across from the dresser.

“I clean to the best of my abilities. It might just be that my abilities are limited to how lazy I feel,” Hawke responded.

That got Fenris’ lips to move slightly towards a smile, but he did not laugh. Hawke let him leave the room and he shut the door.

“I don’t have cable either, so they are pretty basic channels. I do have a smart tv though, so I have Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube. All anyone needs to survive the hardship that is life.

“There’s a patio outside that’s covered by the patio of the people upstairs. It’s pretty nice in the spring and fall. The wind is nice when you live on the third floor.”

Finally, they made it back around to the door, where Fenris stood looking Hawke up and down, before his eyes went back to his face.

“So, do you have any weird habits, a mysterious past perhaps? Any weird fetishes? I need to know these things or else I can’t show you all the cool clubs I attend,” Hawke said, leaning against the wall and looking down at Fenris, folding his arms over his chest.

“Do you always wear business attire when you’re at home?” Fenris asked, tilting his head. He looked more curious than insulting.

“Ah, no. I mostly go around in pajamas or boxers. I had a job interview today, trying to get a job,” Hawke explained, shrugging his shoulders, then he jabbed his index finger at Fenris, “You didn’t answer my questions. Are you distracting me? I demand the truth!”

Fenris did smile at that, a small smile that made Hawke’s heart flutter nervously.

“I have no weird habits, Hawke. The question is, do you have a habit of telling people you’ll have wet dreams about them?”

Spencer scrunched up his face and bit down on his lip, “I did say that, didn’t I? I honestly thought we would never meet again. Though I’m not saying you aren’t worth having kinky dreams about, I’m just saying that if we were roommates, I wouldn’t try anything, unless you’re into that kind of stuff. Um, I think I’ll shut up now,” Hawke trailed off, sliding his hand down his face before saying, “You’re allowed to leave and never come back if you want, I would understand.”

After a few moments of silence, he raked his eyes up Fenris’ body, making his way to his face. Fenris was just staring at him, and Hawke stared back.

“I’ll think about it and let you know soon. Besides the dog and your shameful confession, I really like the look of this place,” Fenris said, a smile playing at his lips still. He took a breath, before going back to his usual brooding demeanor, “Thank you for showing me around.”

And like that, he was gone.


	2. What is the world coming too?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is surprised when Anders brings up something he said.

### Chapter Two:

Hawke’s phone beeped angrily, making the man groan in response. He slid his hand up to his face and rubbed it, muttering a couple of curses. He reached over to the nightstand and felt around for his phone, knocking over an empty water bottle in his search. His phone buzzed once again, and Hawke opened his eyes, snatching up his phone and trying to figure out who would call him in the middle of the afternoon.

The number was unknown, and he almost didn’t want to answer, but he thought better of it and picked up.

There was a ruffling sound on the other end and then a whispering voice said, “Hawke?”

“Isabela?” Hawke mumbled, rubbing his eye with a couple of fingers and checking the time on his clock, “It’s like one in the afternoon. That means Hawke’s beauty rest time. What could you possibly need now?”

“Is your car out of the shop? I need a ride home,” She said, her voice still quiet, as if she was trying not to wake someone.

“Isabela,” He groaned, scratching his head and slipping out of bed, “You’re in luck, and you better be damn grateful when I come to get you. If I turn out to look like a piece of shit tomorrow, I’ll know who to blame.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll take whatever the consequence is, I just really need a ride,” She gave him the address and hung up after.

Hawke groaned once again, arching his back in a stretch, he picked up the pants he wore yesterday and put them on, going out into the living room to find a jacket.

The lights were off, so he didn’t flip them on. He heard Havoc yawn from the couch and she wagged her tail as he approached. He grabbed his black sweatshirt out from behind her and slipped it over his bare chest. He slipped his feet into his new flip flops and grabbed his keys. Patting Havoc, he left.

Where ever Isabela was, it wasn’t the best part of town. He realized that when people started giving him dirty looks for his taste in car. It wasn’t like he had a nice car, it was a Nissan Rogue and it had a huge dent in the passenger side door, because he couldn’t pay the mechanic to fix it. But the slums were so bad, that even his car looked nice.

He pulled up to the broken-down house Isabela told him she was at. It had an iron fence around it, but it was wrenched around and pulled out at some parts. There was a little garden by the stairs, but the flowers were long dead, and there was a suspicious looking plant growing instead. The door had a screen door on it, but it was broke on one hinge, so it flapped in the harsh winter wind.

Hawke decided it would be best he did not leave his car unattended, so instead, he honked three or four times. He wasn’t going to rescue Isabela inside that house. He would probably be jumped as soon as he walked in.

And there came Isabela, clad in her normal attire. A crop top with some kind of slander and booty shorts that weren’t even buttoned-up. Her hair was a mess and her make-up was smeared on her face.

She walked down the stairs, and she almost fell on her butt as she approached. Hawke rolled down the window, pushing his sunglasses down a little to look over her.

“Rough night?” He asked, unlocking the car for her to get in.

She glared at him and made a noise in her throat, “You’re not funny.” She pointed out, going over to the passenger side and getting in.

She instantly reclined the seat to a horizontal position and curled up, as if she was going to sleep.

“Hey, listen here, you shit. You made me come all the way out here, during my nappie, to pick up your hungover ass. You will not be sleeping in my car!” Hawke exclaimed, only half-serious. He pointed at her as he pulled out.

Isabela nodded, but she didn’t get up and kept her eyes closed. Hawke let out an irritated sigh as he drove back to his apartment. He was not going to give her the luxury of him wasting his gas to take her home. She was walking her ass home from his house.

“This isn’t the way to my house,” Isabela commented lazily, stretching out her long limbs.

“Yeah, that’s right, miss call Hawke when he’s told her over and over he is asleep in the afternoons. You can walk home from my apartment. I’m leaving you right on the stairs,” He declared as he parked the car and got out.

“You are a cruel cruel man. How dare you leave a lady to walk home!” Isabela said loudly, following him up the stairs to the apartment door.

“You’re a cruel woman for waking me up early enough to kill me,” Hawke hissed back, sliding his card to go inside.

He tried his best to close the door before she could slip in, but she grabbed the door and wrenched it out of his grip, almost knocking him off his feet from her brute force.

“Don’t fall asleep at three in the morning and blame me later for being tired!” Isabela responded dryly.  
Hawke clenched his teeth and glared at his friend, who in turn glared back.

“Invite me inside,” She said, a smile gracing her plump lips.

“Ugh, you’re impossible,” He finally said, going over to the elevator to call it down.  
“I’ll take that as an invite!” She replied, following after him.

Once they were upstairs, Hawke approached the door and twisted the knob. The door was unlocked, so he went inside, Isabela trailing behind him.

“You never leave the door unlock, is someone here?” Isabela questioned suspiciously.

“Yes, Isabela. Everyone is here for your intervention. Go and sit in the living room so we can all explain our feelings about your horrible habits,” Hawke responded sarcastically, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and tossing it to the floor.

“I didn’t know that included you getting naked for me. Though I do appreciate the sentiment, I think we roll different ways, Hawke,” Isabela teased, heading into the living room.

“Please make me some coffee, I got a horrible headache,” She called.

“I am not your maid, Isabela. Please refrain from thinking me as such,” Hawke called back, kicking off his shoes.

“Oh hello, gorgeous. What’s your name?” He heard Isabela in the living room, and for a moment, he thought she was talking to Havoc, but then he realized she _really_ didn’t like his dog.

He walked into the living room, sporting a large glass of iced coffee he kept in the fridge for Isabela.  
His eyes darted over to the couch to see a stiff Fenris sitting on the couch in an oversized green t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His hair was disheveled, like he had just woken up. Fenris turned his gaze to Hawke, and he frowned, his eyes clouded with sleep and a slight hint of annoyance.

Spencer handed Isabela her coffee before turning to Fenris, “I’m sorry about this. This is Isabela. Isabela, this is my roommate, Fenris,” He introduced them.

Fenris didn’t seem very impressed and didn’t make any move to say hello. Isabela though scooted closer to him while sipping on her coffee.

“So you’re not one of Hawke’s many boyfriends? Good, he gets all the action, I need some attention too,” She whimpered, setting her amber colored eyes onto Fenris.

“Hey, I don’t have more than one boyfriend at a time! And I don’t even have one currently or else you would know because you snoop around my personal life,” He accused Isabela, sitting in his recliner and watching them.

“I didn’t even know you had a roommate, how could I know you had a boyfriend? How long has he been staying here?”

“About a month,” Hawke said, clenching his fist. He loved Isabela dearly, she was a good friend, but the way she pried into his business and went head-first into sexual relationships bothered him immensely.

“Hawke is quite messy, isn’t he? I lived with him for a while, but I had to leave because of his shameful fetishes and that dog of his,” She said.

“I kicked you out for that reason, Isabela! You’re the one with weird fetishes,” Spencer said, trying to defend himself from Isabela’s horrible onslaught.

“I think I am going to go back to bed,” Fenris declared, clearly feeling awkward in the conversation.

He stood up, but Isabela grabbed his arm, standing with him, “Maybe I could join you?” She asked seductively.

Hawke made a disgusted face at her clear flirtation, making gagging noises. Fenris, on the other hand, did not find her amusing in the least, taking his arm from her grip, he looked back at her, “I don’t think that will be necessary, I can sleep just fine without some women in my bed,” He said, stalking off and shutting his bedroom door.

“Great, now he’s going to move out because your whorish tendencies scared him off! I had just started our relationship. We were on a good course!” Hawke accused her.

“Well he must be gay to not go for my seductive ways. Lucky you, Hawke. You get all the hot men, I swear,” She said, poking him in the chest.

Hawke’s cheeks lit up and he crossed his arms, “You don’t know for certain if Fenris is gay! Maybe he’s just not into crazy alcoholics such as yourself,” He said in a teasing manner.

“I might be an alcoholic, yes. But crazy? That’s just rude,” She retorted, finishing her coffee and checking the time on her phone.

“Well, I gotta go, I got work in an hour. Thanks for the coffee and the ride to your house. I’ll return the favor,” She kissed his cheek and flounced to the door.

“No you won’t,” he called after her as she shut the door.

With that out of the way, he could finally go to bed. He started shimmying out of his sweatpants, when he heard the creak of a door opening.

“Is she gone?” He heard Fenris’ groggy voice flitter through the hall.

Hawke chuckled, “You’re clear.”

He heard some shuffling, and Fenris came into view, still wearing the same thing. The man plopped down on the couch and flipped the tv on.

“I’m sorry about her, she isn’t always like that,” Spencer said apologetically.

“Why are you apologizing for her? You did nothing wrong. I am just not used to women coming onto me that strong is all,” Fenris said, turning his gaze to Hawke.

“Strong isn’t the right word for what she was doing. I would go for a word like indomitable or something,” He trailed off before giving Fenris a sideways glance, “Do women tend to flirt with you a lot?”

“It seems I have a weird scent that attracts women,” Fenris mused, a small frown coming to his face.

“Does that bother you?” Hawke questioned, raising his eyebrow.  
“In most situations, yes. Women specifically aren’t really my taste,” Fenris said, his gaze piercing Hawke’s.

It took Spencer a second to go over the words Fenris had said, and for some reason, he made his whole face turn red. He stood up suddenly, turning away from Fenris, “I gotta go, I um, have an important meeting to attend to, in uh, my bedroom,” He said quickly, looking back at Fenris momentarily.

He looked slightly confused, but his lips had curled slightly.

Being the clumsy person that Hawke was, as soon as he turned to make a hasty escape, he ran right into the wall, smacking his head against the plaster. “Fuck!” He cursed. With Hawke having a thick skull, as his sister would often say, it left a dent in the wall.

He slid around the wall, not missing the chuckle that came from Fenris, before he practically sprinted into his room, slamming the door closed.

Scaring Havoc, who was curled up in the middle of his bed, he flung himself onto the bed, landing half-way onto Havoc, who had curled back up.

He curled his fingers into Havoc’s coarse fur and shook his head. Fenris had just told him that he wasn’t interested in women. Was it a sign from the Heavens? Was the Maker teasing him with hot guys he had no chance of dating? Fenris wasn’t even saying it in a flirtatious manner, but Hawke had gotten so flustered by it. He just moved in a month ago, and they rarely talked, he barely knew anything about Fenris, and vice versa. They were just roommates, and when they did talk, it was about payments and sometimes food. Hawke had always slightly desired to have a better relationship with Fenris, but whenever he worked up the courage to say something, he just ended up rambling on about weird things.

He grabbed one of his pillows and contemplated smothering himself, until his phone rang. He groaned, thinking maybe Isabela was already calling him. He dug his phone out of his pocket and checked the number. It was his work. Great.

“Hello?” He answered, his voice sounding annoyed even to him.

“I hope I didn’t call at a bad time, Mr. Hawke, but Ms. Laura called out sick a few moments ago. We need someone for her shift tonight. It’s from 3 to 12,” A familiar feminine voice said.

“Merrill, I told you that you can call me Hawke, you make me feel old,” Hawke replied, rubbing his face.  
“I’m sorry, Mr.- err, Hawke. Can you come in though?” She asked kindly.

He let out a sigh, and told her he would, saying goodbye, he stood up.

There went his beauty rest.  
!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!  
Work was a bore as always, especially when night came around. Though there were a few visitors to the patients, and there were usually no emergencies on the fourth floor. They dealt with the elderly and coma patients, so usually only visitors showed up.

There was the occasion elder being rolled in on a stretcher, but they didn’t need Hawke’s help for that. He was mostly there to send and receive mail, update records, copy papers, type up reports, etc.

So, he sat silently, only smiling when a visitor came up to him to sign in as a guest, and he would tell them which room the patient was in and if they could visit or not.

Hawke put his elbow on the desk and put his chin in his palm with a sigh. He peered down at his phone, which was sitting silently next to him. Fenris had texted earlier and said he had to go to work for an emergency, but no one else had texted him. Hawke wondered what kind of emergency Fenris had at his work, but made no attempt to ask because it would seem that he was prying.

There was an upside to working the evening shift, and it started with an ‘A’.

“Hello Hawke, working hard as ever, I see,” Anders approached his desk with a neatly packed folder.

Hawke glanced up at the handsome man with a shrug and a smile, “I always give it my all, sir.”

“Well, here are more records, if you could see they get put in the computer and then put on the right shelf in my office, I would appreciate it,” Anders said, his face crinkling into a smile.

“Only for you, darling,” Hawke responded with a cheeky smile.

Anders pointed at him, as if telling him not to slack off, before he went back down the hall. Hawke watched him go, before he opened his computer to start typing in the records. It was halfway through the typing that his eyes became watery and his eyelids started to droop. He yawned and wiped at his eyes, before he closed them for a moment.

It only felt like a minute he got to lay down his head before someone was shaking him awake. He groaned and mumbled something incoherently.

“Hawke, really, this is a workplace, not your bed,” He heard Anders’ amused voice in his ear.

“I think that the matter is up for debate,” Hawke said as he leaned back in his chair and opened his eyes. Anders was standing next to him, looking down at him with a hint of amusement, but mostly disapproval.

“I don’t think so, why would I be anywhere near your bed?” Anders questioned.

“There are a lot of dirty jokes I could say right now, but for the sake of your virgin ears, I won’t say any,” Spencer said with a yawn.

“Your humor is dreadful, I don’t know how you live with yourself,” Anders said with a sigh.

“Pretty easily, if I’m being honest. I start my day off like everyone else,” He paused for effect, before continuing on, “with one pant leg at a time.”

Anders chuckled despite himself, and looked down at Hawke’s work on the computer.

“You’ve only written out half the records, you might have to stay later tonight if you want to finish this and then update this record I was bringing over,” Anders said, setting down a few sheets of paper.

“As long as you’ll be here, I don’t mind staying late,” Hawke responded without thinking.

His flirtatious tone caught himself off guard, but Anders didn’t seem the least bit fazed, just like he was at the interview.

“If you can finish before I leave, maybe I’ll take up your offer for coffee,” Anders offered, stifling a yawn that tried to escape from his lips.

Hawke cocked one of his eyebrows up at the lead doctor, “Coffee?”

“Remember at your interview, you asked if I would go out for coffee. If you pay for it, I could go for some tonight,” Anders said, a mocking smile on his face.

It was true that Hawke did offer coffee to Anders, but that was on the pretense that he had no chance to get the job and was just trying to flirt to get some brownie points towards his slim chances.

“Um, alright. What time do you get off?” Hawke questioned, looking down at the rest of the work he had to do, then back up at the doctor.

Anders waved his hand and shrugged, “Sometime soon,” He said vaguely.

“I get no handicap? That’s quite cruel, doctor,” Hawke responded with a pouty face.

“Better hurry if you really want that coffee tonight,” Anders smirked at him, before checking his watch and leaving him to his work.

Hawke just sat for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed. Was Anders flirting with him? Did the boss doctor just ask him out? Was his luck really that great? Spencer shook his head furiously, knowing that he was just fooling himself. Unfortunately for him, not every sexy man he met was going to be gay.

Anders was probably just being a nice guy who was offering the receptionist boy some much-needed coffee. If Hawke could see himself, he was absolutely sure he looked like he just crawled out of a sleep-depraved hell. This was all Isabela’s fault.

He clenched his fists and went back to typing out the new record, finishing it as quick as he could. He tried to keep telling himself that it was finishing fast so he could go home and sleep, but the way Anders talked to him nagged at the back of his mind. It was rare that Hawke found one gay man without asking, AKA Fenris. But to find another homosexual where he works, that was a miracle.

Spencer kept his fast pace, updating the other record in no time. Finally, when it was well past one in the morning, he finished all his work and was packing up for the night.

He never saw Anders leave, and unless he slept in that nice office of his, then he assumed that Anders was still on duty. He let out his breath, shaking his head. The one time he actually works hard, his efforts are for not.

Hawke yanked his coat off the back of his chair and started putting it on when he heard someone approach the desk from behind.

“I assume you’re finished?” He heard Anders’ voice as he zipped up his jacket all the way to his neck.

“Nope, I just decided to sit here after hours and hang out,” Hawke responded sarcastically, turning to look back at Anders.

He was dressed in full winter attire, including a big, fluffy black coat, black gloves, and a red scarf wrapped around his neck. Hawke pursed his lips to keep from laughing.

Anders snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

“Are you off the clock?” Hawke asked, grabbing his keys and phone, stuffing them in his pockets.

“Oh, well, the truth is, I got off about half an hour ago,” Anders said sheepishly, tapping his fingernails on the desk.

“I hope you weren’t waiting around for little ol’me,” Hawke commented, heading towards the elevator with Anders following behind him.

“And if I said I was?” He questioned as they got on the elevator.

“Then I would make some kind of witty remark, maybe saying something along the lines ‘oh, you’re so sweet’ or perhaps ‘I’m not worth waiting for, sir’.”

“Neither of those seemed witty to me. Can’t you just speak your mind for once, Hawke?”

His reply caught Spencer off guard, and he peered over at Anders for a moment to see his cheeks were a rosy colored and he had his eyes pegged on the floor. He was _embarrassed_. 

“Oh, um… I guess I would say that I’m flattered? Is that a good word to describe it?” Hawke said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It really depends on the feelings you’re trying to portray,” Anders mumbled as the elevator dinged, scaring both of them.

Hawke stepped off and tried not to look back at Anders. He felt extremely awkward and was unsure what to say. He did find Anders to be an attractive man, but the sudden flirting caught him off guard. Maybe it was partially his fault for offering the man coffee when he was pining for the job. This was his boss, after all. He swallowed hard, crossing his arms as they went outside.

The street lights were on, bathing the sidewalks covered in snow with a harsh yellow light every few feet. It had snowed while they were working and fresh powder laid on the street, only being moved by the occasional car or a gust of cold wind.

“Maybe you should just head home for the night,” Anders suddenly said beside him.

“No, it’s alright. I offered you coffee, I’m not bailing out on it now. I know a place about five minutes from here,” Hawke shivered at the cold that was now burrowing in through his coat.

“If you’re sure,” Anders said uncertainly.

“It’s on the walk to my apartment anyways, don’t worry about it!” Hawke turned to Anders and gave him a warm reassuring smile.

As they walked, Spencer became colder and colder, and he realized that it was the middle of the night, it had to be in the negatives temperature wise.

“Watch out for ice, it’s slippery, trust me, I know,” Hawke said to Anders in a joking manner.

“Sounds like you can be quite clumsy,” Anders replied with a smile.

“If you’re bringing up the time I-“

“Tripped over my chair leg and spilled all the newly written records all over the office? Yes, I am.”

“You’re so savage, doctor, bringing up old wounds. How will I ever heal?” Hawke said, putting both his hands over his heart.

Anders chuckled as they approached Hawke’s favorite coffee shop, which was the one he frequently visited with his little sister.

“This is my favorite coffee shop by the way, the barista always knows what I want,” Hawke explained, opening the door for Anders.

Once they were inside, he noticed that there was no one in there except a dosing off man at the counter.

“Sebastian, my man!” Hawke bellowed, scaring the daylights out of the man at the counter.

“Hawke! Don’t do that! Maker’s breath, I thought I was about to be robbed or something,” Sebastian exclaimed, his whole red becoming red.

“Give me my usual, hot stuff,” Hawke said with a wink, leaning on the counter to stare dotingly at the barista.

Sebastian stared at him with an annoyed look, “I only remember Bethany’s order, you’ll have to remind me of yours,” Sebastian said bluntly.

Spencer sputtered and Anders started laughing, “I am hurt, Sebastian, am I not as important to you as Bethany?”

“Please just tell me your order Hawke, you know how much I hate your games,” Sebastian said with a sigh.

“Aw, Sebby, you ruin all the fun,” Hawke teased him by using a nickname Bethany sometimes called the man. Sebastian glared at him and then looked back at a giggling Anders pointedly, “Is he your boyfriend?”

“Why does everyone think I’m in a relationship? I’m single and ready to mingle, whenever you want to hand me those digits,” Hawke said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I really hate you, I will pray to the Maker for your forgiveness. Now, order a drink or leave,” Sebastian snapped.

“Black coffee with two creams and six sugars,” Hawke ordered, moving to the side so Anders could place an order.

“I’ll have black tea with one cream and two sugars,” Anders said, moving back while Hawke paid.

“Let’s go sit in the other room, I’m sure Sebby won’t mind bringing us our drinks,” Hawke said, pointing to another room. Once they went in, Hawke chose a little nook in the corner with two comfy loveseats facing one another with a glass coffee table in the middle.

Anders crossed one leg over the other, clasping his hands together over his stomach, he stared over at Hawke. Spencer was seated with his legs spread wide and his back melted into the back of the chair comfortably.

“So, it seems that you and that… Sebastian man are close,” Anders pointed out, his voice seeming a little tight.

“Ha, well you couldn’t be wronger. Sebastian doesn’t like my taste in the same sex, he actually finds me quite repulsive, so that’s why I tease him. I think he might have a thing for my sister in all honesty,” Hawke said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, that’s his loss then, isn’t it?” Anders said, smiling over at Spencer.

“You’re right, I am one smoking hot babe. I don’t know how any person, man or woman, could resist my charms,” He responded, showing off his arm muscles through his thin coat, which weren’t at their best, but still looked decent.

“I know that I’m not,” Anders agreed, before going silent.

Hawke’s cheeks turned red and he looked away from Anders, clearing his throat. There went all his confidence, out the window. What was he thinking? He should’ve said yes when Anders offered him an escape. He couldn’t do this; he wasn’t prepared for the flirting.

“Here’s your order, and please hurry when you drink it, I really want to close up for the night,” Sebastian said, setting down their drinks on the coffee table in the middle of them.

“Which is which?” Hawke asked, but Sebastian didn’t answer him as he left the room.

“What an ass, I swear,” Spencer muttered, reaching for a drink the same time Anders did. Their hands landed on the same one and their fingers brushed. Hawke immediately pulled back and grabbed the other drink.

He took a small sip, scalding his tongue and his taste buds.

“Holy crap, that’s really strong,” Hawke gasped, choking on the hot liquid.

He handed it over to Anders, scrunching up his face at it, “I think this is yours, I’ll take my coffee please.”

Anders took a sip of his coffee anyways, and a look of mild surprise passed his face.

“That’s delicious, very sweet if you ask me, a little too sweet,” Anders said, giving Spencer his drink.

“Hey you, listen here. There are two things you should never do! One, look up strange words you find on the internet, and two! Never drink Hawke’s coffee!” Hawke hissed in a teasing manner.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so protective of your drink,” Anders replied, grinning, “I’ll try to remember that next time we go out somewhere.”

Spencer’s heart fluttered a little when he heard Anders say next time. He wanted to do something like this again? Where did this man come from, and why did he choose Hawke to flirt with? Spencer felt like the luckiest man alive at the moment.

“You want to do this again? Are you sure you want to see my face anywhere besides work? I know some people get tired of seeing me there as well,” Hawke joked, taking a huge gulp of his coffee.

“Oh no, how could anyone tire of seeing such a gorgeous face? That’s ludicrous,” Anders answered.

“Oh, you flatter me so. How am I so deserving of your praise, doctor? You make me blush,” Hawke retorted, his insides starting to melt.

The rest of the hour was spent talking about work and gossip about their co-workers, it was a nice time, in Hawke’s eyes. He definitely felt very relaxed when he was with Anders, even though the man was his boss.

“I’ll walk you to your house,” Anders offered as they stepped outside into the cold air.

“Being a knight in shining armor, are we? I don’t mind, if it’s not too far out of your way,” Hawke said, zipping up his coat and shivering.

“It doesn’t matter, I am a gentleman, Hawke,” He bowed slightly and smiled up at Spencer.

“You act as if I am a damsel who can’t walk home without getting jumped more than once,” Hawke accused as they walk. It progressively got colder as they made their way to his apartment, and Hawke was visibly shivering within a couple minutes.

“I’m just worried you’ll slip and fall, cracking your head on the sidewalk. I have to be there to laugh and then try to help you up while I’m laughing,” Anders joked, looking over at him with a worried expression.

“And then probably drop me from snorting so hard,” Hawke replied, folding his arms over his chest to preserve warmth.

“Alright, stop here for a moment,” Anders instructed, his tone slightly annoyed.

Hawke, confused, stopped in his tracks and turned to Anders. The doctor started removing his scarf, and Hawke quickly put out his hands in a stopping motion.

“What are you doing?” Hawke questioned, puzzled.

The man approached Spencer, getting close enough for Hawke to feel Anders’ body warmth. His breath caught in his throat as Anders gently wrapped the wool scarf around Hawke’s neck and cheeks, covering almost half his face with it. With the doctor being so close, Hawke could see the color of his eyes, noting they were like the color of whiskey. His gold hair was back in a small ponytail, but some of it fell out and framed his rosy face nicely.

“Wear winter ready clothes when you go out, Hawke. You’ll catch a cold this way, honestly. If you can’t come into work because you decide to wear flipflops in December, I’ll be pissed,” Anders said, backing away.

Spencer looked down at his feet, which were very cold. Maybe he was right.

“Is this coming from my boss or from a friend?” Hawke questioned, tugging the scarf down a little so Anders could hear what he was saying. The cloth was still warm from being on Anders and it smelled like apples for some unknown reason.

“A little of both, if I’m being honest,” He paused, eyeing Hawke, “Why, are we not friends?”

Spencer took a moment to respond, before smiling over at Anders, “Yeah, of course we are.”

The relief on Anders’ face was evident as they climbed the stairs to his apartment.

“Thanks for walking me home, thank goodness you were here in case I slipped once again. I would probably be dead if you weren’t with me!” Hawke said, feigning his relief.

“No problem at all, maybe we could-“ Anders paused and looked up at him timidly.

Hawke raised his eyebrows, wondering what made his boss so shy all of the sudden. Before he realized it, he dug his phone out of his pocket.

“Why don’t we exchange phone numbers? Then maybe we can plan something like this again?” Spencer said with a warm smile.

“Uh, that sounds great,” The man responded, taking out his phone and putting in Hawke’s number.

“I’ll text you my number tomorrow, this was really fun,” Anders said, turning and going down the stairs.

Hawke was about to go inside, when he noticed he still had on Anders’ scarf.

“Um wait! Did you want your scarf back?” Hawke called after him, trying to wrestle it off his neck.

He saw Anders turn, and he gave Spencer a radiant smile, “No, you can keep it. Remember to wear something appropriate for winter every time you see my scarf!” He called back before disappearing around a corner.

Spencer dropped his hands, his cheeks flaring. Anders literally gave him his scarf. He took something of his own and gifted it to Hawke like they were dating. Maker, what was the world coming too?

As Hawke fumbled with his key card, he didn’t see the silhouette of Fenris looking down at him from their window.


	3. Two men, one Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke gets himself into a couple awkward situations. Alright, more than a couple.

### 

Chapter Three:

Hawke was thankful for the couple days he got off from work, since Laura had promised she would make up him having to take his shift. He tried to tell her there was no problem, but she insisted on taking two of his shifts as compensation. He didn’t mind at all, in all honesty.

Spencer was on the couch; he had flipped on the tv and was currently scrolling through Netflix when he heard the front door open. Havoc heard it as well, her ears perking, she jumped from Hawke’s lap. Her claws dug into his flesh as she jumped out of his lap and scampered towards the door.

“Ouch, for the Maker’s sake, Havoc! If you’re going to use me as a bed, you have to stay still!” He called after her, rubbing his legs, which now had puckering red scratches.

Hawke curiously turned his gaze towards the front hallway, wondering if Fenris was home. His suspicions were true when Fenris appeared in the living room with Havoc behind him, sniffing at a hand that was pushing her away.

“You’re home,” Fenris stated, slight surprise in his voice.

“Yeah, the co-worker I took over for the other day proposed that she would take two of my shifts because of my blatant kindness. I told her how could I refuse such an endearing offer?” Hawke said, his eyes trailing over Fenris’ work uniform.

He wore a black t-shirt with black pants, something simple, but it had no logos on it anywhere, which gave Hawke no indication where his roommate worked still.

“You are such a good-natured man, Hawke, really,” Fenris said sarcastically, walking towards his room.

“Did you want to watch some Netflix with me or anything? The living room isn’t just for one of us at a time,” Hawke called after him.

“I’m alright,” Fenris replied.

“But I was going to make food tonight,” Hawke complained after him, pouting as he scrolled through more movies.

After a minute, he saw something move out of the corner of his eye, and he turned his head to see Fenris standing next to the couch, looking down at Hawke with annoyance.

“What? Did I leave dirty laundry in the hallway again?” He questioned, his eyebrows furrowed.

“No, it’s just that- if you’re making food, I would like some,” He said with a small defeated sigh. To prove his point, they both heard his stomach growl.

Spencer curled his lips into his mouth to keep from giggling, but Fenris caught his look and glared at him.

“Do you want to eat now? I’ll start making it now if you’re that hungry,” Hawke offered, trying to mask his laughter but failing miserably.

Fenris eyed him for a moment, before sitting down cautiously beside Havoc, who had moved to lay back on Hawke’s legs.

“I would prefer we eat soon, lest I turn into a decaying husk,” Fenris joked, which caught Spencer off guard. He chuckled at the witty remark, before scooting out from underneath Havoc, “Alright, but you don’t just get to sit here, you’re _helping_!”

“I have to help? Do you want the whole apartment in flames?” Fenris asked in a serious tone, looking at him.

“If I’m there, we’ll only start a small fire, and you can put it out right away. But, I think this will be a good bonding moment for us, we don’t really know each other even though we’ve been living together for a whole month!” Hawke’s eyes lit up and he clasped his hands together in a begging motion.

Fenris watched him for a moment, before another sigh escaped his lips, “Alright, alright, only because I despise puppy dog eyes,” He said, waving a hand at Hawke.

“There are no puppy dog eyes!” Spencer insisted as they went into the kitchen.

“If you would have saw your face, you would be saying otherwise,” Fenris replied frankly.

Hawke opened the fridge and pulled out ground beef and sausage, setting them on the counter, he opened the packages and dumped them into a bowl.

“Can you please grab that onion and chop it into really tiny pieces?” Hawke jerked his head towards a small basket with some vegetables in it.

“Which one is the onion?” Fenris questioned uncertainly, pawing through the produce.

Spencer turned and laughed softly, “You really don’t cook, do you? It’s the white one. Usually they have a strong odor that makes you cry, but I bought a sweet onion, so that shouldn’t happen.”

“Do I peel off this outer flaky layer?” Fenris asked.

“Mhm, and then chop it up,” Hawke urged, putting breadcrumbs into the meat mixture, as well as eggs.

“ _Kaffas_!” He heard Fenris hiss, making Spencer jump. Hawke turned around and peered at Fenris.

Blood dripped down his hand, and onto the knife.

“Did you cut yourself?!” Spencer gasped, reaching over and taking Fenris’ hand into his. He searched for the wound and saw a small gash going up the side of his index finger.

“How did you even get a cut there?!” He exclaimed worriedly, taking Fenris over to the kitchen sink and running the wound under cold water.

“I told you I’m not fit to cook,” Fenris protested, shaking his head, wincing at the cold water.

“You didn’t set the apartment on fire,” Hawke pointed out, to which Fenris gave a small smile.

Spencer dug under the sink, knocking his head against the top of the counter door with a curse, he pulled out a very dusty first aid kit. It was put there by the apartment owners for this very purpose. He never had to use it himself, but he was glad it was there.

He blew the dust of it and opened it up. He pulled out a Band-Aid, but soon realized it was not big enough for the cut.

“It’s just a cut, Hawke, I’ll be fine once it stops bleeding,” Fenris assured him calmly.

“Don’t you move your finger from under that water, I have Neosporin and gauze wrap!” Hawke claimed triumphantly, showing them to Fenris.

“Do you want to put it on yourself, or do you want me too?”

Fenris regarded him momentarily, before removing his finger from the cold water and shoving it towards Hawke, “You do it.”

“What a demanding man you are,” Spencer responded teasingly, squirting some of the ointment on his finger, he gently rubbed it into the cut.

“You offered,” Fenris retorted, snorting.

“That I did,” Spencer acknowledged, wrapping the gauze around his finger and taping it down.

“There, that should do it. I would’ve tied it in a cute little bow, but it probably would’ve ripped,” Spencer said, putting away the medical supply and looking over at the bloody knife.

“I guess I’ll finish dinner, you are down and out for the count,” Hawke said, picking up the knife and washing it.

“I’m not, I can still help,” He insisted, watching Hawke cut the onion with preciseness.

“Well, if you think you can. Can you get out a pot and fill it with water? You’ll be in charge of the noodles,” Hawke informed him.

“The noodles? What exactly are we making?” Fenris wondered as he pulled out a pot and filled it with water.

“Spaghetti, of course,” Spencer said, smiling over at Fenris.

He lit the burner for Fenris and the man set the pot down over it. “How did you learn to cook like this?” Fenris questioned, observing Hawke making meatballs.

“Well, when my dad died, my mom kind of got in a depressive state. She could barely take care of herself, so I had to cook dinner for my little brother and sister. I was really bad at first, like Fenris bad. But after years of practice, I’ve become better,” Hawke explained, recalling when he first made spaghetti and meatballs for his siblings. He had put way too much garlic and salt in the meatballs, and he had overcooked the noodles, making them a soggy mess. Bethany still didn’t let him live it down to this day.

“I’m sorry if I brought up bad memories,” Fenris apologized quickly, making him pause in what he was doing to peer over at Fenris.

“Bad memories?” He echoed, tilting his head.

“About your father,” He mumbled back. Hawke laughed, making Fenris jump. 

“There is no need to be sorry, Fenris. My dad was a good man, and he wouldn’t want me to be bitter about his death,” Hawke said, trying to muster up a smile.

The subject was not brought up again.

“The real question tonight is, why can’t you cook? It’s a very handy skill,” Hawke said, wiggling his fingers.

“I never had a reason too, my father, he always cooked for me, said I had no reason to go into the kitchen,” Fenris explained, his fists clenching up.

“That’s kind of silly, there are a lot of reasons to go in the kitchen. Weren’t you ever curious?” Hawke inquired, lighting another burner and setting down a cast iron skillet for the meatballs.

“No, I never had a reason to go into the kitchen, I didn’t want too,” Fenris said, his voice becoming defensive. Hawke blinked a couple times, before he pushed them into another topic.

“What is your favorite food?” Hawke inquired, desperate to get away from bad topics. He scratched at his beard and looked away from Fenris.

There was a moment of silence, and it pained Hawke. _He’s angry at me, I shouldn’t have pried_ , He thought miserably, tossing the meatballs into the hot pan. They sizzled angrily up at him.

“I really like apples,” He finally heard the man say, his voice very quiet. Spencer felt startled that Fenris would even respond to his stupid question. They didn't really talk even though they lived together, and it wasn't like he didn't want to talk to Fenris, but he could tell the man was hiding himself from Hawke. It was like Fenris was wearing a mask, and he wouldn’t take it off for anyone. Just getting to hear his favorite food was a breath of fresh air.

“What kind of apples?” Hawke wondered, his voice going back to a friendly tone. He started flipping the meatballs.

“Should I put the noodles in the pot now?” Fenris asked suddenly, bringing him back to the present.

“Oh shit, is it boiling?!” Hawke turned and saw the water was boiling over. He let out a squeak and frantically turned down the burner, nodding to Fenris.

“Did you just squeak, Hawke?” Fenris asked with an amused expression. He grabbed the rigatoni off the counter and poured the whole box into the pot.

Spencer’s cheeks turned bright red and he looked down, “No, I didn’t. Grown men don’t squeak,” He mumbled in a sulky voice.

Fenris chuckled, “It was cute, you sounded like a kitten.”

“I did not, it was more like a ferocious tiger, I am not a kitten,” Hawke defended himself, scowling down at Fenris.

It seemed Fenris’ whole face was red, and his mouth was opened, like he was about to say something, but he shut it quickly, turning away from Hawke.

What was he so flustered about?

“The meatballs are ready, could you get the jar of sauce out of the fridge?” Hawke asked, stirring the noodles.

“No, I’m on noodle duty, get away from my noodles and get the sauce yourself,” Fenris demanded, bumping his hip against Hawke’s in an attempt to move him away.

“Ouch, alright, I’ll stay away from the pasta. Maker, you have bony hips, keep those away from me!” Hawke said, rubbing his own hip as he went over to the refrigerator.

“If I must use them as a weapon to keep you away from my pasta, I will,” Fenris threatened lightly while Hawke fished out the sauce and came back over.

“The noodles will be ready in about a minute, I put the strainer in the sink, you just have to pour it into it,” Hawke instructed, stirring the meatballs with the sauce.

“Your trust in my abilities is terrifying, Hawke,” Fenris commented, picking the pot up by the handles and carefully taking it over to the sink. 

“It’s only terrifying if you don’t trust your own abilities!” Hawke advised in a sing-song voice, turning to watch Fenris.

The man carefully poured the water and noodles into the metal strainer, the look on Fenris’ face was full concentration, and it made Hawke snicker.

“Now, bring it over here,” Hawke nodded towards the pan of simmering sauce, before adding on, “Carefully!”

Fenris jumped at his last word, a couple noodles dropping out of the strainer and onto his foot. He glowered up at Hawke, who burst out laughing.

“Don’t do that, you asshole!” Fenris fumed, reaching over and punching Spencer’s arm full force. Hawke couldn’t stop laughing, tears coming to his eyes from the stinging pain of the punch and his chortling.

“I-I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself, really,” Hawke sputtered, moving over so Fenris could pour the noodles into the sauce.

“Don’t spill it,” Hawke jested, giggling uncontrollably.

“You are an awful human being, Hawke,” Fenris accused light-heartedly.

Once Hawke could breathe again, he turned and got down two bowls, pouring the spaghetti out evenly. There was some leftover, but they had tuber ware to put it in. Maybe Spencer could have it as a midnight snack later.

“So, any particular movie you would want to watch?” Hawke implored as they traveled into the living room.

“Whatever you want to watch, I’m not picky,” Fenris consented, plopping himself on the couch and quickly shooing a sleeping Havoc off the couch.

She whined and turned to give Hawke puppy dog eyes. Hawke rolled his eyes and pet her head, “Sorry old girl, I’m a neutral party here. I’ll give you a treat later, so head out,” He instructed as she licked his hand.

Havoc looked back at Fenris one more time, before walking off into the kitchen with her tail in between her legs.

“It seems Havoc wants to get along with you, you don’t want to give her a chance?” Hawke inquired, sitting cross legged on the other side of the couch.

“I just really don’t like animals, especially dogs,” Fenris mumbled, giving a pointed look to Havoc, who was lying in the middle of the hallway.

“She’s not that bad once you get to know her. She likes to go for walks and she likes cuddles even though she’s 200 pounds and would probably crush you,” Hawke teased, scrolling through the movies on Netflix.

“You aren’t going to ask why I don’t like dogs?” Fenris wondered, shock in his voice.

Hawke turned his head away from the TV to stare at Fenris, tilting his head, “It seems like you don’t want to talk about it, so I’m not going to pry.” He shoveled a spoonful of spaghetti into his mouth, enjoying the slightly sweet tomato sauce and spicy meatballs.

“Speaking of prying,” Fenris said, but trailed off, seeming to lose confidence for a moment. Hawke raised both his eyebrows and waited patiently for him to finish.

“I saw you with some man a couple days ago, when you worked late. He dropped you off and when you came inside, you were all giggly. Are you going out with him?” Fenris asked, leaning towards him with a curious expression.

Spencer choked in his spaghetti, his whole face lighting up bright red. “W-what? That was my boss, Fenris. I can’t date him!”

“Well, if you’re not dating, why don’t you ask him out? You seemed really happy when you came home that night,” Fenris responded, eating a spoonful of his food.

“I don’t know, I just don’t know if I could date him. It’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone, and there’s probably a reason behind it,” Hawke muttered, looking down at his food, which was almost gone.

“You won’t know if you don’t try Hawke, you should just do it,” Fenris insisted, his lips curled into a small reassuring smile, one that you would barely notice.

“Why don’t we watch Mulan, I love that movie!” Spencer declared, clicking on the movie to stop this embarrassing subject that Fenris decided to bring up.

He knew Fenris was awake when he got home at like three, but he had no idea Fenris was watching them. He doubted the man really did it on purpose, but it was still mortifying. Fenris seemed to have more confidence in the dating world than he did. Lucky bastard.

Hawke was grateful for the silence that ensued as the movie began. He was also thankful that his roommate didn’t bring it up again.

“Uh, thank you for the meal, Hawke. I haven’t had food this good for a long time,” Fenris admitted, setting his bowl on the table next to the couch.

“I didn’t make the whole meal, you cut that onion decently, and you made sure the noodles weren’t a soggy mess. So, thank you,” Hawke said, smiling over at Fenris.

Hawke focused back on the movie, stretching out his legs that were becoming numb underneath him. It was about halfway through the movie that it happened. Fenris had become extremely silent, which wasn’t weird to Hawke, he thought the man was just watching the movie.

It turned out Fenris had fallen asleep, his head dipping forward, and then lolling to the side. It must have been too much weight, because he fell to the side. His head hit Spencer’s thigh with a thunk, giving Hawke such a scare that he almost yelled.

 _Oh, fuck, oh shit, what the hell? His head, it’s in my lap! What do I do? Is he asleep, did he move there on his own accord? Didn’t he just tell me to make the moves on Anders, and now he’s making moves on me? He must be asleep!_ Panicked thoughts swept through Hawke’s head as he stared down at Fenris with wide eyes.

He softly reached over and poked Fenris’ cheek, waiting for a reaction. The man didn’t even stir, and Hawke let out all his pent-up breath. He was asleep, great. Now Spencer couldn’t just get up, and he secretly didn’t want too. Over the last month Hawke has known Fenris, the man always had some kind of glare or scowl on his face, especially when Hawke cracked a joke. So, Spencer very carefully craned his neck forward, trying to get a good look at the face Fenris made as he slept.

When he finally saw the face, his heart started to ache. It was… **adorable**! Maker, he was so cute, it was such a peaceful sleeping expression. Total contentedness. 

The way Fenris’ hair fell in his face did not help either. It was the perfect scene, and Hawke just wanted to bathe in it forever. He stiffened up when he felt Fenris shift, but quickly relaxed as Fenris just stretched out his legs and then curled them back up again.

He was afraid to touch Fenris in fear he would wake up, but he couldn’t help himself. He slowly moved his hand over to his roommate’s shoulder, lightly touching it before placing his hand on the small shoulder. Fenris did have broad shoulders for his height, but they seemed petite when compared to Hawke’s own.

When Fenris didn’t move, Spencer gradually began rubbing his thumb into Fenris’ shoulder blade. He turned his attention back to the movie, eventually just letting his hand rest on his roommate’s shoulder.

His eyes wandered back to Fenris’ sleeping form though, and he longed to run his fingers through the man’s white hair. He wondered to himself how soft it really was, it looked extremely fluffy.

“Aw fuck,” Hawke whispered to himself, moving his hand from his shoulder. He extended his hand and ran his fingers through the white hair. His breath hitched in his throat and he almost let out a moan as he realized it was so soft. How could someone’s hair really be that silky? Hawke’s hair was always a bit coarse and he had a hard time brushing it, but it seemed his roommate wouldn’t have the same problems. He wanted to do it again, but Fenris sneezed, sniffling.

“Bless you,” Hawke murmured, his hand going back to the man’s shoulder.

He really couldn’t remember how long they sat like that, Hawke remembered moving to live tv at one point, leaving it on the news and turning it down low.

Hawke himself was dosing off, before he felt the shoulder under his hand go rigid.

“Hawke?” He heard a confused voice under him.

Hawke blinked a few times, registered what was going on, and quickly removed his hand from Fenris’ shoulder, letting his roommate sit up.

“Uh, sorry, you just fell asleep, and you fell in my lap. I wasn’t making a move on you, I swear!” Hawke explained, the words rushing out of his mouth in an instant.

Fenris looked like he had just woken up, and technically, he did. He rubbed his eyes with each fist, before yawning and moving his eyes over to Hawke.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I didn’t mean to fall asleep, especially on your lap. I’m very sorry,” Fenris mumbled, his cheeks taking on a pink color.

“Well, uh, you just look so peaceful, and I really didn’t mind, I was just-just watching the movie. There’s no need to apologize, you just looked tired. Um, I’m going to shut up now before I put my foot in my mouth,” Hawke’s words were jumbled and he stared nervously at his hands. He should’ve woken up Fenris, why did he let the man sleep in his lap? Besides that, what was Hawke getting so worked up for?

“You didn’t mind?” Fenris echoed with a hint of bemusement.

Hawke curled in on himself, his eyes darting around for some kind of escape from the hole he dug himself in. 

“I didn’t mean it in that way,” He muttered miserably, not meeting Fenris’ gaze, which was scorching against his face.

God, this was so awkward. No, correction, Hawke was so awkward.

He heard a small chuckle that made his eyes snap towards Fenris. The man was smiling ever so slightly, “You are definitely a strange one, Hawke. I’ve never heard someone get so embarrassed over something that wasn’t even their fault.”

“Ugh, when you put it that way, makes me sound like a teenage boy full of weird hormones,” Hawke complained, ruffling his own hair.

“I would never insinuate something like that. I was just saying that-“ Before he could finish his sentence, Hawke’s phone started ringing with an obscure ringtone.

“Uh, sorry, I don’t know who would be calling this late,” Hawke checked the time and saw it was around eight. It wasn’t even that late. He stood up and went into the kitchen. The caller ID showed Anders.

“Crap,” Hawke swallowed hard, before answering. He didn’t say anything, holding his breath and waiting for Anders to say something.

“Hawke?”

He let out all his breath, “Anders, hi,” His voice sounded awkward, a little nervous.

“I’m not calling at a bad time, am I?”

“Oh no, I was just having dinner with my roommate, what’s up?”

“Well, I got off early tonight, and I thought maybe you would want to go back to that coffee shop,” He asked.

Hawke peered out in the living room, watching Fenris flip through the few channels they had on live tv.

“Hawke?”

“Oh, sorry! Yeah, that sounds nice. I could always go for coffee,” Hawke replied warmly, smiling.

“Ok! Um, I’ll meet you there in a couple minutes?”

“Sounds good, see you soon.”

“Don’t forget to wear warm clothes!” Anders prompted, and Hawke swore he could hear the smile on the man’s face.

“Alright, mom, I got it. Goodbye,” Hawke joked, hanging up on Anders. He went back out into the living room, where Fenris looked at him curious as Hawke grabbed a shirt off the floor and examined it.

Realizing it was Fenris’, he put it up to his bare chest, looking expectantly at Fenris, “You think I’d look good in this?”

He looked at the tiny shirt pressed against Hawke, and then back up to Hawke’s face with a snort, “If you only wanted to fit one arm in the shirt.”

“Hey, I am actually much slimmer than I look,” Hawke responded, but he threw the shirt at Fenris, who caught it easily in one hand.

“Are you going somewhere?” Fenris pressed, cocking his eyebrows.

Hawke picked up another shirt, sniffing it and then sliding it on. It was a black shirt with a faded Xbox logo on it, probably his brother’s. A pang of sadness hit him as he thought about his brother, but he pushed it away.

“Anders asked me out for coffee, and since he works a lot more than I do, I thought coffee would probably do his poor soul good,” Hawke reached behind the couch and pulled out an old dusty pair of black working boots. They were usually used for hard labor, they had steel toes and warm padding inside. They were perfect for winter. 

As he slid his feet inside them and tied them up, he heard Fenris shift.

“Is it a date?” His voice took on a strange hostile tone that caught Hawke off guard.

“Well, I don’t know if it counts as a date, I should probably ask. But hey, if it is, he saved me the trouble of truly embarrassing myself,” He glanced over at Fenris, “Are you ok, you look pissed off.”

A look of surprise passed Fenris’ face, and he stood up suddenly. “Would you possibly mind if I came along? I could also use some coffee.”

Hawke furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up after his boots were tied up, “What’s with the sudden craving for coffee? I mean, I guess I don’t mind if you come along, s’not like I can really stop you anyways.”

Hawke stood up and picked his coat off the back of the couch, slipping it on before going over to the barely-used dining room table. Fenris did the same, grabbing his winter jacket and gloves. Hawke, on the other hand, placed his hand on the lone red scarf hanging lazily on a chair.

With a sigh, he plucked it off the chair and wrapped it snugly around his neck, breathing in the light hint of apples from the fabric. He pulled it up over his mouth and ears, probably looking like that kid from the Christmas Story.

“Well, let’s get going,” Hawke said, his voice muffled under the cloth.

Fenris glanced over Hawke and he chuckled at his appearance. Hawke scowled at him, “I was told to dress warm, it’s cold outside!”

They left the apartment and made the short, freezing cold walk to the coffee shop. It was dark out now, and Hawke’s phone told him it was now around nine. Why Fenris wanted to get coffee at this point in time flew over his head, but he had no room to judge.

Anders was waiting outside when they approached, and he smiled warmly at Hawke. Hawke couldn’t help but give a goofy smile in return, his heart started to pound in his chest.

“Hello Hawke, I’m glad you could make it on such short notice. Sorry I called you out of the blue,” Anders apologized, pulling down his hood to reveal rosy cheeks with a splatter of freckles.

“It’s no problem, apparently Fenris had a hankering for coffee as well. Introduce yourself, roomie,” Hawke elbowed Fenris in the ribs.

The man snapped his head up to glare at Hawke, before looking over at Anders with a look of slight disdain, “I am Fenris, Hawke’s roommate. It is nice to meet you.” His voice seemed tight with no hint of kindness.

Anders smiled faltered only for a minute, but he tilted his head, “It’s nice to meet you as well, I’m Anders, his boss.”

They stared at each other, and Hawke could feel the tension radiating off of them both. Hawke was slightly terrified at what could transpire while they were here.

Hawke chuckled nervously and reached over, opening the coffee shop door, “Let’s get something warm to drink, I’m freezing my tits off.”

“You shouldn’t be cold with the scarf I gave you,” Anders protested, looking pointedly at the scarf, and then flickering his gaze towards Fenris. He headed inside, followed by Hawke’s roommate.

“That doesn’t mean that standing out in the cold won’t give me an actual cold,” Hawke complained, following them inside the warm building.

“I don’t think you can freeze tits off, Hawke,” Fenris rumbled as they approached the counter.

“I bet if I stood outside in the cold shirtless for long enough, they would pop off and become popsicles. Oh, wait-“ He paused, giggling at his own pun, before adding on, “Titsicles.”

Fenris groaned and Anders sniggered. Proud of his pun, he came up to where Sebastian sat, laying half his body onto the counter.

Sebastian glared down at him, his arms crossed.

“So, I was just here a couple days ago, is there any way you could give me my usual?” Hawke prompted, smiling sweetly up at the barista.

Sebastian didn’t move from where he was sitting, and his mouth turned down further in the ugliest scowl he had ever seen.

“Is Bethany with you, or is this the new place where you flirt relentlessly with males?” Sebastian asked, his voice full of acidity.

“Hey, that’s not very nice. I’ve always flirted with you here, so it’s not a new place. Besides that, I already explained that I am a single man.”

“Well, it seemed you attracted another follower, how long before you bang him?” Sebastian sneered, his words particularly barbed tonight.

Hawke caught off guard, moved back abruptly, a flash of hurt passing his eyes. Sebastian was usually never this rude, especially to him. They were friends at some point, something must have happened.

“That’s not-“

“You make me sick sometimes, Hawke. Floundering around here with men like you can just date and fuck whoever you want and make your sister worry beyond measure. If it weren’t for her, you would probably be dead somewhere in an alley somewhere, or in some whorehouse-“

A hand grabbed at Hawke’s arm and yanked him back.

“Do you talk to all your customers like this? Maybe I should be speaking with your manager, I’m sure he would love to hear your disgusting words,” Anders growled, stepping in front of Hawke.

“Don’t come to his aid, you prick,” Sebastian snarled.

Anders didn’t even flinch though, “This man is a hard worker, he’s been working almost every day for a month now at the hospital. I should know, I’m his boss,” Anders snapped, looming over Sebastian.

The barista, losing his confidence, muttered a few incoherent words and turned away.

“Sebastian, is something wrong?” Hawke blurted out, his eyes pleading as he stared at his once friend.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you,” He muttered, not meeting Hawke’s eyes.

He rang up Hawke’s usual and offered to pay for Anders’ and Fenris’ drink. They ordered theirs and they got their drinks immediately.

Hawke glanced at his old friend one more time, before retreating after Anders and Fenris.

Fenris had supposedly picked out a spot, because they were sitting at a rounded couch laden with different types of pillows. They sat far away from one another as they could, which wasn’t very far. It was enough for Hawke to sit in the middle without fear of not being able to talk to both of them.

“I’m sorry for that, I promise that Sebastian isn’t always like that. Something must have really made him angry,” Hawke explained to Fenris, his gaze trained on him.

“You should not be apologizing for him, he made his own decision when he started to talk down to you,” Fenris responded with a cold tone.

“I can’t believe you were actually friends with him, Hawke. That man doesn’t deserve to even breathe near you. His opinions will be the death of him,” Anders seethed, taking a huge gulp of his hot tea.

“He’s right though, at least about my sister. If it wasn’t for her, I would probably would have ended up in some mental institution or worse.” He tried to force a laugh, but it sounded almost robotic.

“Don’t say that, Hawke,” Anders placed a gentle hand on his arm, sending electric shocks throughout Spencer’s body.

“This has been a tiring day, I’ll tell you,” Hawke let out a sigh and unwrapped the scarf from around his neck, placing it on his knee and taking a swig of his coffee.

“I bet, staying at home, watching Netflix all day. Must be a rough life,” Fenris teased.

“Pretty sure he was talking about the recent encounter with Sebastian,” Anders retorted with an irritated voice.

“No, watching TV all day really is tiring. I didn’t get to take my daily nap either. I’m so tired I could fall asleep right here,” Hawke yawned, hoping to direct the subject away from his personal problems.

“Please don’t, I couldn’t carry you all the way home,” Fenris joked, sipping at his hot chocolate.

“Hey, by the way, I thought you said you wanted coffee, why the sudden change of heart?” Hawke questioned.

Fenris tensed up, but his face remained smooth, “A hot chocolate sounded better on such a cold Kirkwall night.”

“I think tea is best,” Anders replied.

“Well, you’re both wrong, because coffee reigns supreme in all hot drink categories!” Spencer declared.

After that, they remained in silence as they all drank their drinks. Before long, Anders’ phone started beeping.

“Shoot,” He said, downing the rest of his tea, “I have to go, an emergency patient just came in, they need me.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Spencer offered, standing with him.

“Ah, thank you,” Anders said, rummaging through his bag and pulling out some papers.

“I’ll head home,” Fenris said.

“If you just give me two minutes, we can go together,” Hawke responded.

Fenris looked unsure, but Hawke didn’t give him the chance to say no as he followed Anders out of the coffee shop.

“Thank you for coming to meet me for coffee, though it was crashed by your roommate, I still enjoy your company,” Anders said, smoothing back his golden hair. One piece refused to stay in the tiny ponytail on the back of his head though, and it dangled by Anders’ cheek.

Spencer’s eyebrows knitted together, “Well, I didn’t really think you would mind. He wanted to come, so it didn’t bother me too much.”

Anders stared at him timidly, before sighing, “I was hoping that this could maybe be, I don’t know, some kind of first date. I didn’t want to say it was a date though, I thought it would scare you off.”

Spencer’s breath hitched in his throat and his eyes widened. “Oh crap. Oh, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, I had no idea. See, this is why you need to tell me these things, because if you don’t speak your mind, I won’t know and I’ll do something incredibly dumb like _invite my roommate out on a date with you _,” Hawke said with an irritated sigh.__

“Perhaps next time I could ask you out on a proper date, preferably without your roommate tagging along? I’ll make sure to be a bit clearer.” 

“You have a deal. I’ll see you at work,” Hawke tugged the scarf, wrapping it around his neck and turning around to leave. 

“Can’t wait,” He heard Anders breathe. 

Hawke pressed his palm to his hammering heart, standing there for a minute or so. After his heart had settled, he felt a hand grab his arm. 

“Are you ready to go back, I’m freezing,” Fenris said, his cheeks and nose bright red against his dark olive skin. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” 


	4. Poker Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does Varric insist they play cards every month?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mah tumblr: [LOVE ME](http://lovelylittlekitten.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you guys for reading, it warms my heart that people like my writing.

### 

Chapter Four:

_He likes apples_ , Hawke thought to himself as he browsed over the produce section. He rarely got any produce except for the bare necessities such as onion and garlic. But when he saw the bright red apples out of the corner of his eye, and his thoughts wandered to Fenris.

It seemed Hawke got to know Fenris a little better, and they definitely talked more than they did a couple weeks ago. He still didn’t know a lot about Fenris, and for some reason, he wanted to know even more.

With a small sigh, he grabbed a plastic bag and loaded a few apples into it, wondering what he would actually do with them when he got home. He couldn’t just walk up to Fenris, hand him a bag full of apples, and say that he was just ‘thinking about him’.

“Maybe I’ll make a dessert,” He mumbled to himself, squinting down at his phone that had his grocery list on it.

“I love desserts,” He heard a rumbly voice in front of him, and it scared the daylights out of him. With a yelp, Hawke jumped, knocking his head against a metal scale that sat behind him.

“Maker’s breath, Hawke, I said three words!” He heard a familiar amused voice, and Hawke’s eyes focused on the person in front of him.

“Anders, you cheeky bugger, don’t scare me like that!” Spencer exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head where he hit it.

“It wasn’t my intention to scare you, I was only coming over to say hello,” Anders told him, a smug smile coming to his face, “But it was cute to see you jump like that. If you would’ve squeaked, that would have put you over the top.”

“Men don’t squeak, I’ve already been over this with Fenris!” Hawke said with a fake-exasperated sigh.

“So, who will you be making dessert for? Does it have something to do with those apples?” Anders questioned with an easy-going smile.

Hawke hadn’t been able to chat with Anders for a while, he was busy at work as always, and he usually didn’t text Hawke till late at night, Spencer would fall asleep trying to text back. They never even got to plan a date. It was slightly disappointing to Hawke.

“I’m not making it for anyone specific, I could just want something sweet tonight,” Hawke declared, his eyes on Anders’ face.

“No need to get so defensive Hawke, I was just curious,” Anders replied, a smile playing at his lips. Hawke looked down at his phone, blush rising in his cheeks.

“So, would you mind if I walked with you? I have to get a few groceries as well,” Anders said, pulling out a neatly folded paper from his jeans pocket.

“You want to walk with me? I would think you wouldn’t want to be near me as much as we see each other at work,” Hawke joked, swallowing hard.

“Don’t be silly, Hawke, as I’ve stated before, I really enjoy your company,” He brushed off Hawke’s attempt at a self-deprecating joke, and it made Spencer chuckle nervously.

“Alright, if you say so,” He stammered, placing his hands on his cart and pushing it forward.

“Do you have a lot to get? I only came in for a few things,” Anders casually started speaking with him, but Hawke’s heart was hammering so loud he barely registered what the man was saying.

“Um, I have to get a couple things, and Fenris wanted some powerade. Said he forgot it when he came, but I think he just wants me to buy the damn expensive drink,” Hawke shook his head with a laugh.

“Your roommate seems a bit…angry? I guess that’s the right word?”

“Yeah, don’t take that personally, he does that with everyone. Getting him to joke with me was a miracle in itself,” Hawke pulled down a loaf of bread and squeezed it softly, before throwing it in the cart. He glanced over at Anders to see his jaw clenched as he stared at Hawke.

“What do you have to get? I don’t want you to roam the whole store with me. I browse,” Hawke said, smiling at himself.

“I don’t mind browsing, but I just have to get some cat food, eggs, and my friend wanted me to grab some chips for a poker night he’s dragging me too,” Anders rolled his eyes with a sigh.

“You don’t like playing cards? You seem like you’d be the type to bet all your money as well as some kind a property you own,” Spencer teased, moving down towards the pet aisle for Anders.

“And that’s why I don’t like playing cards, I have a horribly habit of betting things I don’t have in order to win big. Apparently, I have a horrible poker face,” Anders wrinkled his nose and shook his head, some of his amber hair falling loose from his ponytail.

“Oh no, you look like you’d have a great poker face,” Hawke quipped, earning a sarcastic laugh from Anders.

As they went down the pet food aisle, Hawke saw that some dog bones were on sale, he sighed, just knowing Havoc would be drooling immensely just to get one bone. He grabbed the bone and tossed it in his cart.

“Do you have a dog?” Anders questioned as they approached the cat section.

“I do, just one. She is a 200-pound mutt who loves to cuddle,” Hawke boasted.

“I have a cat, and he doesn’t really like to cuddle much,” Anders sighed, before picking up a large bag of cat food and setting it in Hawke’s cart.

“Well, that’s his loss, isn’t it?” Hawke tried his hand at flirting with the doctor. The results were Anders letting out a stammering laugh and his cheeks turning red.

“I just have to grab some milk and Fenris’ powerade, and then I’ll stop dragging you around the store,” Hawke said with a smile.

After they both got what they needed, they paid for their groceries and left.

“Do you need a ride home?” Anders questioned, pulling out a set of keys. His keys consisted of about three keys and ten key-chains. The one that stood out the most was a bright blue star that dangled lower than all the others, and it had Anders written on it with gorgeous cursive.

“You got quite a lot of key-chains,” Hawke stated, grinning.

“Oh yeah, when my friends go to different places, I ask them to get me a key-chain. My friend Karl, he-“ His voice faltered momentarily, and Hawke looked at him curiously, “He got me a commissioned one. It was a replica of my cat made of wood.”

Spencer paused, before he nodded, “Well, if you’re offering a ride, I won’t say no. Hauling all of this a few blocks isn’t ideal,” Hawke responded, wondering if Anders was alright.

“Why didn’t you drive then?” Anders asked, regaining his amused expression like nothing was wrong.

“I needed to get some kind of walk in today, and I didn’t think I’d be buying all of this,” Hawke said as they approached a black Toyota corolla. He watched Anders with a small worried expression. He seemed a little tense.

“Well, you’re lucky that I am a gracious man,” Anders responded in a slight teasing tone, popping the trunk open and unloading his groceries.

“Seems that way,” Hawke said, following suit.

He got in the car and Anders pulled out of the parking lot. The ride was silent, and it made Spencer wonder if Anders was thinking about something.

The car approached his apartment building and glided to a stop in one of the parking spots in front of the building. Hawke looked over at Anders’, who was looking out the window at Hawke’s apartment absent-mindedly.

“Thank you for the ride, I hope it wasn’t too far out of your way,” Spencer said quickly, and he instinctively reached out, squeezing the man’s shoulder.

“No, it’s quite alright. Do you need help taking your things inside?” Anders turned his head towards Hawke, clearing his throat.

“Nah, it’s only a few bags. But, I was wondering, about the last time we met…” He trailed off, trying to grasp the words he wanted to use, but they slipped from his grasp and he was met with awkward silence.

“Oh yes, that. Can we talk about it later, because I am running late,” Anders looked a little panicked and it made Hawke stop in his tracks.

“Um, alright. T-thank you for the ride?” He opened his door and stepped out, hoping Anders would say something, anything. They couldn’t leave it at this, could they?

But the doctor said nothing as Hawke shut his door, went to the trunk and retrieved his groceries.

And then he was gone, leaving Hawke wondering if he said something to upset the man.

He trudged up to his apartment, noticing the door was already unlocked, he came inside. The tv was on in the living room and Havoc ran up to him happily, almost bowling him over as she jumped.

“Yes, I know you used your psychic abilities to see I brought you a bone. Give me a moment to put the groceries away, old girl,” He sighed, trying to shake off the earlier encounter with Anders.

“Hello Hawke,” He heard Fenris call from the den.

“Hi Fenris, how’s life?” He asked as he entered the kitchen.

Fenris snorted and Spencer peered into the living room from the kitchen. “The same as it was when you went to the store. Nothing dire happened while you were gone besides the dog trying to snuggle with me,” He said with a disgruntled tone.

“Aw, poor Havoc, she only wants to love you,” Spencer said with a chuckle, tossing the bone he got the dog to Havoc. She leapt into the air and caught it, before running out into the living room.

“Did you get my powerade?” Fenris asked, coming into the kitchen. He stretched, his sweatshirt riding up to show his lower stomach, which Hawke eyed. He could see the pattern of swirling white tattoos, but it was gone as soon as Fenris put his arms down and leaned against the wall.

“Uh, yeah, you asked for white cherry flavor, right?” Hawke questioned, setting the 8-pack of powerade on the counter.

“Yeah, thank you once again,” He pulled one from the pack and cracked it open, taking a few long sips. He stood in silence as Hawke put away the groceries, and he was throwing away empty plastic bags when he heard Fenris.

“Are these apples?”

Hawke froze and turned around slowly to look at Fenris. The man had one apple already out of the bag they were in, and he was looking over it.

“Yes they are, and they aren’t for eating!” Spencer said quickly, plucking it from Fenris’ hand to put it back.

“You just bought apples for aesthetic purposes then?” He scoffed, getting a chuckle from Hawke.

“Yes, that is exactly what I am doing with them. I’m placing them in a fruit bowl so when people walk by, they will think we are sophisticated men.”

With a fake laugh, Fenris left the kitchen, leaving Hawke to slouch over the sink with a sigh. It was weird, he didn’t want to tell Fenris that the apples were for him. He wanted it to be a surprise, maybe it would make Fenris a bit more open to him. 

“By the way, there’s a scary movie coming on tonight, thought you might want to watch it with me?” Fenris poked his head into the kitchen, making Hawke jump slightly.

He turned his head to look at the man, “What movie is it?”

“I’m not sure, something about a ring? I would have to look,” Fenris shrugged.

“As long as we leave the lights on, have plenty of popcorn, and lots of blankets to hide in,” Spencer declared. He honestly hated scary movies, it made him feel like a child when he got scared like that. 

“I think I can handle that, but I have to watch scary movies in the dark, so you’ll have to compromise,” Fenris teased, before retreating back into the living room.

“Ugh, I’m gonna die,” He responded, before preparing to make the dessert he wanted.

At first, he wanted to make something simple, like an apple pie. But he thought about those delicious apple fritters his mother used to make when he was little. She doused them with powdered sugar and when they were up late at night, she would sometimes let him dip his in frosting.

So, that’s what he prepared, crawling into the recede of his mind to remember the hazy recipe she had taught him.

He diced the apples, and then combined all the wet and dry ingredients he had bought today. The batter was slightly lumpy and dry, but he knew that’s what the batter usually looked like. He couldn’t over-mix either, unless he wanted hard, dense fritters. He added the apples with a pinch of brown sugar and cinnamon, the extra sweetness his mom always added.

He heated the oil and was preparing to drop them in, when Fenris entered the kitchen once more.  
“The movie’s about to come on in a couple minutes…what are you doing in here?” Fenris questioned, eyeing the batter in Spencer’s hands.

“What does it look like, I’m making something!” Hawke said quickly, throwing a few fritters into the oil.

“It smells…delicious. Is there any way I could have a couple when you are finished?”

A small smile played at Spencer’s lips, and he turned his gaze back to the oil, flipping the fritters he’d put in.

“It’s a surprise,” He finally said, winking over at Fenris.

His roommate looked at him with a bewildered expression, realized he wouldn’t get a better answer, and went to begin making popcorn. After a couple more minutes, the fritters were done and Hawke practically drowned them in powdered sugar. He sighed and stared at them with a satisfied expression, wiping his sweaty forehead.

“Are they done?” Fenris inquired, trying to peek over Hawke’s shoulder.

“Being a little impatient, are we, Fenris?”

In response, his stomach growled, making Hawke laugh. “Alright, you can have as many as you want, I made them for you. You have to guess what’s in them though.”

“They’re for me? All of them?” Fenris asked slowly as Hawke moved back so Fenris could step in front of the plate full of fritters.

“Yeah, that was the surprise! So, surprise! Now eat one, I slaved over the stove for a good hour making these,” He said, pretending to fan himself like a southern belle.

“You didn’t have to…do anything for me. I feel like I am in debt to you now,” He said uncertainly.

“For food? Don’t worry about it, Fenris. I wanted to make you something you might like, so try it,” He urged his roommate, giving him a big grin.

The man watched Hawke for a few seconds, opening his mouth before closing it. Hawke thought he might decline to eat them, but Fenris turned around and picked up one of the pastries.

“What is it?” He questioned Spencer, but Spencer just shrugged and nodded.

He took a bite, chewing achingly slow, like it was poison. After the first bite, though, his eyes grew wide and he ate the whole thing within seconds.

“It’s delicious!” He exclaimed happily, his eyes sparkling as he picked up another and started munching on it.

“I’m glad you like it; can you tell what’s in it?”

Fenris glanced up at him, and his nibbling stopped. His gaze became thoughtful as he took another bite, before recognition clouded his vision.

“Apple? It tastes like apples and cinnamon,” He guessed, meeting Hawke’s gaze with his gorgeous green eyes.

“Ding ding ding, you’re right, good sir! What I made today is apple fritters. Because you said you liked apples, if I’m not mistaken,” Hawke disclosed his secret to Fenris, who in turn blushed all the way to his ears.

“You remembered I said that?” He wondered embarrassedly, his eyes dropping from Hawke’s face down to his bare feet.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m the one who asked,” Spencer said with a reassuring smile.

The microwave went off, and he saw Fenris jump. With a chuckle, he went over and took the popcorn out, dumping it in a bowl.

“So, you think the movie has already started?”

Fenris took his apple fritters with him to the couch, where a good four blankets were laying. Hawke, without hesitation, slipped out of his shirt and wrapped himself in three blankets, offering the last one to Fenris, who declined.

“Just so you know, I’m a big scaredy cat. If I scream, just know that I’m a tough man at heart,” Hawke blurted, curling his legs to his chest, he used his knees as a table for the popcorn.

“Right, you’re a real ferocious tiger,” He mocked, making Hawke’s cheeks heat up. Fenris turned off the lights throughout the house before plopping down beside a bundled-up Hawke.

Once he began the movie, Hawke regretted ever agreeing to watch this fucked-up movie. He became interested in the plot points, but it was the jump scares that really messed him up, as well as the creepy atmosphere.

“Oh no, don’t do that!” Hawke groaned at one point, burying his face into his many blankets. Fenris glanced over at Hawke with an amused expression, before his eyes flicked towards the blanket.

“Would you mind sharing some of your warmth?” Fenris questioned.

“My-my what?” Spencer looked up sharply at Fenris.

“The blankets, you dummy. I’m freezing,” Fenris elaborated, reaching out to pull some of the blankets towards him.

“I can just give you one, I doubt you want to share blankets with me,” Hawke pointed out quickly, getting flustered at the mere thought of sharing blankets.

“I don’t mind, I wouldn’t want you to get cold,” Fenris responded smoothly. After a moment, Fenris scooted over so the side of his body pressed against Hawke’s, and he wrapped the blankets around himself.

Spencer could feel the heat radiating off of Fenris’ body, and he could feel his leg pressed against his own. Fenris smelled like coconut shampoo, and it was intoxicating. It was almost too much, but his body relaxed and he reveled in the thought that it actually felt nice.

When another jump-scare happened, Spencer felt like he was going to jump out of his skin, his whole body jerked and he buried his head into the blankets with a whimper.

“We can stop watching if it scares you that much,” Fenris’ soft voice whispered close to his ear.

“No, no, I’m a man, I can handle this,” Hawke mumbled, peeking up at the screen again.

Hawke felt Fenris curl up beside him, and his weight shifted so that he was leaning against Hawke. 

Without saying anything, his roommates hand found Spencer’s and he intertwined their fingers gently. Surprise filled Spencer’s body and he tensed up momentarily, his eyes darting to Fenris’ face. It seemed his attention was on the movie, and he made no move to explain his motives. So, Hawke relaxed and squeezed the man’s hand tenderly. Maybe he was trying to help him stay calm during this onslaught of horror Fenris himself was putting Hawke through. Or maybe it was something else? Spencer’s breath caught in his throat as he thought of the possibility.

They were ¾ of the way through the movie when a particularly scary climax was ensuing. Hawke had finished off the popcorn and only one fritter remained from the ten he made earlier. Spencer had not gotten to eat one.

“Oh crap, don’t do that, you’re going to die,” Hawke muttered, his nerves on edge, he squeezed Fenris’ hand tightly, not daring to look away from the screen.

His roommate squeezed back affirmatively, his eyes glued to the screen.

As the movie neared its climax, his front door burst open. Honestly, it was at the bottom of his list of scenarios that he thought would happen while he was watching a scary movie. He wasn’t expecting it, and he almost peed his pants at the sudden terror that consumed him.

So, he screamed, like a little girl, turning his head, he buried it in the crook of Fenris’ neck like the man would protect him.

A familiar loud laugh brought him back to the present, and the lights flashed on. His breath came in short gasps as he opened his eyes to stare at Fenris’ very red neck. He turned his gaze to the intruders in his house, his eyes like daggers.

Varric stood across the room, laughing so hard he looked like a fish gasping for water. Tears came to his eyes as he looked over at Hawke.

“I d-didn’t know you could scream like that, Hawke. Holy s-shit,” Varric forced out in between fits of laughter.

“You cunt, why would you bust into my apartment like that?! I hate you so much right now!” Hawke yelled.

“I texted you earlier, and you know that tonight is poker night!” He said, his laughing dying down.

He felt Fenris release his hand and Spencer turned towards the man, “Fenris, I am so sorry for screaming like that, um, I’m a tough man at heart?”

“Don’t worry, Hawke, I’ll keep your girlish screams secret,” Fenris promised with an amused expression.

“I won’t,” Varric jested, before he wiped away his tears, “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought over a friend to play poker tonight. He’s bringing up some food I bought earlier.”

“I guess the usual gang is coming?” Hawke questioned, unwrapping himself from the blankets and standing up.

“Well, your sister ditched us because she’s got to study for exams. But Isabela, Aveline, and Merrill should be here shortly. And my friend of course.”

“Who exactly is your ‘friend’? Am I going to be flirted with and/or bombarded with questions I prefer not to answer?”

“He’s a big flirt, but he seems he has a crush on someone, so I wouldn’t count on him to be a flirt tonight. He’s really bad at playing cards though, so at least you won’t be the loser without pants this time, Hawke.”

“Hey, I only lost because Merrill cheated and drew from the discarded pile!”

“I think I’m going to bed,” Fenris said behind him.

“You don’t want to stay for cards? You might get to see Hawke naked,” Varric responded, a smug grin on his face.

“As tempting as that sounds, I’m not that good at cards, and you sound like a cut-throat bunch,” Fenris speculated, coming to stand by Hawke.

“Varric, where you at?” Hawke heard another familiar voice that made his stomach drop.

“First door on the left, I left it open for you!”

“What’s your friend’s name?” Spencer asked, staring down at Varric.

“I was going to let him introduce himself, but if you must know before he even gets here, it’s Anders.”

Spencer turned to look at his door as Anders entered, shaking off his coat that had snow flurries caught on it. He had a few bags full of food. He looked up and his eyes darted to Hawke’s face immediately. His cheeks turned even redder than they were from the cold. The doctor looked over Hawke, drinking in the bare skin of his chest. Anders shut the door behind him and made his way over to the group.

“You didn’t tell me Hawke was the host of poker night. I thought you still played poker with that Isabela woman?”

“I do, but her apartment just isn’t as nice as Spencer’s is,” He paused, staring in between them, “I take it you two already know one another?”

“I work at the same hospital,” Hawke forced out, moving his eyes away from Anders’ face to Varric’s.

“Oh right, you did say you got a job at the hospital. I had no idea it would be the same floor as Anders. What a small world,” Varric gave a good-hearted laugh, but Hawke couldn’t really reciprocate it. They had left things on an awkward note, and Hawke wasn’t really sure how to go about Anders now.

“So, are you sure you won’t stay for cards, Fenris? We need someone to fill Bethany’s place besides Anders, who will always lose,” Varric said, elbowing Anders.

Spencer turned his head towards Fenris, thinking about what happened between them earlier, a warm feeling spread over his chest.

“I think you should join us,” Spencer prompted softly, his eyes trained on Fenris. His roommate looked over at Anders, then up at Hawke. His green eyes that were usually hard and calculating seemed too soft and tender to really be Fenris. 

“Alright, fine. I’ll stay and play your games,” He grumbled with a sigh, “Just please stop with your puppy dog eyes.” He jabbed at Hawke, but there was no malice in his words. A small smile curled at his lips.

“He does have quite the puppy eyes, doesn’t he? I’ve fallen for his tricks numerous times,” Varric joked, moving over to the dining room table.

“I don’t have puppy dog eyes, I don’t know what you guys see, but it isn’t that!” Hawke insisted, going back into the living room to find a shirt.

“Wow, Hawke is putting on a shirt for poker night. It’s a miracle!” Varric laughed, unpacking the bags Anders brought in.

“Hey now, I wear shirts all the time. It’s just when you come over, I’m in my home, so it does not require a shirt!” He explained, picking up a shirt and realizing once again that it was not his.

“Fenris, you are as bad as me!” Hawke called to his roommate, who turned towards him. Spencer put the smaller shirt against his torso and posed, “You think this will look nice?”

“You don’t need to reuse your jokes, Hawke. I found the joke stupid the first time you used it,” Fenris retorted, his eyes were still sparkling though.

“I thought Varric and Anders might want to hear my comedic masterpieces as well,” Hawke defended himself, tossing the shirt to Fenris, who caught it easily.

“Hawke, don’t flatter yourself, we all know you aren’t that funny,” He heard Isabela in the hallway, and he sighed heavily.

“Everyone’s a critic,” Hawke muttered, picking up another shirt and slipping it on. It was just a plain grey t-shirt.

“So, who’s ready to lose tonight?!” Isabela asked as she entered the dining room. She flexed her hips in a suggestive way, pointing finger guns at Hawke and pretending to shoot.

“Don’t point your fingers at me, Isabela. I’m going to win!” Hawke replied, puffing out his chest and glaring at her.

She rolled her eyes before her eyes caught Anders as well as Fenris. A smile grew on her face and Hawke stifled a groan.

“Hello there, cuties, are you both joining us for wicked grace?” She reached them and wrapped both arms around them, pulling them close.

“Only because Hawke asked me too,” Fenris said bluntly, pulling away from her.

Isabela glanced over in Hawke’s direction and gave some not-so-discreet thumbs up.

“What about you, hot stuff, are you joining us as well?”

“Isabela, could you please stop macking on him, he’s not interested,” Hawke snapped, the venom in his voice making him falter.

“Wo-oah, Hawke, did I pinch a nerve there? Is this your boyfriend or something? I don’t remember you being that possessive,” She teased at him, removing her arm from Anders’ shoulder.

“That wasn’t- I was-“ He heard the door open once again and he was glad Aveline came into the room with Merrill trailing behind her.

“Hello everyone, I hope we’re not too late,” Aveline said with a gentle smile.

“Nah, though you did come in at a climatic point,” Varric poked fun at Hawke, which Hawke wasn’t amused.

“Merrill had to get off of work early, so it took a moment for her to apologize to her boss,” Aveline said with a shrug.

“Thank you again for driving me, Aveline,” Merrill said quickly, taking her place at the table.

“It’s no problem, Merrill,” Aveline responded, sitting beside Merrill.

Hawke sat across from Aveline, turning his head to look at Varric who took up the seat at the head of the table. Isabela took the end seat, that left the seat beside Hawke, and the random chair someone would have to pull up.

“You can have that seat, you’re a guest,” He heard Fenris say from behind him.

Anders slid into the seat beside Hawke, and he turned his gaze to Spencer’s face, a nervous smile forming on his lips.

“Good luck, Anders. Please don’t bet all your money, you’ll lose your pants in this house,” Hawke joked.

“Are you telling me you guys play strip wicked grace?” Anders questioned, turning a scowl towards Varric, who was shuffling cards.

“Usually. If it gets too bad for the girls, we usually tell them to stop. Isabela doesn’t seem to have a problem taking off all her clothes, as well as Hawke. So, if you feel uncomfortable, we won’t make you take off your underwear,” Varric informed him with a wicked smile.

“Do I seem like the type to back down from a challenge, Varric?” Anders asked, his eyes glinting.

Hawke felt someone sit down on his other side and he looked over to see Fenris had pulled up the extra chair next to him. They had to squeeze together for him to fit, so his upper arm was pressed against Fenris’ smaller shoulder.

“I’ll shuffle and deal, Isabela, I’ll let you cut the cards,” Varric said, before looking over at Fenris, “You know how to play wicked grace, right?”

“Of course,” Fenris replied, his face blank as a canvas.

“Let me cut the cards, Isabela cheats when she cuts!” Aveline cut in quickly, glaring daggers over at Isabela, who looked around innocently.

Halfway through the game Isabela was drunk off her ass, Aveline lost her shoes, socks, and shirt. Anders was down to his boxers, and Hawke down to his trunks and socks. Everyone had lost at least one piece of clothing besides Fenris, who had won almost every hand.

“You gotta be kidding me, are you sure you aren’t good at cards? Or was that just another rouse so we would want you to play more badly?” Varric asked as Fenris placed down his cards with a smirk.

“It might have been, I never reveal my plays though,” Fenris mused vaguely, a smile on his lips.

“Looks like blondie lost this one, though Hawke is pretty much tied with him,” Varric looked over at Anders, laughing. Hawke let out a groan and put his head in his hands.

Anders gulped, “So, I guess I have to take off my last article of clothing.”

“That’s the rules, unless you’re chickening out now,” Isabela crowed from across the table. She had on no bra underneath her shirt, it was the only thing she had to take off so far.

“Don’t pressure him, I told him he doesn’t have too,” Varric protested.

“No, no, I’m no chicken,” He took a deep breath before letting out an airy laugh.

He stood up and Hawke looked away, a blush rising in his cheeks. He did not want to see, though at the same time, he really wanted to peek.

He heard fabric slid against skin and then Anders sat back down with a thud. Isabela whistled and the girls giggled. Hawke moved his face back to the table, sneaking one peek over at Anders’ face. He seemed pretty neutral about the whole experience, but his whole face was definitely red.

“I think the next hand should probably be the last,” Varric announced.

That didn’t happen though, the games lasted till around two in the morning. By the end, Aveline was in her bra and underwear, Isabela had her tits flying free, Varric had no shirt on, Fenris had removed his socks, and Merrill had removed her shoes and socks.

Anders had no more clothing to remove, so when he lost, everyone just laughed at him. Hawke tried his hardest not to lose anymore, but he did end up losing his socks.

The last hand was doozy though, and Spencer realized with a groan that there was no way anyone had a worse hand than he. Once the Angel of Death was pulled, Hawke slapped his cards down with a defeated sigh.

“Fenris, you sly dog, we’re all going to owe you for weeks after this, how are you so good at the game?” Varric asked incredulously. 

“Practice, Varric, lots of practice,” Fenris responded, before peering down at Hawke’s cards. He snickered and then looked up at Spencer with a smirk.

“Seems like Hawke lost this round, that means you gotta take off another piece of clothing,” Isabela slurred, winking at him.

“As if you vultures haven’t seen me naked before!” Hawke snapped with a humorous tone.

“I haven’t,” Anders piped up, startling everyone.

“Slow down there, pretty boy. Hawke’s pants aren’t easily gotten into. Trust me, I’ve tried,” Isabela stuck out her tongue.

“Shut up, Isabela,” Hawke responded in the sweetest voice he could muster before he took off his trunks.

“Right, everyone look away, I’m a shy little boy,” Hawke stood up slowly and shyly played with the waist band of his underwear.

“Don’t make me laugh, Hawke, take off your trousers,” Isabela demanded, slamming her fist on the table.

Hawke let out a long sigh and yanked his only remaining clothes down, letting them fall to his ankles.

“Oh, Hawke’s got a boner!” Isabela laughed loudly, and Hawke sat down with what little dignity he had left.

He thunked his head down against the table and stared down at the floor. Varric cleared his throat and began collecting the cards up again, putting them in their sheathe.

“I think we’re done for the night, let’s start picking up clothes and heading out!” Varric declared, standing up.

Spencer peeked up to see everyone grabbing their clothes and slipping them back on. He followed suit, glad everyone only saw his dick for less than a couple minutes. He yanked his trunks up and searched around for his pants.

“Looking for these?” Fenris tapped his shoulder and handed him his black sweatpants.

“Thanks Fenris,” He put them on, before looking over at Fenris, “Did you enjoy tonight? I hope they weren’t too much for you.”

“It was…interesting. I would like to join your poker night if that’s alright,” He said carefully.

“Yeah, you can, we always need someone who can beat Varric’s ass at wicked grace. He’s been the reigning champ for over five months,” Hawke said, casting a glare towards Varric.

“I like the view as well,” Fenris murmured, before brushing past Hawke.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he went over the words Fenris had just said. Once he finally made out what he was saying, he gave an embarrassed laugh, his whole face turning red.

“Hawke, could I possibly talk to you?” He heard Anders approach, and he turned to him.

He was fully dressed, except his button-up shirt was one button off. Hawke nodded, moving closer to him so he could hear.

“Privately, I mean,” Anders prompted, stopping Spencer in his tracks. He quickly nodded and took ahold of Anders’ wrist, leading him to his room.

Havoc was at the door as soon as he opened it, throwing him against the wall as she barreled out of his room to greet everyone. He made a pained face, cursing after the dog, he brought Anders inside and closed the door behind him.

“You weren’t wrong about your dog being 200 pounds, I thought she was going to maul your face off,” Anders laughed, and Hawke laughed with him.

“Yeah, she really is a big dog, but as I said, she a cuddler,” He paused before turning to eye Anders, “What did you want to talk about?”

Anders took a deep breath, before his face took on a guilty expression. Hawke shifted towards him, wondering why he had such a guilty look on his face. He didn’t want him to look like that.

“I wanted to apologize, for my behavior earlier today. I remembered some bad things, and then I took it out on you, but you don’t deserve that. So, I’m sorry, Hawke,” Anders was twisting the bottom on his sweater, his knuckles clenched tight.

“Anders,” He began, letting out all his breath, “It’s alright, really. I’m sorry that I might have said something to upset you. But, you don’t have to keep those things to yourself. I’m not just here as eye candy, I can listen, if you want to talk about something. I promise I’ll always try my best to understand,” He said, smiling reassuringly towards Anders.

“You said nothing to upset me, if anything, I upset myself!” Ander quickly exclaimed, reaching out to grip Hawke’s arms. He bashfully looked down, “I know you’re not just eye candy, Hawke, I just haven’t had anyone really want to listen to my problems. Should I have the right to force my problems onto someone else?”

“I’m not just _someone else_ , Anders, I’m...I’m, well, what am I?” He questioned Anders, gazing down at the man.

“You’re asking me? We are friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes, but is that what you want?” Hawke prompted, feeling Anders’ grip tighten on his arms. He stared down at Anders, who looked back up at Hawke with amber eyes.

“Well, I…you’re a handsome man, Hawke. I like you more than I probably should. I will probably also get in trouble at work if we try to further our relationship past friendship, but if…if you want something more…” He trailed off, his face twisting into a look of embarrassment, “I would appreciate it if you stopped me when I look like a complete fool, Hawke.”

“You don’t,” Spencer breathed, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Anders, startled, moved away slightly, but Hawke didn’t want him too. He reached out, taking the man’s hands in his.

“I can’t be the only one who wants something, don’t leave the decision up to me. What do you want?” Anders implored, his hands shaking in Hawke’s.

“Hmmm…let me think,” He stared down at their hands momentarily, before smirking down at Anders. He didn’t say anything, setting his jaw and staring for a reaction.

Anders apparently didn’t like that at all, and his eyebrows furrowed and he scowled up at Spencer, “Hawke, if you don’t say something, I might do something we’ll both regret.”

“Do it then,” Spencer said dismissively, scratching his fingernails against Anders’ soft skin. Anders released Spencer’s hand and reached back to cup Hawke’s neck, his other hand pressing against Spencer’s abdomen. He yanked Spencer’s face down to his height and smashed their lips together. It honestly wasn’t what Spencer was expecting to happen, but it was one of the things he hoped would happen. It was an awkward and rushed kissed, leaving both party members out of breath as they pulled apart.

Anders didn’t move his hands away from Hawke as he stared up at him with half-lidded eyes, probably waiting for some kind of reaction.

“You have quite the way with words,” Hawke claimed, a smile breaking onto his lips. Anders’ hand on his neck moved up to run through Hawke’s hair, before pulling back fully.

“I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t jump the gun on that one. I just wanted to- I don’t know, convey my feelings in actions rather than words?” Anders confided, his eyebrows raising slightly.

“Please don’t apologize, Anders, that was…amazing. It’s weird, isn’t it? That was an awkward kiss, but I still loved it,” Hawke laughed nervously, clasping his hands together and looking down at them.

There was a knock at the door that made them both jump.

“Are you two almost done in there? You’re my ride home, Anders,” Varric said on the other side of the door.

“Yeah, I’m coming, sorry Varric,” Anders called, before turning to Hawke. He grinned, a gentle and sweet smile that sent butterflies in Hawke’s stomach.

“Let’s go out on a date, Hawke. Dinner, maybe a movie? No interruptions, no mixed feelings,” He reached up and caressed Spencer’s cheek.

“I think I would like that,” Hawke responded, his cheeks heating up.

“Then I’ll text you some details tomorrow. Thanks for talking with me Hawke, I have a big weight off my shoulders now,” He let out a relieved smile, before turning away. He opened the door and soon he was gone. Hawke plopped down on his bed as Havoc came sniffing in, jumping onto the bed and laying her head in his lap. Spencer petted her head, before he realized he had a date with Anders. His mouth turn upwards and he couldn’t hide his happiness as he got ready for bed.


	5. First Date!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, this is the first date with Anders! Hawke is SUPER excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me tumblr: [Here ya go](lovelylittlekitten.tumblr.com)
> 
> Does this chapter seem weird? I don't know, the more I look at it, the more it bothers me...

### 

Chapter Five:

“You’re hopeless, Spencer, really,” He heard Bethany’s voice on the other end of the phone. He had decided to call her a couple days later, wondering if she could give any sound advice.

“Why don’t we meet or something? I was going to have lunch with Aveline anyways, you can join us,” She said with a dismissive tone.

“I have work this afternoon, and I’m going to see him at work, Bethany! I need help, I’m failing at being an actual person!” Spencer wailed desperately.

“Ow, Spencer, there’s no need to shout like that, I get what you’re saying,” She paused and Hawke almost thought she hung up on him, before she spoke again, “If he’s crazy enough to ask you out on a date the way you act sometimes, I don’t think he can really be weirded out too much more.” She confirmed.

“I just work with him, Beth, he’s been to my house once, and it was a fluke! If he gets to know me any better, he’ll go screaming for the hills no doubt,” He stated miserably.

“Then why did you accept the date? If you want to spare him from your dry humor and clumsiness, I would’ve gone a totally different direction,” Bethany quipped, and he could hear the blatant sarcasm in her voice.

“You are not being helpful, I should’ve called Varric,” He groaned, falling backwards onto the bed and waking up Havoc, who was sleeping peacefully in his pillows.

“He would’ve gave horrible advice, something about sex and seducing. I can give you real advice,” She reassured him.

“Then please give it already, I need to go to work soon.”

He heard her take a deep breath, exhaling, “Just be yourself Spencer, I doubt he would ask you on a date without being sure of himself. Unless he has the self-confidence of a goldfish, and if so, I wish you luck,” She giggled at her own joke.

“I hate you so much,” Hawke ground out, but he was chuckling.

“No you don’t! You love me! I’m your favorite little sister!” She yelled through the phone, startling Havoc.

“There’s no need to shout, Bethany. You woke Havoc,” He scolded, smiling.

“I’m sorry Havoc,” She called, and he heard Havoc’s tail start to thump against the bed.

“Alright, if this goes well, you’ll be the first to know,” Hawke promised, “I’ll talk to you later, baby sister. I love you.”

“I can’t wait to hear all the little details, big brother. I love you too,” And with that, he hung up.

“Havoc, do you have any sound advice for me?” Hawke peered over at his large, snoring dog. The lump didn’t even move her head, and Spencer sighed.

He put on his work clothes and left his room, trudging out into the living room to grab his coat and boots. Fenris was already gone for work, and would probably be finishing as Hawke just got to work. He peered out the window to see sharp icicles clinging to the roof of the deck. He couldn’t wait till it was spring, at least it wouldn’t be this cold. And snowing almost every day.

Hawke put on his boots and tied them, slipping into his jacket and reaching for his scarf. It was second-nature now to wrap the scarf around his neck and take in a long breath of the light apple scent that was slowly disappearing from being in his house. He wondered if Anders’ house smelled like apples.

A blush rose in his cheeks and he shook his head furiously. What a weird question, he could see what Bethany was talking about.

Once he was prepared to deal with the -1000-degree weather outside, he grabbed his keys, wallet, and his phone, shoving them in his jacket pockets.

He opened the door and wasn’t looking as he stepped out, and he ran into someone with an ‘omph’. He whipped his head around, and relaxed when he saw he had ran into Isabela.

“How did you get in?” Hawke asked with suspicion. She took a step back as he closed and locked the apartment door.

“I got a nice gentleman who was coming in to let me in. I told ‘em I left my keycard in my apartment,” She said innocently, to which Spencer glared at her.

“You seduced one of my neighbors? You bring me shame, Bela,” He grumbled, trying to scoot past her.

She pressed her fist against his shoulder and then he was pinned to the wall, knocking the breath out of him. He gaped at her incredulously.

“So, I want to talk about poker night. More specifically, about that Anders’ guy,” She cocked her eyebrow as Hawke bashfully looked away from her prying gaze.

“What is there to talk about? You barely met him!” He fumbled, trying to push her away.

“You went into your bedroom with him, and didn’t come out for a while,” She insinuated.

“Are you kidding me, Isabela? What, you thought I had sex with him for the ten minutes he was in my room? I don’t know what you know about gay sex, but I can promise it’s not that quick,” He said with an annoyed tone.

“Well, what happened then? I’m only asking as a concerned friend, Hawke,” She said, removing her fist from his shoulder and stepping back.

Hawke smoothed out his clothes and scowled over at her, “If you really must know, he asked me out and I said yes.”

She squealed, grabbing an unexpecting Hawke by his arms and shaking him furiously. 

“You got a date? With that hottie?! I’m secretly jealous that you get all the hot men, but I’m also super happy you are finally getting out of your shell again!”

“I get out of my shell just enough, Isabela. And it’s not a secret if you tell me, Bela,” He sighed, but was excited himself.

“Where’s he taking you? Is it somewhere fancy? He is a doctor, right? I bet he has a lot of money. You are a lucky bastard.”

“Isabela, though I love chatting about my personal affairs with you, I really am going to be late for work.”

She gave him a disappointed look, before turning, “Alright fine, but if you don’t tell me all the juicy details after the date, I will hunt you down relentlessly like I did today,” She threatened lightly, looking over her shoulder with a smirk.

She laughed at his fake horrified expression, before going over to the stairs and taking her leave.  
Hawke finally let out all his breath and thanked the Maker he was done with Isabela’s nosiness until after his date. Then she would be back on him like stink on shit.

Spencer left his apartment and trudged to work, the bitter cold winds freezing him all the way down to his skin. At least his scarf kept his face warm. 

Barely anyone was out at the moment, most were already at work at this point. And it was too cold for people to be roaming outside like they usually did on sunny Kirkwall afternoons.

Hawke entered the hospital and went up to the fourth floor. His nerves were now wound up tight as he thought Anders was going to be there, working. Not like he would see him frequently, but he was still fidgeting as he clocked in and sat down at the front desk.

Merrill was sorting through some papers behind the desk, and she greeted Hawke warmly as he plopped down at the desk with a sigh.

“I brought you some coffee from the café down the street, the barista told me it was for you specifically,” Merrill informed Spencer, sitting down beside him and scooting a cardboard cup of hot coffee to him.

Hawke inspected the cup, and found in big, black letters the word ‘Sorry’ scribbled on the side. Hawke knew it was Sebastian, and he was also sure it was Bethany who made him send an apology.

Work was agonizingly slow, and it made the day drag. Hawke wanted nothing more but to go home and snuggle in his warm bed, maybe watch a movie. As he thought about that, his mind drifted. What if Anders was there with him? He chuckled as he thought about them cuddling, possibly doing more…

“ **Augh!** ” As Hawke leaned back in his seat, the chair groaned and tipped backwards. The papers that were clenched in Spencer’s hands went flying up and sprinkled around like fallen snow. He hit the ground with a “ _Fuck!_ ”, his breath knocked out of him.

“Spencer! Oh, my, are you ok?!” He heard Merrill’s worried voice off to the side, and he groaned in response.

The few people who were in the waiting room plus the nurses bustling about stopped to snicker at him. Spencer picked himself up, dusting off his front and hauling his chair back up. Now he had to pick up all those papers and sort them once again. He raked his hand down his face with a groan.

“What are you all laughing at? Ms. Holly, please go check on patient 405. Mr. Gregario, I hope those sheets are clean for Miss Hamburg in room 420,” He heard Anders stern voice, and Hawke quickly started picking up the papers he threw everywhere. He got down on his knees to collect the ones on the floor.

Once the doctors and nurses were back doing their jobs and not making fun of clumsy Spencer, Hawke saw a pair of nicely shined shoes approach.

He looked up and gave Anders’ a small charming smile, “Hello there doctor, working hard as ever, I assume?”

Anders gave him a not-so-amused look, but he was slightly smiling. “Were you daydreaming? I told you I didn’t want a repeat of my office fiasco, but it seems you couldn’t help yourself.”

“I’m picking up the papers, doctor. Besides that, the chair is at fault here. It’s a menace!” He defended himself against Anders, his teal eyes sparkling.

Anders didn’t seem impressed with his explanation, moving his hands to put them on his hips as he watched Spencer shuffle around on the floor to pick up papers.

“Do you need any help, Spencer?” Merrill asked, returning from copying some paper and standing beside Anders.

“Um, if you don’t mind, I can’t seem to find all the papers,” He mumbled.

“Dr. Anders, be a dear and help Spencer,” Merrill instructed the lead doctor, _her boss_ , with a sweet tone.

“What?” Anders exclaimed, dumbfounded. His eyebrows knitted together at the sound of ‘Spencer’.

Out of the corner of Hawke’s eye, he saw Merrill give him a wink, and Spencer wanted to scream. Why did everyone feel the need to dabble in his private life?

“I have to go store these papers in Dr. Marct’s office,” She lifted the thick folders bundled in her hands, before smiling kindly at him, “It would help me greatly if you did.”

With her eyes, how could anyone tell the innocent girl no. But now, to Hawke, she didn’t seem so innocent. Anders let out a sigh and waved his hand, “Alright.”

He started collecting loose papers from the desk, before getting down on his knees as well.

“How many papers did you have in your hands?” Anders mumbled with an irritated tone.

“It was a folder-full. I might have- uh- been daydreaming,” Spencer admitted sheepishly, not turning to look at the doctor.

“Hawke, you can’t just sit around all day dreaming about silly things, I hired you to work,” Anders replied.

“It was about you!” Spencer blurted before he realized it. His eyes widened to dinner plates and he scrambled a couple of paces away, his whole face, even his ears, were red.

In his attempt to crawl away, he found a few more papers, whisking them up in his arms as he passed.  
There was a moment of aching silence, and Hawke could feel the oncoming laughter.

“What was about me? Your daydreams?” He heard Anders shuffle a bit behind him, his tone was very amused and it made Spencer blush even harder.

Why couldn’t the floor just swallow him up now? What was he thinking? With a defeated sigh, he plopped onto the floor. The tile’s coldness soaked into his thin shirt and he felt like dying.

“Hawke, please get off the floor, I picked up the rest of the papers,” Anders ordered in a gentle tone.

“No, this is my home now. I deserve this because I can’t act like a normal human being,” He mumbled, pressing his cheek against the cold floor.

“Hawke please, you’re going to scare patients when they walk by. They might think you’re dead,” Anders said in a joking manner.

“Might as well be, I can’t even function in the most public of places,” Hawke wailed, his voice sounded weird since his face was squished against the floor.

“Really, it wasn’t as bad as you think. I thought it was cute,” Anders said in a reassuring voice.

Hawke turned his head slightly to look up at Anders, who was staring down at him with a smile.

“You’re only saying that because you want me to get up,” Hawke replied with a huff, forcing himself off the ground. Once he was standing, he took the papers from Anders’ hands and set them on the desk.

“I think it was 50/50,” Anders offered with a smirk, before he glanced at the paper Hawke had just set down, “Why don’t you bring those to my office, I need to speak with you anyways.”

Spencer picked up the papers and followed Anders down the hall to his office. Once in there, Anders shut the door behind him. Hawke watched him suspiciously, moving to sit in one of the tiny white chairs in front of the big desk. He shifted uncomfortably, his legs were just not built for the tiny chair.

“I’m sorry about the chairs, I know they aren’t really made for _tiny_ people,” He emphasized the word ‘tiny’, making Hawke glare at the back of his head.

“Are you saying I’m freakishly tall? I take offense to that,” Hawke gasped with mock anger.

Anders approached him and put out his hands for the papers. Spencer gladly handed them off to the doctor, who set them on his desk and the proceeded to sit on his desk in front of Spencer.

His shins bumped against Hawke’s knees as he scooted back, and Hawke scooted back his chair as well, not really sure if he was comfortable being that close to the doctor.

“What did you want to talk about? I already know that I just tossed a bunch of papers all over the lobby and I am very sorry for what I did, Dr. Anders, really. I also know that I should be working harder, and I will respect your wishes for me to be a model worker who everyone looks up to when wanting to be their best, and blah blah blah,” Hawke droned on, his eyes finding Anders’.

“Well, that is the lecture I should probably be giving you, but something else is pulling at my attention,” Anders replied, his voice was slightly shaky.

“Does it have something to do with dogs? Perhaps what you’re having for dinner tonight? Or maybe my good looks?”

“I’ll admit, your looks do have some of my attention, but I’m more worried about dinner,” He leaned forward, his eyes not leaving Hawke’s.

“Same. I texted Fenris to set out some ground beef for tacos, but I doubt he even got out of bed,” Hawke joked, his voice weak. He swallowed hard as he realized he was alone, in his crush’s office, who was also his boss. Boy, what kind of soap opera show did he live in?

“Let’s go out to dinner tonight, _Hawke_ ,” Anders said softly.

Spencer let his breath out, all the come-backs, suave words slipping his mind.

“Ok,” He found himself replying.

“Come get me when you get off, I’ll be around,” Anders said with the biggest smile Hawke had seen on him to date. It looked relieved, nervous, and giddy all at the same time. Was that what Hawke looked like when Anders first asked him out? It was extremely endearing.

Hawke smiled back, almost hurting his face in the process, “Can’t wait.” Hawke stood up and was about to leave, when his foot caught the chair’s leg. He stumbled and ran straight into the door.

He fumbled around for the doorknob, hearing Anders chuckle behind him, “I’ll uh, be up front if you need me,” Spencer said quickly, exiting his office.

Once he was seated back at the front desk, Merrill turned to him, raising her eyebrows as she put her elbow on the desk and her chin in her palm. She gave him an expectant look.

Spencer turned to her slightly, “First off, how did you know about him and I? Besides poker night,” He asked, pointing a finger at her.

“Isabela called me, said you needed some ‘encouraging’. I also see the looks he gives you when you’re not looking. He’s definitely got a crush on you,” She then leaned forward a bit more, “So, what happened?”

“Well, if you must know, we’re going out to dinner tonight,” Hawke responded.

She pumped her fist, before she cleared her throat and went back to typing a report.

“I ship it,” She muttered.

Work lasted for another six hours, and Hawke was not prepared for how long that actually was. He kept sneaking peeks at the clock, wondering if time could go any slower. He did his work as usual, maybe throwing in a nap in the break-room on the most uncomfortable couch in the world. He was caught by Merrill, who scolded him for making her do all the work. So, by the time it was around 7, Hawke was ready to leave the hospital.

He clocked out, his palms becoming sweaty as he walked down the hall towards Anders’ office. It was a date; they were going on a date. Butterflies danced in his stomach as he thought about the words _date_ and _Anders_ in the same sentence.

As he approached the office, he heard talking, so he slowed his pace, till he stopped right outside the door. He walked by once and glanced inside, noticing it wasn’t an employee talking to Anders. As he passed, Anders looked up from the visitor’s face long enough to see Hawke walk by. Spencer wiggled his eyebrows at him, before disappearing on the other side of the door.

Hawke pressed his back to the wall and waited silently for Anders to finish his meeting. It barely lasted for half a minute more, before a man left the office. As he was leaving, his gaze traveled the area around him until he spotted Spencer. He glared at him once before leaving. Hawke stared after him with a confused expression before poking his head into Anders’ office.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything important?” Hawke questioned, stepping inside his office. Anders was stuffing a few papers into a drawer, his look guilty. Spencer titled his head, “Is something wrong?”

“No, no, sorry. You weren’t interrupting, he was just a friend. He was trying to tell me something that was stupid,” He gave a weak laugh, but he really didn’t seem to believe himself.

“Isn’t that what friends do?” Hawke responded, hoping to lighten Anders’ mood a little.

Anders stood up lightning fast, almost knocking over his chair, “You’re off work, I assume? Are you ready to go?” He reached back to grab a jacket.

“I am, if you are,” He bit back asking if Anders was alright once again, he looked like he really didn’t want to talk about it.

“Yes, I’m ready to get out of this stuffy hospital,” Anders complained lightly, slipping Hawke a smile.

“Are you going to change? I don’t know if scrubs count as date attire,” Hawke teased, looking over at him.

As he was saying this, Anders was removing his shirt, tossing it on his desk. Hawke blinked a couple of times, not really sure how to react. Anders saw the confusion in his gaze and smiled at him, “I’m changing into my date attire. I came prepared. Now, can you shut that door?”

“Do you want me to, uh, leave?” He stammered, his cheeks turning red.

“Only if you want too, Hawke,” He replied, undoing the strings on his pants. Spencer reached for the door and swung it shut, the door clicking quite audibly.

“You’re not bashful, it seems,” Spencer said, trying to make his voice even, but he just sounded squeaky and shy.

“I never had a reason to be. It’s not like you haven’t seen a chest and some legs before,” Anders retorted, glancing in his direction.

He was out of his pants and was now putting a pair of black jeans on. Hawke liked the way they fit on him, they curved around his ass nicely and hugged his hips just the right amount. 

“Besides that, you’ve already seen me naked. Poker night, remember?” Anders said, buttoning his pants and zipping them up.

“I wasn’t looking when you uh, pulled your boxers down, but I guess I saw enough,” Hawke said with an embarrassed tone.

Anders shimmied into a white t-shirt, before putting a grey knitted sweater on over it. Once he was done bundling himself up into winter clothing, he nodded and looked over at Hawke, “Ready to go?”

They left the hospital and Anders said he was driving them to the restaurant he wanted to go too. He asked Hawke if there was anything he wanted, but he left it up to Anders. The place wasn’t too far away from Hawke’s house, and it looked pretty nice when they pulled up. 

It was on one of the main streets, surrounded by many other bakeries and cafes, but it seemed to be the only place open. Warm light spilled from its windows and cast out onto the sidewalk. Inside was not busy enough to cause a wait, but it was still almost full. The sign wasn’t lit, so Hawke couldn’t make out the name of the restaurant. 

“I hope you like comfort food. This place will fatten you up real quick,” Anders joked as he parked the car.

“Sounds like my kind of place,” Hawke responded, rubbing his growling stomach and getting out of the car.

They entered the bustling restaurant and they were seated immediately. The menu was pretty small, lamented and flimsy. Most of the food was something Hawke would consider greasy and delicious. He took a picture of the menu and sent it to Bethany, who he’d knew would be jealous he got food like this.

“Any reason you’re taking a picture of the menu?” Anders questioned with an amused voice.

Hawke jumped before smiling sheepishly over at Anders, “Uh, yeah, it was sending it to my sister. She loves this kind of food, and I was trying to get her jealous.”

He smiled over at Spencer, his eyes lingering on him before the waitress came over to them to get their drink orders. She also gave Hawke a lingering look as she brought the drinks.

“Is there any way I could get the steak with mashed potatoes and um…coleslaw?” Hawke asked, smiling at the waitress. She nodded furiously before turning to Anders.

“I’ll take the grilled chicken with broccoli and potato skins,” Anders said, and she nodded. She tossed one more flirtatious glance towards Hawke, who wasn’t even looking at her, before going to place their orders.

“Seems that waitress likes you,” Anders pointed out after she was gone.

“Hm, what?” Hawke shook his head and blinked a couple times, “Does she? I wasn’t paying attention.”

“And what, pray tell, has drawn your attention so much that you don’t notice her blatant flirting?”

Spencer nervously shifts in his seat, giving Anders a goofy smile, “You, of course.”

It seems Anders wasn’t expecting that answer, because he quickly looks away from Hawke, his cheeks turning red.

“So, how do like working at the hospital so far?” Anders inquired after a moment, composing himself rather fast.

Hawke tapped his chin for a moment, “Hmmm, well besides the lead doctor pining for my affections and the nurses thinking I’m some kind awkward freak? I don’t mind working there.”

“Who says I am pining for your affections?” Anders questioned, his eyebrows raised.

“Well, uh, we are out on a date right now. If you aren’t trying to win my affections, what exactly are we doing? Is ‘date’ a new slang word for something much more innocent now? I can never keep up,” Spencer joked, clasping his hands together and eyeing Anders.

“Well, I don’t see your affections as something to be won, Hawke. Nor am I here just to get into your pants…” He trailed off as he realized that a waitress was passing by and heard nothing but the ‘getting in the pants’ part.

She gave him a disgusted look and scurried off. Hawke started giggling, hiding his mouth behind his hand in an attempt to stop. Anders looked after her miserably, before scowling over at Hawke.

“Stop laughing, it’s not funny,” He complained, earning a louder laugh from Spencer.

Hawke quelled his giggling outburst, letting out a long breath before staring at Anders with a wide smile, “I’m sorry, it was just the look she gave you! Priceless.”

He let out a smile, letting out a chuckle, “You’re right, it was kinda funny.”

Their dinner came out moments later, and Hawke was shocked it came out so quickly. The food looked delicious and Spencer was ready to shove it all in his face. He also didn’t want to seem like a complete pig on this date, so he ate like he wasn’t starving.

“Seems you like steak,” Anders stated, his eyes trained on Hawke. 

Spencer swallowed the food and nodded, “Yeah, my dad used to bring home gigantic cuts of beef and would fry it up for the whole family. We would each get a piece, and sometimes it would last us a few days.”

“That must have been expensive for your dad to buy.”

“Yeah, mom always told him he didn’t have to buy such a big carving, but he insisted, saying the price was nothing compared to eating a good meal with his family. He looked like a big tough guy, but my dad was such a softie,” He said, getting a wistful look about him.

“Sounds like you,” Anders responded, his voice soft.

The words on Spencer’s tongue died, anything he could have said flew out the window. He moved his eyes down to his plate and ate his food in silence.

“Did your parents call you Hawke when you were little?” Anders asked suddenly.

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed and he gave Anders a questioning look, “No, that really is my family last name. Though, at some point, my dad started calling me that, and it kind of just stuck. Now everyone calls me that,” He shrugged, pushing his plate away.

“You mentioned your sister, Bethany, right?” After Hawke nodded, he moved forward, “Does she call you Hawke?”

“Well no, because she’s my sister. She always calls me Spencer or sometimes brother, depending on her mood,” Hawke gave him a confused expression, “Why are you asking all these questions about my name?”

Anders opened his mouth, but was interrupted by the waitress, who handed them separate receipts. Anders looked up at the waitress, “Do you mind combining the checks? I’ll be paying tonight.”

Hawke tried to protest, but Anders gave him a dazzling smile, making him trip up. The girl frowned, taking back both checks and ran off to get the total.

“You don’t have to pay, I work too, you know,” Hawke said, pulling out his wallet as proof.

“You bought my coffee the first time, I’m just repaying you. Besides, I’m a gentleman, and I’ll pay for my date,” He said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“What does that make me? The girl?” Hawke teased, and Anders choked on his water. 

In between coughs, he sputtered out, “You, a girl? Hawke, you are definitely nothing like a woman.”

“Good thing then. If I was, this would make an awkward first date,” Hawke ribbed, grinning.

Anders paid, even though Hawke complained the whole time. Apparently, the waitress had put her phone number on Hawke’s check, because she had laid it discreetly under the main check.

Anders made fun of it while he signed off, making Hawke sink into his seat. 

It was weird, in all honesty. Hawke had felt slightly nervous coming into this date, but now he felt kind of relaxed and he was having a great time with Anders. Not that Anders still didn’t make him blush when he said certain things and vice versa, but Spencer liked this. He enjoyed going out on a date with him. He wanted to do it again.

As they left, Hawke remembered that Anders didn’t answer his question about his curiosity of Hawke’s name. They got in his car, and Hawke looked over at him.

“You never answered why you were asking so many questions about my name,” Spencer pointed out.

“It was nothing, I was thinking something, but it was kind of brash and selfish of me.”

“Well now I want to know even more. Besides that, I told you that you can tell me anything. So, spit it out, I’m dying to hear.”

Anders thought over his words for a moment, before letting out a sigh, “I was just thinking, Merrill calls you Spencer. And it made me wonder what made her so special that you allowed her to call you by your first name. And then I thought, I want to call you by your first name,” He mumbled out.

Spencer widened his eyes, staring at Anders incredulously, “Are you saying you were jealous because…Merrill calls me by my first name? Anders.”

“I know, it seems really stupid when I say it out loud. But you asked me to tell you, so there it is,” He muttered, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Hawke let out a small snicker, before turning to look out the window, mulling over what Anders told him. Did it really bother Anders that much that Merrill used his first name? It was just his name; it’s not like it means anything… wait. He did tell him that his family called him by his first name, and that Hawke’s sister did too. Maybe he thinks it’s some kind of affection thing? Hawke wasn’t completely sure as they pulled up to his apartment complex. He was sure though that this would bother Anders if he didn’t say something tonight.

They got out of the car and Hawke rounded the car to stand in front of Anders. He smiled warmly at the man, earning a small smile back. Without warning, Hawke reached out and pressed his hand to Anders’ cheek. Anders responded almost immediately, leaning into his touch and looking up at Hawke with a bigger, sweeter smile.

“Anders, if you want to call me Spencer, you can. It is my name after all,” He murmured.

“I feel so childish even thinking about something like that. Shows how long it’s been since I’ve been in a real relationship,” He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes moving up to search Hawke’s.

“I’m telling you that I want you to use my first name, Anders,” Hawke urged, caressing his thumb against the top of Anders’ cheek.

It took him a moment to respond, “So, do you think we could do this again, _Spencer_?”

The way he said Spencer’s name was intoxicating, Spencer just wanted to hear him say it again, to perhaps moan it in his ear… He was snapped from his thoughts when Anders repeated his name.

“Oh, sorry. Yes, I would love to do this again.”

They stood in silence after, neither one of them wanting to leave. Hawke’s feet felt rooted to the spot, and he could stare into Anders’ amber eyes all night. He wasn’t exactly sure who made the first move, but suddenly, lips were crashing together. It wasn’t a very romantic scene at first, the awkward angle almost made them smash foreheads. Their noses bumped one another as Hawke tilted his head to get a better position. He backed Anders up, almost tripping on the curb, until Anders was flush against the car and Hawke flush against him.

Spencer was the first to open his mouth, licking Anders’ lips as if asking for permission. The man below him gladly opened his mouth, their tongues meeting before exploring. Hawke moved his hands down to Anders’ waist, gripping him tightly. Anders moved one hand to the back of Spencer’s neck and the other to rub against his chest. Hawke had to dip his head slightly and Anders had to be on his tiptoes because of the slight height difference. Through his jeans, he could feel his erection rubbing against Anders’.

Hawke pulled away first, his breath ragged and his whole face flushed as he peered down at Anders. Anders was staring at him through half-lidded eyes, looking about the same as Hawke.

“I should…go inside,” Hawke muttered half-heartedly, shuffling back a few paces.

Anders hummed in agreement, so Hawke spun on his heel, going up the stairs to the door. He turned to look back at Anders, who was watching him leave.

“To be continued,” Hawke called to Anders with an awkward smile.

The man snorted at his lame joke, before hopping into his car. He didn’t pull away until Hawke was inside the building. Where Spencer promptly went straight to his room to scream into his pillow.


	6. Roller Coaster of emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ew, feelings and such. How is Hawke going to survive this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep reading this, and I wonder if I should have changed it? I'm just posting it before I change my mind.
> 
> My tumblr: [Woop](http://lovelylittlekitten.tumblr.com/)  
> Feel free to follow me! :D

### Chapter Six:

Going to work early in the morning was one of the things that Hawke despised. He liked to have a flexible afternoon schedule so he could stay up late and sleep in late. Usually even Anders didn’t come in as early as he had too. 

So, Hawke was exhaustively trying to put his foot through his pajama pants, when he heard a knock at the door.

“Fenris, can you please get the door? I’m struggling with my pants and I don’t want to scare off any girl scouts,” He called into the living room.

“As if Havoc barking at the children doesn’t already scare them off,” Fenris responded as he passed Hawke's closed bedroom door, “And I did not need to hear about your pants plight.”

“I thought I should give an excuse to why I can’t answer the door!” Spencer yelled through the door, fumbling with the other pant leg. He nearly toppled over as he yanked up the stupid pajama pants, getting annoyed with them.

As he was tying them off, he heard a squeal and then a thud. Concern washed over him and he reached for the nearest weapon, which happened to be an empty sprite bottle. He opened the door and jumped out, holding the bottle above his head to strike.

“I am so sorry, I was expecting Spenc-“ She was cut off as Hawke groaned, lowering his arm. He watched as Bethany scrambled off his roommate, who was pressed against the nearest wall.

“Spencer! There you are!” Bethany said, relief clear in her voice.

Fenris still looked speechless as Hawke’s sister pounced forward and hug-tackled Spencer. He stumbled back a few paces from the sheer strength of his baby sister, before giving her a quick squeeze.

She moved back and eyed the sprite bottle in his hand, “What were you going to do, knock me on the head with a bottle? Very threatening, Spence.”

“It was the closest thing to me! If someone was attacking Fenris, I didn’t have much time to run past to grab a knife or something,” Hawke grumbled.

“Ah, so the man I rammed into the wall is your roommate. Once again, I am sooooo sorry!” Bethany said, turning around to give Fenris an apologetic smile.

“It’s alright, I just wasn’t expecting you to jump me,” He replied coolly, running his fingers through his white hair with a small sigh. Hawke lit up, remembering they hadn’t met yet.

“So Fenris, this is my sister Bethany! Bethany, this is my roommate, Fenris!” He introduced them with a big smile.

Bethany reached out and shook his head, “He’s told me a lot about you. I mean, _a lot_.”

“Bethany! Don’t say that!” Hawke covered her mouth with his hand, pulling her back to his chest.

Fenris let out a smirk that made Hawke’s knees weak, “Oh? And what has he been saying?”

Bethany licked Spencer’s hand, who reeled away in disgust. She grinned smugly back at him, before nodding at Fenris, “He said you were unbelievably hot, and he kept gushing about how you two are getting to know each other. He can really sound like a little school girl, you know?” 

“Beth, _PLEASE!_ Stop,” He begged, wiping her spit on her shirt sleeve. He peered over at Fenris, who still had that same damn smirk on his face. God, why did he have such a shitty sister?

She rolled her eyes and looked up at her older brother, “Fine, I didn’t come here to reveal your secrets anyways. I came over because you never told me about your date with Anders!” She accused, poking him in the chest.

“Please tell me you didn’t bring Isabela. I haven’t told her yet either,” Hawke whispered, eyeing the door. As he was looking at the door, he noticed Fenris was still standing in front of them. His fists were clenched at his sides and he looked slightly annoyed. Was he annoyed because he and Bethany were gossiping in the hallway?

“No, I haven’t talked with Izzy for a couple days. I think she went with Varric to Denerim. He’s got a meeting to discuss his new book,” Bethany said, looking up at Spencer with a confused expression.

“Why don’t we go into my room? I’m sure Fenris doesn’t want to hear you gush over the sappy details of the _two_ dates I’ve had with Anders.”

“You went on another date? Oh my god, I want to hear right now, let’s go!” She reached out and took his wrist, practically dragging him towards his room.

“Sorry for bothering you Fenris!” Bethany called once more, before slamming the door shut. She turned to Spencer expectantly, her eyebrows raised in anticipation.

Hawke took his sweet time going over to his bed and situating some pillows for him to lean against. Once he was comfortable, Bethany sat on the edge of the bed beside him. She was fidgeting slightly, her eyes darting to his face every few seconds.

“What do you want to know?” He drawled, grinning at his baby sister.

“Everything! Spencer, this is the first date you’ve been on in like two years! You have no idea how proud I am that you’ve been on two dates!”

“Trust me, I’m proud of myself,” Hawke joked, slightly puffing out his chest.

“Don’t get cocky now, brother,” She warned, smacking him on the knee. After a few seconds, she turned her excited gaze back to him, “What did you do on your first date? Was it super romantic? Did he kiss you afterwards?”

Spencer watched her list off a few things with an amused expression. He loved his sister, she was so cute sometimes. She had her brown hair tied back in a big bun, and Spencer felt the urge to pluck at it.

“Spencer, are you listening? Answer my questions before I die of anticipation!”

“Oh sorry!” He grinned at her, before letting out a sigh, “We went to dinner on our first date, I sent you a picture of the menu, remember? I thought it was kind of romantic, though you are talking about me,” He paused as Bethany snorted, “And we did kiss afterwards, and it was really nice.”

Bethany leaned towards Hawke, her brown eyes shining, “Just nice? Did you make-out?”

“Bethany, I’m your brother! Do you really want to hear about what I do with my- my date?” He fumbled with the correct word, noticing how the word ‘boyfriend’ got stuck in his throat.

Bethany definitely noticed his loss for words, and she narrowed her eyes, “Is it not official yet? I would’ve thought you already asked to be his boyfriend!”

Spencer frowned and blushed, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. He cleared his throat, “I’m different from who I was two years ago. I don’t think I want to rush this one, Beth,” He confided, shifting his stare down to his toes.

“Holy fuck, Spencer,” She breathed, “You actually sound serious. What happened to my brother who dated men like he was eating candy?”

Hawke looked up at her sharply, “That’s not me anymore, Beth. I was…you know that wasn’t a good time in my life.”

She gave him a sincerely apologetic look, before changing the topic, “What about the second date? What did you do?”

He smiled fondly as he thought about the second date, “We went to the movies, and then I took him to that little deli over by your college.”

“And?”

“And it went really well! He loved the deli, though we both thought the movie was a bit cheesy. I also might have tripped and threw a whole tub of popcorn at an old lady,” Hawke said the last part sheepishly.

“You did not!”

“Anders said it was cute! I did scare the daylights out of that poor lady though,” Spencer chuckled.

“If he thinks your clumsiness is cute, then you two are a match made in heaven,” Bethany grumbled, shaking her head. “Did you kiss again?”

Spencer snickered, “Yes, we did. We made-out, Beth. I stuck my tongue down his throat and-“

“Ok, _OK_! I’m sorry I asked, I’m remembering now that you’re my brother!” She gave him a disgusted look.

Spencer reached out and smoothed down her hair fondly, before she moved her head away from his hand.

“When do I get to meet him? You haven’t sent any pictures of him or told me what he looks like!” She swatted at his hand that tried to pull her hair out of its bun.

“I don’t have any pictures of him, Beth. And I think it’s a bit early to be meeting my family,” He poked at her side, earning a giggle.

“At least describe him to me! If this is going to be serious, I need some kind of mental image,” She said seriously.

“Alright, alright. He’s got strawberry blonde hair that he always keeps in a ponytail. His eyes are like the color of whiskey, a warm brown color that demands you look at them. He’s got the most wonderful lips, they have been kind of chapped when I’ve kissed them, but they are plump and they taste good-“

“Stop! I don’t need to know about the taste of his lips! I’ve got a slight mental image of what he could possibly look like!” She declared.

Spencer wiggled his eyebrows towards his sister, who gagged in response. Finally, she let out a big smile and reached out, taking her brother’s hand.

“I’m so happy for you, Spencer. After all that’s happen to us, to you, you deserve to be happy,” She took a deep breath, “Do you think this could turn into a serious relationship though, brother?”

Hawke stared into her eyes for a moment, “I was happy, Bethany. I still am happy. I got to raise two wonderful rugrats who turned into amazing adults. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life.”

“You’re avoiding my question,” She hummed.

Hawke gave her a look, “I don’t know what is going to happen, Bethany. I thought both dates went really well, but I have no idea what he thought.”

“Let me ask you a different question. Do you _want_ to be in a serious relationship with this man?” She questioned, squeezing his hand.

Hawke held her gaze for a moment longer, before looking down and nodding, “I think I do. I want to be his boyfriend and I want to go out again with him.”

Bethany squealed, nearly scaring Hawke half to death. She lunged forward and enveloped her big brother in a hug. Spencer struggled in her grip, before returning the embrace, patting her on the back awkwardly.

“Yeah, yeah, your brother is thinking about the future and serious relationship stuff. Whatever,” He muttered into her shoulder. Bethany held onto him for a few moments longer, before getting off the bed and staring down at him with a huge smile. 

“I’ll walk you to the door, I’m tired as hell, Beth,” He said after a moment, hoisting himself off the bed. As he opened the door and let her walk out into the hallway, he heard a few knocks at the front door.

“I wonder if those girl scouts are finally here to give me my cookies?” Hawke mumbled thoughtfully, to which Bethany shook her head.

“Those girls probably discarded your order after Havoc nearly mauled them,” Fenris teased from the kitchen. Spencer peeked in, and could see he was cooking something in the microwave. It looked inedible from where Hawke stood.

Spencer approached the door and looked through the peep hole. Once he saw who it was, his heart dropped out of his ass and he reeled back, bumping into Bethany. 

“What’s wrong, who is it?” Bethany inquired, moving in front of him and opening the door.

“No!” Hawke quickly swallowed the rest of what he was going to say the door opened to show Anders.

“Did I come at a bad time?” Anders asked with a weak smile.

“Ah, no, I was just showing my sister out,” Hawke explained quickly, a goofy grin coming to his lips.

“Is this him?” Bethany was grinning like a fool and Hawke let out a small groan.

“Don’t you have a class soon? I don’t want to keep you here,” Spencer grabbed his sister’s arm and pushed her forward slightly.

But she wasn’t going to budge. She did move towards Anders though, squinting her eyes as she looked him over. After an uncomfortable moment, she nodded thoughtfully.

“You’re right, his lips are pretty nice looking,” She teased her brother, who started blushing furiously.

“I hate you, say goodbye to Fenris and hit the road,” Hawke jabbed his thumb towards the door with an irritated expression.

“Bye Fenris, it was nice meeting you briefly!” She called, before she scooted past Anders and left.

Spencer turned to Anders with a slightly horrified expression, “I wasn’t talking about your lips with my sister, I swear.”

He thought Anders would poke a little fun at him, but he only gave a slightly pained smile. Hawke tilted his head and moved forward a little, lightly placing his hands on Anders’ arms. The man in front of him flinched and wouldn’t meet Spencer’s gaze, shying away.

“Can we walk for a minute? I really do need to discuss something with you,” He shook off Hawke’s hands and turned, taking a few steps out and then glancing back at him. Spencer slipped on his boots and a short-sleeved t-shirt. He didn’t bother to shrug on a jacket. Anders noticed and his eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t say anything.

They left the apartment and they walked down the sidewalk. Most people were at work now, only a few people bustled by, probably on a quick lunch break. Spencer shivered as the cold air hit his skin, sneaking a peek over at Anders. Maybe this was a good time to ask him about being his boyfriend?

“I wanted to ask you about something as well, but you can go first,” Hawke said, a fond smile coming to his face as he looked over at Anders.

His cheeks were rosy as usual, and he had a beanie over his head, which was grey. Spencer could see a little bump where Anders’ ponytail was, and it made him look even cuter. He was bundled up in a black coat and he was wearing grey sweatpants, which Hawke had never seen on him. He was so used to seeing him in scrubs or sometimes business attire if he had meetings all day. He mentally kicked himself, of course Anders doesn’t wear scrubs and suits all day, he’s just like Hawke.

Anders stopped in his tracks, and Spencer followed suit, looking over at him with a confused expression. He took in a deep breath and then let it out, white fog puffing out of his lips. Oh, how Hawke wanted to place his lips on top of his right this instant.

“What is it? You know you can tell me anything,” He prompted Anders, giving him a reassuring smile.

That seemed to break the man next to him a little, his blank face crumbling into a series of emotions. Spencer caught anger, despair, relief? But it was gone within an instant, replaced with the same pained expression he made earlier, his lips pursed and his amber eyes looking anywhere but Hawke’s face.

“I don’t think I want to go out anymore,” He finally mumbled. For a second, Spencer thought he heard wrong. But he replayed the words a couple times in his head, and his eyes widened.

“Oh, I…um…is it because I threw popcorn all over that old woman? Because I swear I wasn’t aiming for her, she just happened to be in the way,” He explained quickly, trying to reach for Anders’ hands.

Anders snapped his hands away before he could even make contact, and a look of hurt passed Hawke’s face. He retracted his hands and dropped them to his sides.

“Of course it’s not that, Spen-Hawke. Maker, you’re making this ten times harder than it has to be,” He growled, rubbing his temples.

Spencer went silent, not really sure what he could say. He wasn’t prepared for this, Andraste’s tits, they had only been on two dates! Was he really that bad?

“D-did I do something? You have to tell me, maybe we can fix this, I don’t know,” He ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.

Anders’ face softened slightly, and his hand twitched, but he made no move to comfort a distressed Spencer. 

“You did nothing wrong, trust me. This is my fault, I shouldn’t have led you on,” He didn’t elaborate, and it frustrated Hawke.

“Why can’t you give me an explanation?! You can’t just come to my apartment out of the blue and tell me both dates we went on meant nothing,” He remarked coldly, his face twisting up into a glare.

“You wouldn’t understand, Hawke. I see no need to explain my motives. I’m not interested in you, end of story,” Anders became hostile, his eyes hardening, “I don’t know why you’re getting so upset over this, we’ve had two dates.”

“So what, you’re just going to break-up with me and we both forget this ever happened?” Hawke snarled. Tears blurred his vision, but he swallowed them back.

Anders turned on his heel, “I can’t break-up with someone I was never in a relationship with,” He replied coolly over his shoulder, before walking off.

Anger and sadness welled up in Hawke, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to do, if he should be feeling this way. The old Hawke would have brushed off the little encounter and went to find a new, better man. The new Hawke felt crushed, and he wanted to run after Anders. He wanted to scream at him, shaking him by the shoulders, question if he felt anything for Hawke. But that was stupid, wasn’t it? They had only been on two dates, and Anders even reminded him of this. There was no reason to be upset, was there? He was just another man.

A stone settled in Spencer’s stomach that he couldn’t shake off as he trudged back to the apartment. He entered his little home, greeted by Havoc, who almost knocked him over. He snapped at her and she instantly backed off, whining. He didn’t care, he just wanted to sleep like he originally planned to do before shit hit the god-damn fan.

He wasn’t sure where Fenris was, nor did he really want to talk to him. Spencer shedded his shirt and went into his bedroom, shutting his door with his heel. He fell face first into the bed, burying his head in the pillow. _Just let me sleep for a really long time, I don’t want to wake up for at least three days._

Trying to clear his head, he went into a restless sleep.

He slept the afternoon and night away, only waking up in the morning when he saw the kitchen lights under his door flick on. Spencer groggily sat up, scratching at his head, he stood up on wobbly legs. He had an ok sleep, he wished he wasn’t still thinking about Anders.

He traveled out into the living area, peeking into the kitchen. Fenris was hunching over the old coffee maker, pressing at the buttons with furrowed brows. He looked slightly annoyed with the contraption, and it lightened Spencer’s mood slightly.

“Do you need help making coffee, Fenris?” He spoke up, his voice husky and rumbly from sleeping. Fenris tensed up and glanced back at him curiously, nodding slightly.

Hawke entered the kitchen, Fenris scooting over so he could work with the dinosaur of a coffee maker. He had ‘inherited’ this thing from his sister, and he regretted almost every day. He slapped his hand against the top, before clicking a couple of buttons.

“You slept for a long time,” Fenris pointed out, no teasing in his voice, just stating a fact. Hawke ducked his head a little and focused on the coffee machine.

“Yeah well, I had a spat with Anders. It’s whatever,” He grumbled, not really wishing to discuss it with his roommate.

“Did he upset you?” Fenris inquired with a tense, almost protective kind of voice.

Spencer’s cerulean eyes flickered towards Fenris’ face, before looking back at the machine in front of him.

“If I said yes, would you go find him and kick his ass? Because I know where he works, just FYI,” He joked half-heartedly, his voice sounded miserable though.

Fenris snorted, “I don’t think he would appreciate his employee sending his roommate to beat him up.”

The coffee machine finally let out a low hum and started dripping coffee into the pot. Hawke puffed out his chest proudly, before backing up so Fenris could get coffee.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what was your argument about?” He asked Spencer, his face turned away from his gaze.

Spencer really didn’t want to discuss his love-life issues with his roommate this early in the morning, but it was probably better he got it off his chest before it overwhelmed him and he had a breakdown.

“It was stupid. He told me he didn’t want to go out with me anymore, but he wouldn’t give me a reason! And then we both got angry, and I think I was basically broken-up with,” Spencer explains, letting out his breath. It didn’t really feel better talking about it, he still felt torn-up inside and out.

Hawke noticed Fenris’ fist clenched on the counter, before staring at the back of his head. Was Fenris upset now? He did seem annoyed yesterday when he and Bethany were talking about Anders as well. Did he not like Anders? He couldn’t blame him honestly. As he thought that, his brain chastised him.

“That’s ridiculous, that man couldn’t see a good thing if it smacked him right on the cheek,” Fenris seethed, pouring coffee into a mug that said _The Haberdashery_ on it. Where the hell did he get that?

“Well, depends on which cheeks it’s smacking him on,” Spencer responded cheekily, earning a glare over Fenris’ shoulder.

“He doesn’t deserve someone like you, Hawke. You’re a wonderful man as far as I can tell. I wouldn’t treat you like that,” He trailed off as Spencer’s eyes widened, his mouth agape. After a moment, Fenris gave him a weird look, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Spencer felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders, and he wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. Maybe he was just going crazy, but was Fenris basically saying he would date Hawke? With his emotions so burnt out, he wasn’t exactly sure what to feel, but it left a warm feeling in his chest. Screw Anders.

He was sipping at his coffee when Spencer wiggled his eyebrows and said, “Are you trying to seduce me? Because it’s working.”

Fenris choked, almost spitting out his coffee. He promptly set his hot drink down and scowled over at Hawke, his whole face red. He looked adorable, Hawke had to admit. _Not as adorable as Anders_ , his brain whispered, but he pushed the thought aside. It dawned on him though that he could possibly be trying to replace Anders with Fenris, and it left a sickening feeling in his stomach.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t listen to me, I’m kinda running on fumes. I need food,” He babbled, moving away from Fenris.

A hand grabbed his bare arm, making Hawke stop in his tracks. He looked over at Fenris, who was staring him in his eyes, searching for something.

“I know he hurt you, Hawke. But I would never do that, I promise,” He murmured.

“Trust me, I’m not worried about that. I’m worried that-“ He paused, flinching slightly as the thought came back.

“Talk to me,” Fenris urged, moving forward a little so he was in front of Hawke, staring up at him.

“I just don’t want to treat you as rebound, Fenris. I literally just broke off with Anders yesterday. I want to talk about this when I’m rational, had enough food and sleep,” He confessed, moving his gaze to anywhere but Fenris’ face, settling them on the dirty bowl in the sink instead.

“I’m not trying to force you into anything, Hawke. It wasn’t my intention to bring this up now. My feelings get muddled and I’m not really sure what I’m feeling for you. It’s a warm, weird feeling that leaves me breathless just looking at you,” He disclosed, his eyes making Hawke’s face feel hot.

What could he say to that? 

“I don’t know, maybe we can come back to this? When I’m mentally prepared? My brain is short-circuiting right now,” Spencer finally glanced back at Fenris.

“If that’s what you want,” Fenris said, backing up and picking up his coffee, turning away from Hawke.

"I'm sorry Fenris, I've made things extremely awkward, haven't I? It seems that's my natural talent," He quipped.

"Hardly," He responded, earning a chuckle from Hawke.

This was ok, Spencer was going to be ok. Anders was just another speed bump on the road. This isn't going to bother him.


	7. It's ok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Hawke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are mentions of depression, alcoholism, and dissociation! If that bothers you, you can skip this chapter. I'll recap next chapter!

### Chapter Seven:

This was going to bother him. Hawke was now lying in bed, contemplating if he should go to work or not. He had already called out sick yesterday, where he proceeded to eat all the sweets in the house and watch Supernatural all day. If that didn’t scream pathetic and unhealthy, Spencer wasn’t sure what else would.

He didn’t want to see Anders, he didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to wallow in his self-pity till he eventually drowned in it. It had only been two days since he last saw Anders, and he honestly felt worse than the first day. When was the awful feeling weighing down his shoulders going to dissipate? He wanted to feel nothing and move on with his life, act like Anders was another bump in the road, but he just _couldn’t_.

There was a couple knocks at his door, and he groaned in response, rolling over to face away from the door. There was a moment of hesitation, before the door cracked open, spilling yellow light over Spencer’s figure lying in bed. 

“You need to go to work, Hawke. I can’t pay for the apartment by myself,” Fenris’ gentle voice echoed in his cold room.

Spencer shifted and glanced over his shoulder, seeing that Fenris was in pajamas and looked like he was about to go to sleep. Hawke let out a heavy sigh and then sat up, glaring over at Fenris, “You’re right. Maker, why do you have to be right?”

“Maybe I have magical abilities,” Fenris joked. Once Hawke was on his feet, Fenris nodded in satisfaction and shut the door, probably to go to bed after his late-night shift. Spencer had a whole shift to go, and he was not looking forward to it. The claws of a well-known monster threatened to drag him through the mud, but he wasn’t going to let it. Not again. He lost his brother’s trust because of it.

With a stretch and a butt scratch, Hawke prepared to go to work, putting on his clothes and then heading out into the living room to put on his winter attire. As he passed the dining room table, something bright caught his eye. He glanced at the red scarf cluttered under all the other jackets hanging on the chair. He moved away from it quickly, putting on his coat and boots.

“I’ll see you when you get home, Hawke,” Fenris was in the kitchen making ramen, and he poked his head out as Spencer was heading to the door. He gave Fenris a weak smile, before opening the door and leaving. As soon as he went outside, his smile disappeared and he headed to work in silence.

The outside air was cold as usual, and Hawke was honestly surprised it was only the second week of November. Kirkwall was usually of the warmer climates. Having snow before December was a rarity around these parts, and Spencer really didn’t like it. Winter was his least favorite season, though he guessed sometimes he could prefer it over summer in some occasions.

He entered the hospital a couple of minutes later, savoring the warmth of the lower levels of the hospital, before taking the elevator up to the fourth floor where it was basically the same degrees as outside. He trudged over to the break room and clocked in, before going to his position at the front desk. Merrill was already sitting down, chatting with a visitor, and having the lady fill out some paper work.

He scooted past her chair and sat down with a thump, signing into his computer. He let out a small sigh. This was just not going to be his day. He could already see the paperwork left by his replacement, and it was a whole crap load. Did she even do anything yesterday, or did she sit here and gossip with Merrill all day? He clenched his fist and took the stack, beginning to straighten them out and prepare to type up the records.

“Are you all right, Spencer?” Merrill’s tiny hand gently pressed against his forearm. Spencer flinched slightly and turned to look at Merrill with a blank look. He wasn’t going to give anything away. These were his problems and he would not drag anyone into this. Well, except for Fenris. Dammit.

“What do you mean?” He questioned, furrowing his eyebrows like he was super confused. He turned to his papers, shuffling them in his hands a couple of times, before looking back at her.

Merrill puckered her lips and looked down and to the left, before back at him, “Well, I thought Varric said you and Anders broke up, but maybe I’m mistaken.”

“Varric…said what?!” Hawke growled, lowering his face like someone would hear them. 

“Oh! Uh, well. Oh Anders, do you have any paperwork for us?!” Merrill cheerily called to Anders, who was casually walking to the front. Hawke sniffed and frowned at Anders, a little more of his reserve cracking at how nonchalant Anders seemed. Spencer clenched both fists and hid them under the desk, before quickly moving his gaze to something on the desk. Why did he feel so angry and almost… desperate?

“Not particularly, why? Do you need more work to do, Merrill?” Anders teased, a chuckle escaping his lips.

“Oh no, I thought maybe you were coming up here to give us more paper work!” She said quickly, getting flustered. She patted Hawke’s hand, “We don’t need any more work, do we, Spencer?”

Spencer snapped his head up, glancing over at Merrill, before his eyes settled on Anders. He didn’t know what kind of look he had on his face, but it instantly turned Anders’ easy-going smile into a deep frown with a little cringe.

“No, doctor, we don’t,” He said in a cold tone, blinking slowly at Anders.

Merrill looked between them, before clearing her throat and typing furiously on her computer. Anders heard his name being paged, so he broke out into a strained smile, directing it towards Merrill, “If I find any more paper work, I’ll bring it to you and Spe-Mr. Hawke,” He said, before hustling to the back. Hawke kept his eyes on his boss the whole way, before turning back to his computer, unclenching his fists to relax as best he could.

“This is awful, I don’t think I can do this,” Hawke whimpered after Anders was gone, pressing his palms to his eyes so he wouldn’t end up a sobbing mess on the floor. He felt a warm hand rub his back, and he looked over at Merrill.

“I know it hurts now, Spencer, but maybe this can be fixed, right? You should talk to him, work out what’s wrong. Maybe if you understood why he wanted to break it off, you can become friends again,” Merrill proposed soothingly.

Spencer wanted to scream at her, tell her he didn’t want to be friends with that bastard. Being friends with him meant that he would probably be nothing more to Anders, and he would have to stand by idly while Anders moved on from their relationship. He honestly didn’t want to see Anders with someone else, he didn’t think he had it in him. And that confused and terrified him.

“Yeah, maybe I should talk with him today, maybe it will bring me peace,” Hawke mumbled, scratching at the back of his head. A small sigh escaped his lips.

“Get your work done first though,” Merrill urged with a sweet smile. Spencer only had another seven hours to go. He was not going to survive this at all.

His shift included numerous visits to the break-room to calm his nerves, and avoiding eye contact with Anders every time he came up front to do something. At one point, when Hawke actually looked up, it looked like Anders wanted to say something, but instead hurried off without a word.

“I don’t want to look at the clock, Merrill. What time is it?” Hawke groaned and planted his forehead against the cool desk, letting out a tiny shiver.

“Fifteen more minutes, Spencer. I believe in you,” Merrill shuffled a few papers together. After a couple moments of silence, she cleared her throat and pushed the reports towards him casually, “Do you mind taking these to Dr. Anders office? I still have a few more papers to sort out.”

She wasn’t looking at him as he picked up the papers, but it he could definitely tell she was smiling. Spencer chuckled at her endearing way of telling him to go talk to Anders. He patted her shoulder and stood up, “I think I can do that for you.”

With that, he left the desk and headed towards the back, becoming more fearful and distressed as he neared Anders’ office. What was he even going to say? What did he want to say? Maker’s breath, he just wanted to scream and cry, but how to put that into actual coherent words was hard.

He reached the office and knocked on the closed door a couple time, hearing an immediate ‘come in’ from within. Hawke twisted the doorknob and swung open the door. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was literally just Anders sitting at his desk. It looked like he was reading some papers, his hair tied up expertly in a high ponytail, but some stray pieces of hair hung loosely around his face. Spencer swallowed hard as Anders looked up, squinting his eyes as he took in Hawke’s form. Hawke couldn’t force his legs to move, couldn’t force his brain to function. This was worse than when he was scared to flirt with the doctor. Now all he felt was the crushing force of everything that had happened.

“You have reports for me, I assume?” Anders questioned, clearing his throat. His eyebrows were arched and his head was slightly tilted. Spencer nodded and hustled in, beginning to file the reports in the correct file cabinets, his hands shaking horribly.

This was bad, Spencer was bad. How many times was in going to go over this in his head? He had thought a lot about what happened, looked up a lot of things on the internet, asked his sister. Should he be feeling this crippled about a person he only knew for a month? He always knew he had issues with affection, but was it so bad that he latched onto the first person he had dated in over two years?

After thinking a few minutes, he turned around, hands clutching at the hem of his shirt. He found his voice as Anders noticed him standing there awkwardly.

“Can we…talk?” Spencer asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“What is there to talk about?” Anders replied dismissively, his eyes moving back done to his papers like he was already done with the subject at hand.

“I just… I thought maybe if I didn’t bother you for a couple days, maybe you would—I don’t know, give me some kind of reason?” He fumbled.

Spencer noticed Anders’ fist clench around the paper he was reading, before he threw it down, his gaze back on Hawke with fire burning in his amber eyes. Hawke shrunk back a tad, but didn’t back down from his question.

“A reason? There were plenty of reasons I broke it off, Mr. Hawke,” His voice was dripping with venom, “Firstly, a relationship between two employees at this hospital could results in both of us being fired, and that’s not something I’m willing to risk. Secondly, both dates we went on were incredibly awkward and boring. I had no fun what-so-ever. Third, and the final pièce de résistance, is that I am not interested in a barely-schooled, gauche, over-sized, clingy man,” He finished his sentence by standing up and glaring up at Spencer, hands on his narrow hips.

And with that, whatever resolve Hawke had held onto before this moment, crumbled. His whole body caved in on itself like he had been punched. His eyes, which were emotionless before, shattered into what someone would call despair. But, he straightened his shoulders immediately, setting his jaw as Anders pointed to the door.

“Please leave my office, I will not discuss this anymore. What’s done is done, Hawke,” He said coolly.

“Don’t call me by my name like you know me, doctor. You don’t deserve to call me anything,” He snapped, “It’s real funny, you know? Taking the poor, exhausted receptionist boy out just because you felt pity for him. I don’t want your pity, I’ve dated more men than you’ve probably known your whole life. I don’t need your bullshit, doctor.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left. He wasn’t sure what Anders had taken from that, but it left Spencer feeling extremely drained and awful. He sounded like that person…the person he was two years ago, and it hurt him mentally. He promised himself that he would never act like that again, but it seemed a lot of the skeletons in his closet were rearing their ugly heads once again. And now he couldn’t escape. Screw Anders, fuck him. Fuck Spencer Hawke.

Spencer clocked out of work, ignoring Merrill as he grabbed his coat and headed out. He needed a stiff drink and some man to fuck. He was tired of being Spencer Hawke, the clumsy sweetheart. And now he had an awful headache. Great. What a fucking disgusting day.

When he got home, the lights were on, and he heard the TV in the living room. Spencer shed his jacket and threw in on the couch as he entered He then proceeded to throw himself on the love-seat and bury his face into the leather. 

“Do we have any alcohol?” He implored Fenris, placing his chin on the arm of his seat. Fenris, who was watching some kind of cooking show, turned his head towards Hawke with his eyebrows raised.

“Alcohol? Why in the world do you need that, pray tell?”

“Anders pretty much just fucking ripped my soul out and stomped on it a couple times. Now I just need to drown my sorrows and maybe blow some dude in a back alley of a bar,” He said, scrubbing at his face with his hand.

“Hawke,” Fenris eyed him, “I understand you’re upset, but that does not mean you need to start a habit that you can’t end.”

“What, blowing a dude or drinking?”

“The alcohol, of course. I know from experience that it is never good mixed with grief or any bad feelings.”

“Oh, trust me, it tastes so much better with a fresh mental wound. They usually go hand-in-hand,” Spencer quipped.

“Is this what you do when you’re upset? You retreat into this mental state of hopelessness and crude jokes?”

“I’m not upset, Fenris. I’ve actually never felt better. My head is so clear now,” He rolled over so he was lying on his back facing the ceiling.

“That is a lie, Hawke, and you know it,” Fenris stated bluntly, his eyes trained on Spencer evenly.

“So, do we have any alcohol, or are you going to make me go out and get it?” Hawke asked, clenching his jaw, and giving Fenris a cold scowl.

Fenris watched him for a couple of moments, his eyes calculating, analyzing him in a way that made Spencer a bit uncomfortable. And then, Fenris was standing up, his footsteps light as he headed into the kitchen. Spencer watched him go with a slightly confused expression, but simply shrugged his shoulders. 

A few minutes later, Fenris is back, and he has a bottle of red wine in one hand and two purple plastic cups in his other. Hawke lets out a snicker at the cups, then happily accepts it as Fenris pours the wine into his cup.

“I never pictured you as a wine person, Fen. Where you been hiding this?” He took a large gulp of the alcohol, which was a bit bitter, but ran down his throat smoothly. He questioned why he ever stopped drinking in the first place.

“It was never hidden, you simply weren’t trying to drink it is all,” Fenris replied calmly, drinking his own a bit more slowly than Hawke was.

“I’m not really much of a wine person, I’m more into beer and whiskey. I even like spiced rum when I’m feeling fancy,” Hawke stated, pouring himself some more of the wine.

“You didn’t seem like a person who liked alcohol, Hawke. What changed?”

“Nothing changed. It’s not hard to keep secrets, Fenris. And trust me, I have pleeeeenty of them,” He drawled with a mischievous grin.

Fenris considered Hawke, his green eyes trained on the man who was chugging the wine, before he took another swig of his own drink. The rest of the night went on like that, except Fenris knew when to stop. Spencer kept drinking until everything was hazy and he felt extremely chatty. While Fenris had only had maybe two cups of wine, Spencer finished off the bottle and was asking for another.

“You know, I thought you were pretty cute when I firs’ met youuuu,” Hawke finally managed to say something that peaked his companion’s interest. 

Fenris eyed him, “Really? I had no idea.” He responded with a cool, sarcastic tone that flew right over drunk Hawke’s head.

“Yeah, I always had a little bit of a crush on ya,” Hawke stumbled over his words slightly, but corrected himself with a triumphant look.

“Is that so.”

“Yeah, look, I don’t know why you’re being so nonchalant about dis. If I need to put it in more-“ He paused to think of the word to use, “blatant words, then I will,” Hawke gave Fenris a smirk, “I want to fuck you.”

“Yes Hawke, I know. The first day we met, you said you’d have wet dreams about me. I assumed that meant you wanted to have sex with me,” Fenris had an exasperated voice that Hawke didn’t seem to hear.

“Then, why can’t we? I’m single and ready to-to fuck,” He slurred, splaying his limbs out on the love-seat in what he thought was a seductive pose.

“Because you’re drunk, Hawke. And you told me to wait till you were rational to talk about furthering our relationship. And you are most definitely not rational at the moment,” Fenris told him.

“I’m… very rational, look, I’ll prove it,” He looked around and his eyes settled on a bright red ribbon tied in a neat bow around the empty bottle of red wine. He reached over with shaky hands and untied it. With a flourish, he handed it to Fenris, “Here. Dis is a token, to mark the start of our relationship. I want to go out wif you, Fenris.”

Fenris, startled, stared down at the red ribbon with wide eyes, before looking back up at Hawke’s face, “I’ve—never had anyone give me…anything like this,” He paused, “Especially someone drunk off their ass.”

“Well here, you put it on your wrist, Fen.” With gentle hands, Spencer fumbled, almost dropping the ribbon a few times, he managed to put the silky ribbon onto Fenris’ wrist.

“I… thank you, Hawke.” Fenris rubbed the red ribbon on his wrist, before glancing up at Spencer’s face with a small smile.

“But you know who is a real douche-bag, Fenris? Jus’ take a guessssss.”

Fenris didn’t answer, so Hawke went on without incentive, his mind muddled with different thoughts that he couldn’t decipher.

“Anders. He told me how awful I was today, preeeeeetty much ripped out my heart. I really felt like crying, Maker. He’s a real dick, ya know dat?” He pressed one of his hands up to his heart, only frowning for a moment. His drunken smile was back within moments though, the buzzing feeling throughout his body making him feel giddy and feathery light.

Hawke didn’t notice the way Fenris clenched his jaw or dug his fingernails into his palm, only hearing what the man hissed, “Well one day, someone is going to treat him exactly like that, and then he won’t be so quick to spout out crap. It sounds like he never really liked you.”

“But I don’t think I could hate him, Fen. I think I’m in love with him,” Spencer babbled, not really understanding what he was saying. He stood up to go search the cabinet for more alcohol. Now Spencer Hawke was already a very clumsy person, so being drunk really didn’t help matters in the least. First step he took was perfectly fine, but then his vision became a bit fuzzy, and the next thing he felt was two warm hands stopping him from falling into the coffee table.

Spencer focused his eyes on the figure in front of him, before he reached up and took Fenris’ face in his big hands. Fenris scowled up at Hawke, “You need to be more careful, I don’t know how such a large man could be so clumsy.” His cheeks were slowly burning red.

Hawke ran his thumb across Fenris’ cheekbone with a small smile, “Would it be too cheesy for me to say it was because I was blinded by yer good looks?”

“Yes,” Fenris answered flatly, his body stiffening up, “I think it’s time for you to head to bed, Hawke.”

“Call me Spencer.”

“I- what?”

“Spencer Hawke. Dat’s my name,” Spencer nodded as he stared into Fenris’ green eyes. 

Fenris hesitated, and for some unknown reason to them both, Hawke surged forward and locked lips with Fenris. The kiss was awkward and smelled like alcohol, and Fenris was as stiff as a board before even being kissed. And without warning, Hawke was shoved back with an extreme amount of force. He stumbled, hitting the wall as he gaped at Fenris. In one swift movement, an unhappy Fenris clocked him right in the cheek.

Needless to say, Hawke went down like a ton of bricks. His head snapped back and left a decent sized hole in the plaster, and then Spencer slid down the wall in a heap. Fenris felt pain shoot up his hand, and he looked down at his bruised and split knuckles with a curse. He just punched his roommate, and more specifically, the person he wanted to date. Fenris groaned and went closer to Hawke.

“Hawke- Spencer, are you all right?”

The man didn’t make a peep, so Fenris sighed and reached down, hauling the heavy man to his limp feet. It would be a lot easier if Fenris had help, but since it was his fault Spencer was knocked out in the first place, it was at least polite to put him in bed. He practically threw Spencer onto the bed, repositioning him into a comfortable position and then surveying the damage.

Hawke’s cheek was already swelling, and the tinge of red was turning a light purple. Fenris also could feel the stinging pain of his split knuckles. He acted so irrationally, Maker. Fenris ran his fingers through his hair and traveled into the kitchen. He needed to get an ice pack for Hawke and bandages for himself. But he could wait. He grabbed the floppy cloth-like ice pack that had been sitting in the freezer forever, and then went back to Spencer.

He was in the exactly same position Fenris left him, thank Andraste. Fenris laid the ice-pack onto Hawke’s cheek, making sure it was secure on his face. Hopefully Hawke didn’t move around too much while he slept. Fenris watched him for a couple of moments, before he reached out tentatively. He brushed his fingers across Spencer’s temple, and then ran his hand through his coarse dark brown hair. It was surprisingly soft, but not too much.

Spencer shifted, the ice pack jiggling precariously on his face before settling. Fenris retracted his hand like he’d been stung, remembering what Spencer had said earlier.

_“I think I’m in love with him.”_

Fenris clenched his fist, shaking his head, _Anders doesn’t love him, he used him. I can care for Hawke better than him. I know I can._

And with that, Fenris left Hawke’s room to head to bed, needing all the rest he could get.

In the morning, the sunshine crept into Hawke’s room through the blind, stretching yellow stripes across his queen-sized bed. Hawke was acutely aware of the throbbing in his cheek, but he really didn’t want to open his eyes to face the morning. He had a horrible headache and….

He snapped open his eyes and the first thing he saw was blue. He reached up and pulled off his athletic ice pack from his face, sitting up as he stared down at it. Horrible, reeling guilt racked his body and he wanted to curl up and die.

He could still taste the alcohol on his mouth, and it made him sick. With what Anders had said… something so simple to others, seemed to have triggered one Hawke’s extreme defense mechanisms. He had had a mild case of dissociation. How could he be so stupid? He couldn’t even remember anything from last night. 

Spencer grabbed his pillow and pressed it to his face, before he started to cry. Sobs racked his body, and his cheek ached from the pressure he had on his face. He didn’t want to move from his bed, but he knew he had to work today, and he couldn’t skip another day. Once his cries died down into whimpers, he smeared his tears and snot onto his pillow and got up.

He opened his door and went out into the living room. Fenris was sitting on the couch, lazily sprawled across half of it as he watched tv with a plate of bacon. The hand that had a strip of bacon in it was bandaged up, Hawke noticed. Spencer shifted and wondered if maybe he should avoid Fenris. He probably did something to him that gave him this injury on his face.

Fenris noticed him immediately, and he sat up, his eyes wide as he looked up at Hawke’s face.

“We should…talk,” Spencer said quietly, shuffling over to sit on the couch beside Fenris. He hunched over himself and kept his hands in his lap, looking down at them.

“May I say something first?” Fenris questioned.

“Yes, please, speak your mind.”

“Well, I, wanted to apologize. What happened, last night. Was all my fault. I shouldn’t have brought out my alcohol when I suspected you were…hurting. And then… I hit you, punched you right in the cheek. I’m very sorry, Hawke. This won’t happen again.”

Spencer tilted his head and stared at Fenris with a shocked expression, “You’re apologizing? Fenris, you can’t be serious. This is my fault. I should have… told you, before you moved in, my history.”

“That’s not necessary-“

“Yes, it is. It will also make me feel better if I get it off my chest,” Hawke said, his eyes pleading.

Fenris looked him in the eyes, before nodding slightly. Spencer sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“First off, whatever I did last night, I’m sorry. I probably deserved being punched in the face, Maker knows how many times I was punched and slapped when I was younger. And I know that you really don’t have to listen to me talk about myself, hell, I’d rather not tell you. But, at the same time, I could get worse, and you at least have the right to know why I acted like this.”

Fenris watched him silently, his face as blank as a page. Spencer let out his breath and trudged on.

“So, you know my father died. Well, afterwards, my mom got sick. So sick she couldn’t take care of herself, much less my siblings. So, I had to drop out of high school and take care of my brother and sister. She, uh—died soon after, and I had to raise the twins myself. It was too much, for me, for my brother and sister. I became depressed, and uh… an alcoholic.” He swallowed hard, clenching his fists on his knees, “And something happened during that time,” His voice cracked, “it, uh, cleared the haze from my mind, I guess you could say. I realized how bad I was, how much I was drinking. That’s when I reached out for help.

I was a bad person, Fenris. I drank a lot, partied too hard. I fucked whoever I wanted without thought. I had three jobs, but I was barely scraping by with two siblings. I barely paid attention to my family, I lost so many years with them, years I won’t get back. And then…” His voice became thick and tears trickled down his face, “I lost Carver, my brother. He won’t speak to me anymore, because of something terrible I did. I can never get him back.

And now, I thought I was ok. I thought I could start dating again and it would be wonderful. I could have a normal relationship with some guy who didn’t want to fuck me in a bathroom stall then leave,” He clenched a fistful of his hair in his hand, “But it was too much, and when Anders told me all those awful things, I guess my mind kind of caved in on itself. It was easier for it to recede into an old personality than face reality. I became a person that I don’t want to be, and then I let you see that side of me, Fenris. I’m so so sorry. I understand if you want to move out, I know I’m a fucked-up guy, really,” Hawke laughed bitterly.

Spencer quickly dabbed at his eyes, realizing he was crying, before glancing up at Fenris. He wasn’t sure what Fenris was thinking, if he was trying to figure out the best time to get all his stuff and leave. He moved his eyes back down to his hands, his frown deep-set.

On the list of things he was expecting, what happened next was not one of them. He felt something warm press against his back, and then he was shoved down with a gentle force. Surprised, he fell into the couch, his unhurt cheek hitting Fenris’ knee with a thud. He turned his head slightly to look up at his roommate with a questioning stare.

“I’ve been told that this is a comfortable position,” Fenris said simply, reaching his hand down and running his fingers through Hawke’s hair softly.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, but didn’t move from the actually quite comforting position. He had so many questions, but the only thing he felt at the moment was relief. Relief that Fenris didn’t turn away from him, that he could talk to him about this without him freaking out and asking too many questions. Few people were like Fenris.

“So, is this your way of telling me that you’re not moving out?” Spencer asked, curling up against Fenris’ leg.

“This is my way of telling you that it’s ok, Spencer. There’s nothing to apologize for, you are human,” Fenris stated, carding his fingers through Hawke’s hair at an even pace.

Shock filled Spencer’s body, and he laid there silently. No one had ever really told him that besides his therapist, and he was paid to say that. Spencer almost felt like a weight on his heart was lifted, and he could breathe air again. And not the muggy, acidic city air, but fresh, crisp air from out in the rural areas of Kirkwall, the kind that gave you a spring in your step and made you stop for a moment.

Hawke swallowed hard, before he started crying once again, his sobs silent this time. He didn’t know why he was crying, maybe from relief, or maybe because someone accepted him for who he is besides his sister. Third time he’s cried today, boy was he lame.

And Fenris let him cry, his head in his roommate’s lap, dripping tears on the man’s sweatpants. He didn’t remove his hand from Hawke’s hair once, and it soothed Spencer. After a while, it coaxed him to stop crying, and they just sat in silence, the TV was muted.

“Wha-what did I do to you last night?” Spencer finally asked, his voice tiny.

Fenris stilled his hand in Hawke’s hair, clearing his throat, “You, ah, kissed me.”

Spencer’s eyes widened and he almost sat up, but Fenris held him down with his hand, “Don’t worry about it, Hawke. I reacted without thinking. If I had realized… I shouldn’t have punched you. I apologize.” He continued to run his fingers through Spencer’s hair.

“Don’t say that, Fen. I definitely deserved to be punched. I shouldn’t have kissed you without your consent.”

He went silent at that, before he tentatively spoke again, “Do you remember what you said to me last night?”

Hawke furrowed his eyebrows, trying to think back. When he drew a blank, he shook his head, “No, not really. Why, did I say something embarrassing? Am I gonna regret that we live together now? Are you gonna blackmail me?”

“Well, first off, you called me cute. And you told me you wanted to fuck me-“

“Fucking hell.”

“You told me that Anders was a douche-bag. And then you gave me this,” Fenris jerked his head towards the red ribbon that was tied around his wrist.

“I’m so sorry, really, Fenris. You can throw away that ribbon, I’m not sure what I was thinking last night.”

Fenris shook his head, “No!” He yelled, before ducking his head slightly and lowering his voice, “I mean, no, I don’t want to get rid of it.”

“But I probably got it off the ground or something stupid. I don’t want you to keep it because you feel like it would hurt my feelings.”

“I’m not. I want it, ok?” Fenris snapped.

Hawke couldn’t help but smile at Fenris’ attitude. He wanted to keep something Hawke gave him when he was drunk. It was adorable, it made Spencer feel all warm inside.

He wanted to lay like this forever, just watching the TV and cuddling against Fenris, but his phone buzzed once under his hip. He fished it out from his pocket and looked at the number. Bethany had texted him, but the more important matter was that he was going to be late for work.

“Andraste’s tits! I’m going to be late for work!” Hawke exclaimed, jumping up and startling Fenris.

He was heading towards his room when Fenris called to him softly. He turned around to look at the man.

“Are you ok?” He asked gently. Spencer knew it was a loaded question. He felt a lot better than he had in the past week, but it still kind of hurt. It felt better to talk to Fenris though. 

“Yeah, I’m fine! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get dressed!” He hustled into his bedroom.

Once he was dressed and clean, he went back out into the living room to get his coat and boots. Fenris was still in the same position, but he had on the TV now. His lips quirked as Hawke approached, and his eyes stayed on him as he darted about the room to gather his things.

“Spencer,” He finally said when Hawke was slipping into his boots.

“Yes?”

“Will you go out on a date with me?”

“I… wait, what?” Hawke spluttered, almost hitting his head against his own knee. He turned to Fenris with a bewildered expression.

“Am I not speaking English, Hawke?” Fenris said in an amused tone.

“No, I mean, yes, you are. But…you know I’m a screwed-up individual. Are you sure you want to date me?”

“We all have our baggage, Hawke. But, if you’re willing, I want to try.”

Hawke swallowed hard, looking down at his untied boots, “You’ll have to go easy on me, my last relationship didn’t really end well.” He chuckled darkly, before nodding, “But, yes, I will go out on a date with you.”

For the first time ever, Fenris’ lips curled into a full smile, one that made Hawke short of breath. Blushing brightly, Spencer finished tying his shoes and stood up, putting on his coat and looking at anything but Fenris’ face. His eyes settled on his roommate’s hand instead, the one bandaged up.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Spencer went up to Fenris and crouched down in front of him. He took Fenris’ hand and planted a tender kiss on his bandaged knuckles, giving him as charming as a smile he could muster.

“I’m sorry my face is so muscly that you got split knuckles from punching me,” He joked, standing up.

Fenris watched him silently, his whole face, even his little ears, were red. He bit his lip and watched as Hawke turned and went to the door.

“Have a good day at work, Spencer.”

“Thank you, Fen.” He left for work. 

He walked to work in the freezing cold, noting the dark clouds that were forming over Kirkwall. It was probably going to storm today. Whether it was snow or rain was anyone’s guess. Though Spencer felt much better about everything, he still dreaded going to work and seeing Anders. They left it on such a bad note, and for some idiotic reason, Hawke wanted to apologize.

_Apologize for what? Being the way you are? If anything, he should be apologizing. Don’t let him get you down._

With that in mind, he walked into work with his shoulder straight and his chest puffed out slightly. He went to the fourth floor, only a nurse was in the elevator with him. He didn’t seem happy to be here either. Once there, Hawke clocked in and sat down at the desk with another receptionist. Merrill must have the day off.

He did his job as usual, and he never saw Anders once. It was a relief and nerve-racking at the same time? He asked the receptionist next to him, but he hadn’t see the doctor either. So, Spencer had decided to go file his papers in Anders' office really quick. He had to do it sooner or later anyways. Maybe Anders had a day off?

He went to his office, and stopped short. There was a slip of paper on the door with big blocky letters. He approached and squinted at the paper.

_‘To whom it may concern,_  
_Dr. Anders will no longer be working at the hospital. He resigned this morning. Please turn in all reports to Dr. Marct in room 124._  
_Thanks.’_

Spencer blinked a couple times, before his breath caught in his throat. Anders…resigned? Guilt and fear clawed at his stomach. Was this his fault? Did he chase Anders away? What the hell was going on?


	8. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer doesn't deserve this, really.

### 

Chapter Eight:

It took a week for Hawke to work up the courage to question Fenris when he wanted to go out. Through-out that whole week, his mind was occupied with Anders though. He tried texting him, calling him. He didn’t know where Anders lived, so he couldn’t go seek him out. Nothing worked, Anders phone was apparently cut off at some point, and then Spencer had no way to reach him. He knew it was probably his fault, he pushed Anders so far that he just disappeared off the map. He was being pathetic, and he knew it. But now he worried more for Anders as a friend than as an ex-lover. Who in the world would just disappear like that without talking to anyone. Even Varric didn’t know where he went.

 _“Blondie’s really screwed up, Hawke. I wanted to warn you, but you just went balls deep before I could say anything,”_ Varric had said to him when he visited him at his office. He tried to inquire why Anders was screwed up, but Varric said it wasn’t his private life to tell.

So, Hawke decided it was best just to give up, let him go and look forward to the future. The future that included going out with Fenris. His guilt still clawed at him every time Fenris gave him a small smile, knowing that this was basically treating Fenris as rebound. Even if the person who is said rebound tells Spencer that he isn’t.

Their first date included a very nice lunch at Merrill’s favorite diner, and then a long walk through the park smack dab in the middle of Kirkwall with Havoc. The trees were mostly bare with icicles hanging from their limbs, and Hawke lost his footing at one point and basically tackled Fenris to the ground. When they went back to the apartment, Spencer became fidgety, not sure how he could go about kissing Fenris without making it awkward. He almost didn’t do it, until Fenris gently grabbed his wrist at the door and looked up at him.

“Just kiss me, Spencer,” He ordered him firmly, his lips quirking into a grin.

“Um…ok,” He stuttered, his whole face becoming red. He reached down and gently cupped Fenris’ cheeks, leaning towards him. Fenris hooked his hand around Hawke’s neck and pulled him down with surprising force. Their lips met softly, and Spencer melted into the small kisses easily. After a few pecks, Hawke moved back slightly to grin at Fenris.

“We should do this again,” He mumbled, moving his hands away to pull his keys out of his pocket.

Fenris let his hand roam up Spencer’s head, running his fingers through Hawke’s hair as Spencer tried to unlock the door behind Fenris.

“I would like that very much,” Fenris responded absent-mindedly, focused on his task of messing up Hawke’s hair.

And they did go on a second date, and a third. Spencer was happy with Fenris, he didn’t feel the constant weight of depression threatening to overflow. With him, that seemed only a distant memory. Unfortunately, thoughts of Anders still haunted him no matter how much he wanted them to go away. He just wanted to be happy with Fenris, but his brain wouldn’t let him.

It took all his willpower to ask Fenris if they were boyfriends after the second date, he felt extremely stupid doing it.

“Of course we are, Hawke. Unless you don’t want that?”

 

“Merry Christmas Eve,” Hawke greeted Fenris as he entered the kitchen. Fenris was digging his fist into the coffee machine, a futile attempt at getting it to work. Fenris grunted his greeting, turning his head slightly to allow Spencer to peck him on the temple.

“I think this coffee machine is broken,” Fenris finally grumbled, smacking the top of it angrily. Hawke chuckled and rubbed his boyfriend’s back soothingly.

“I know it is, maybe we’ll get a new one for Christmas,” Spencer cooed, rubbing his beard against the top of his roommate’s head.

“You’re not funny, Spencer. We need a new coffee pot or else I can’t survive,” Fenris stated bluntly, sighing in relief as the appliance whirled to life and began making the coffee.

“I thought my kisses would give you enough energy,” Hawke responded with a smirk.

Fenris turned himself around, flattening his hips against the counter. He raised his eyebrows at Spencer, crossing his arms over his chest.

“If that were true, you would’ve already given me more kisses than you have this morning,” He said in that low, growling voice that Hawke loved.

“I mean, that can be arranged,” Hawke moved in front of Fenris, pressing the smaller man into the counter and putting his hands on either side of him to lock him in place. He could hear his lover’s breath hitch as he lowered his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. And that’s when Anders’ face popped into his mind, and he stiffened up, pulling back to grin sheepishly at Fenris.

“I think your coffee’s ready,” Hawke cleared his throat and released Fenris, scratching the back of his neck and turning away to hide his embarrassment.

“Ah, didn’t you say we were having a party tonight?” Fenris asked after a moment.

“Oh yes! Are you sure you don’t mind? It will just be mostly friends and my sister, of course!” He said, turning back to Fenris.

Fenris sipped at his coffee, eyebrows raised, “Why would I care? You live here too, Spencer.”

Hawke’s cheeks turned slightly rosy and he laughed out of habit, “Ah, you’re right. I think some of them will be here early. I don’t know how early, but-“ He was cut off by a knock at the door. He furrowed his eyebrows as Fenris’ eyes flicked towards the door.

“I’ll get it, I guess?” Spencer said, going over to the door and peeking through the peep hole. With a sigh, he unlocked and swung open the door.

“Bethany, Isabela, you two are waaaay too early. And how did you both get here at the same time? I’m a bit scared,” Hawke said, giving them both pointed looks.

“We drove together, kitten! My car is in the shop,” Isabela drawled with a big mischievous grin.

“I’m not convinced, you’re both planning something, aren’t you?” Hawke questioned, giving his little sister a hug before letting them both in. Bethany had a large plastic bag in her hand and Spencer could see glittery wrapping paper when he glanced down at it.

“Why would we ever conspire against you, my dear brother?” Bethany asked innocently, flipping her shoes off and setting down her bag.

“What are we eating tonight? I hope you’re making your famous scalloped potatoes,” Isabela stated, sniffing the air like he was already cooking.

“I just woke up, Bela,” Spencer responded, scratching at his bare stomach, and stretching.

Isabela poked him in the stomach, shaking her head, “Shame on you, Hawkey! It’s past noon!”

“You can’t tell me you would’ve been sleeping right now if it weren’t Christmas Eve!”

“That’s not true! I would be going to my job!” Isabela went into the living room and plopped down on the couch, “Where’s Fenris? He is coming to the Christmas Party? I want to see his sexy ass.”

Bethany followed Isabela into the living room and peered up at her brother, who was blushing. He hadn’t told either of them about what’s happened recently. How would they feel?

“He’s in the kitchen,” Hawke replied, his voice almost a squeak.

“Oh, kitten’s blushing! What happened while we were gone?”

“Is Anders coming as well?” Bethany questioned, a sparkle in her eyes.

Spencer visibly flinched and looked away from her face. He didn’t say anything, kicking at the ground with his foot and mumbled a ‘no’. It wasn’t long before Hawke felt an arm slide around his waist. He jumped and looked over to spot Fenris smiling up softly at him.

“I think we have a couple of things to talk about,” Hawke said, swallowing hard.

With everyone seated and with coffee, Spencer began his tale of what happened over the past month or so. 

“So that’s why you asked me about lov-“ Hawke quickly shook his head, jerking his head softly towards Fenris.

“Aw, Hawkey. I’m so sorry, Anders did something awful to you. Do you want me to use my contacts to find him so we can egg his car? Or maybe stab him?”

“Your contacts? Stab him? Isabela, I’m honestly so terrified of you right now. I don’t think murdering someone would sit well with our police friend, Aveline. Remember her?”

“Ugh, Aveline always ruin all the illegal fun I could be having!” Isabela groaned, flopping back into the couch.

“Anyways!” Bethany cleared her throat, reaching over to take Spencer’s hands in hers, “I’m sorry, Spencer. I know how hard it was for you to get back into the dating world.”

“It’s ok, really. I’m fine now!” He exclaimed, bashfully looking over at Fenris who was sipping at his coffee silently next to him.

Isabela caught his gaze, and her whole face lit up, “Don’t tell me!”

Fenris raised his eyebrows, before setting down his coffee, “What are you talking about?”

“You two started dating, didn’t you?” Isabela wiggled her eyebrows, a wicked grin on her face.

Fenris scoffed, and Hawke almost thought he was going to say no and brush it off, but instead he took a hold of Spencer’s hand and nodded, “Of course we are, it isn’t hard to see.”

Isabela reached over and slapped Hawke’s knee as hard as possible, earning a yelp from the man, “I hate you so much! I was going to make a move on him and you stole him right from under my nose!”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything! Fenris asked me out!” Hawke exclaimed, his cheeks turning red.

“Mhm, right, but you said yes, I assume?” Bethany inquired, resting her chin in her hand with a knowing smile.

“Well no shit, I did,” Hawke responded, sticking out his tongue at her.

“I’m so glad that you found someone else, Spencer. You really do deserve it,” Bethany told her brother with her sisterly demeanor.

“Thanks, Beth,” He patted her knee and sat back next to Fenris, squeezing his hand in his. Fenris gave him a small grin.

The rest of the day was spent with Bethany complaining they didn’t have any decorations up, including a tree. She helped them get up the artificial tree that Hawke had in storage from their mother, hanging glass ornaments and lights all over the tree as best as possible. Spencer also had to make dinner, which included finger food and his world-famous honey ham. 

Everyone started arriving later in the evening, and Hawke was happy to see all of them. He hadn’t gotten to spend much time with them since his dating excursion.

“Happy Christmas Eve, Hawke. I brought along some good wine for Fenris, hope you don’t mind!” Varric exclaimed as he came in, waving around a bottle of red wine Hawke had never seen before.

“It doesn’t matter to me. Fenris loves wine,” Spencer shrugged and gave Varric a big bear hug.

“Ok, all right, Hawke. I’m glad I got to come too. Now let me go so I can go say hi to your sister,” Varric pushed his hands against Spencer’s chest.

“Sebastian said he might come over later, he had something to do first,” Bethany said as she was helping her big brother take out the ham.

“You two seem to be getting really comfortable with each other, is there something I should know about?” Hawke asked with a cheeky smile.

Bethany elbowed him hard in the ribs, “Hmph, it’s really none of your business, brother.”

“You bother me about my love life all the time, can’t I pry sometimes too?”

“Ugh, fine. Yes, I am interested in him. He’s cute and very sweet to me,” Bethany nodded.

“Do I need to fight him for you honor? I’ll punch him so hard he’ll be shitting his teeth,” Hawke jested, giggling.

“Shut up. I hate you, I’m not listening!”

The door-bell rang, and Beth slapped Hawke’s arm with the oven mitt, “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt your poor boyfriend. I fear if I even poke him he’ll wither like a daisy in the hot sun.”

Spencer went over to the door, not hearing Bethany’s response as he opened the door. He was expecting Merrill or Sebastian, who else would be here besides them?

But no, it wasn’t them. Hawke’s eyes widened and his hand tightened on the door. His heart started to race and for some reason all he felt was the bitter taste of self-resentment.

“Anders,” He said the man’s name like a breath of fresh air. He didn’t want to sound relieved, but it came out that way. He was angry, upset, bewildered, happy, and everything else. 

Anders stopped fiddling with a button on his shirt and looked up at Hawke with a startled expression. He looked like he was about to cry.

“Hawke, may I come in, I need to-“ Before he could say anymore, Bethany popped up beside Hawke.

“What’s taking so long…” Her eyes turned hostile instantly as she took in Anders, “You’re not welcomed here.”

Anders swallowed hard, looking back down, “Can we just talk, please Hawke? This is really important to me.”

Spencer let out all his breath and shooed his sister away from the door, opening it wider so Anders could scoot inside.

“This had better be good,” Hawke said under his breath as he shut the door.

“Let’s head back to my bedroom, everyone is in the living room,” Hawke said, reaching for Anders’ hand but stopping short. He turned away from Anders stiffly and let him take the lead.

“Why is everyone—“ Anders squinted his eyes at the Christmas tree, before he groaned, “It’s Christmas Eve?”

As they passed the living room, the whole became silent. Out of the corner of Hawke’s eye, he saw something move towards them. He turned his head in time for Fenris to block Anders.

“Why are you here?” He growled, before he looked up at Hawke, “Spencer.” He reached out and placed a gentle hand on Hawke’s arm.

“That’s none of your business, I’m here to talk to Hawke,” Anders replied coldly, his eyes narrowing to slits.

“That’s not going to happen. Can’t you see how much trouble you’ve caused? And you think you have a right to talk to Spencer,” Fenris snarled, moving closer to Anders.

“Don’t talk to me about trouble. You’ve been pining for Hawke since we first met. Maker, you’re like a love sick puppy.”

“Guys, please-!”

“At least I didn’t immediately leave after I started dating him,” Fenris yelled, making Anders flinch.

Anders turned his eyes to Hawke, who reached for Fenris’ hand to calm him down. This wasn’t how he was planning for Christmas to go.

It was at that moment when Spencer noticed Fenris’ hand clench into a fist. His reaction time was very slow though, so he couldn’t stop Fenris from clocking Anders right under his chin. Anders wasn’t expecting it and his whole head snapped up. He hit the wall behind him and stared at Fenris with a shocked expression.

“Fenris!” Spencer grabbed his hand that now had split knuckles once again. He placed a quick kiss on his bleeding knuckles, getting blood on his lips.

“Please don’t fight. I’m just going to hear what he wants, then he’ll leave!” Spencer said, holding onto Fenris’ smaller hand tightly.

Fenris’ ferocious face softened as he took in Hawke’s distraught form, “I’m sorry, I let him get into my head. It’s not my place to send him away, is it?”

Spencer gave him a weak smile, and Fenris reached up and wiped the blood off his lips.

“You gave me more split knuckles, Hawke. What am I going to do with you?” Fenris murmured, a small smile gracing his lips.

“That’s a good question,” Hawke responded.

Fenris tangled his fingers in Spencer’s hair and placed a firm kiss on his lover’s lips, “You better go talk to Anders, I don’t want him keeping you long.”

“Ahem, the rest of us are here, by the way,” Isabela piped up from the couch, startling both of them.

Fenris jumped away from Hawke sheepishly, blushing all the way up to his ears, “Yes, uh, right. I think the food is ready.”

Hawke nodded and told everyone to get a plate, before he quickly turned to Anders. He was still leaning against the wall, and his hand was holding his chin.

“Anders, are you ok?” Spencer approached him, worry clear in his voice.

“Who knew such a small man could pack such a punch,” Anders grumbled. He stuck out his tongue, which was bleeding, “I bit my tongue, but I don’t think I hit any big veins nor did I bite a piece of it off. Thank god he didn’t give me a chipped tooth.”

Spencer looked at his tongue and oh Maker did he ache to kiss Anders again. And it made him feel the reeling guilt he’d felt for the past few weeks once again.

“Let’s go to my room. I’ll look at your chin and we can talk,” Spencer murmured, avoiding eye contact with him.

Once they were securely in his room, he sat Anders down on his bed and peered at his chin which was starting to turn red.

“Hawke, you don’t need to check it, I’m a doctor, I can look at it later,” Anders said with an amused voice. It was just like old times, Hawke thought, his heart aching.

“I’m sorry, uh, so, what did you want to talk about?” He questioned, looking down at Anders sitting on his bed. Oh, how many times he pictured this scenario, but he definitely never pictured it quite like this.

“Oh, where do I start? I know you don’t want to hear the details. I just need…you to take me to see someone,” Anders blurted, his voice becoming nervous.

“’Someone’? Who exactly are we talking about? And why can’t you drive yourself?” Hawke asked, his voice becoming blank.

“I never told you why I came to Kirkwall. I was searching for an old…friend. His name is Karl Thekla. I was having one of my friends help search for him. And we finally found him,” He swallowed hard, his eyes becoming clouded, “But my car was towed, and I can’t get it back. But I just can’t pass up this opportunity to see him, Hawke! I’ve wasted for many years in search of him, if I give up now—I just, I’m begging you, please.”

Hawke could feel desperation and anger well up his throat, “Anders, you left. You left me, you left your job. You went missing for almost two months, and now you decide to come back when it’s convenient for you? It’s Christmas Eve for fuck’s sake!”

Anders flinched and looked down at his hands, “I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I don’t know who else to turn too! Varric would never agree to this, and I don’t have anyone else besides you, Spencer.”

“Don’t call me that,” Hawke said bluntly, turning away from Anders.

“Please, Hawke. I just don’t know what to do,” He could hear the tears in Anders’ voice, and of course it hurt every fiber in his being to hear the crack in his ex-lover’s voice.

“And we have to go tonight? You can’t wait until Christmas is over?” Hawke asked with a sigh, scrubbing his face.

He turned back around, looking at a sniveling Anders. The man wiped at his nose and shook his head, “I want to go tonight, I need to know what happened to Karl right away.”

“This is ridiculous and I’m probably going to regret this, but I’ll do it,” Spencer said, frowning.

“Really? Thank you, Hawke. You have no idea how much this means to me,” Anders stood up and dusted off his jeans, “Can we leave right away? His apartment is about half an hour away.”

“Let me put on a jacket, and we can go,” Spencer said, opening the bedroom door and ushering Anders out.

Once they were in the living room, Bethany and Fenris came up with questioning stares.

“I have to go somewhere, I’ll be back later tonight,” Hawke said nonchalantly, shrugging into one of his jackets.

“What, where are you going? You can’t leave right now!” Bethany grabbed his arm, her eyes panicked.

“Whatever you’re planning, Beth, I want nothing to do with it,” Hawke said, removing his arm from her grip.

Fenris glanced over at Anders, who was swaying nervously by the door, before looking at Hawke.

“Can we talk, before you go?” Fenris implored, his voice quiet.

“If it’s real quick,” Spencer said, letting Fenris pull him to the side.

“This is about Anders, isn’t it?” Fenris asked him.

Spencer’s eyes flickered to Fenris’ face, searching for any malice or anger. But he found none, only a soft look with a slight expression of… defeat?

“You love him, Hawke,” Fenris murmured, reaching over and placing his hand on Hawke’s arm. He stroked his arm absent-mindedly.

“What are you talking about? Don’t say things like that!” Hawke exclaimed, his whole face turning red. He placed his hands on either side of Fenris’ face, getting serious, “You’re my boyfriend. I promise, there’s nothing in between Anders and I.”

Fenris pulled back from his boyfriend’s hands, shaking his head with a tiny, vulnerable smile, “I’m sorry I pressured you into a relationship after you just broke up with Anders. I was scared, I didn’t want to lose you. I made us rush into it even though you were clearly in love with someone else.”

“Fenris, you’re not making any sense! How could I fall in love with someone after only dating them for maybe a month?”

“What I’m saying is, I’m breaking up with you,” Fenris said with a sigh, “Go with Anders. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Spencer was bewildered, but he got the gist of what Fenris was trying to say to him. Was it that oblivious that he was in love? Hawke let out a sigh, and all he could feel was the guilt clawing at his stomach.

“I shouldn’t have done this to you, Fenris. This is my fault,” Hawke said, running his fingers through his hair.

“We can point fingers later, for now, I think you better get going,” Fenris said dismissively, turning away from Hawke.

Spencer caught his hand though, and Fenris swiveled his head back to Hawke. In one swift movement, Spencer had his roommate caught in a bone-crushing hug, kissing the top of his head.

“Bye Fen, I’ll be back later,” He told him warmly, giving him his best smile and letting him go.

“Right, Hawke. I’ll be here,” Fenris’ lips quirked into a small smile, before he went back to sit with all Hawke’s friends.

This gave Hawke pause as he stared at all his friends eating together, laughing together. Did he really want to leave all of them on Christmas Eve to help someone who decided to crush his heart for no particular reason?

He wanted to tell himself it wasn’t worth it, that he had all that he needed right here. He had Fenris, who was a better boyfriend than he ever deserved. He had all his friends, Varric, Isabela, Aveline, Merrill. And he had his sister. But unfortunately, he knew he wasn’t going to tell Anders no. Something was holding him back, whether it was love or pity, he would never know.

“We better head out,” Spencer approached Anders, jingling his car keys in his hands. He waved goodbye to Bethany, who looked extremely troubled as they disappeared out the door.

“Are you sure this is all right? I know it’s Christmas Eve and all,” Anders said, placing a warm hand on Hawke’s arm.

Spencer winced and looked away, his cheeks turning rosy, “Don’t worry about it, anything for a friend.” He bit the inside of his cheek.

“I’ve brought someone along, I hope you don’t mind,” Anders said while he walked next to him.

Hawke didn’t say anything as they left the apartment building. Outside the air was frigid and dark clouds covered up the setting sun. The silence of the empty street was eerie.

“So, you actual got that poor man to take you? I feel bad for him,” Hawke heard a deep voice off to the right, and he looked over to spot a man leaning against a wall.

“Ah Hawke, this is Justice. He’s one of my best friends,” Anders introduced them, and Justice put out his hand for Spencer to shake.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Anders has told me a lot about you,” Justice said, his face either very serious or very blank. Hawke couldn’t really tell.

“Justice!” Anders grabbed Justice’s arm, squeezing it tightly, “Anyways, why don’t we go? We’re burning daylight.”

“There is no daylight out here, Anders,” Justice stated bluntly, both of them following Hawke to his car.

“It’s a figure of speech- never mind,” Anders shook his head and bumped shoulders with Justice, who fixed him with his serious look.

Spencer unlocked his car and they got in, Anders offering the front seat to Justice, but he declined, saying he liked having more room in the back. Anders was really good at giving directions, thank the Maker. They arrived within a half an hour. The apartment building was in the really rich part of town, the apartments looking more like town homes.

Hawke was getting out when he caught a bit of a conversation between Justice and Anders.

“Are you going to tell him why we’re here? I think he deserves to know that much. It’s clear you didn’t tell him.”

“If I would’ve told him, he wouldn’t have come. It’s better this way.”

Spencer stifled the scream that he wanted to let out so badly. Why did he have to be forced out of the loop, why couldn’t people just tell him what’s going on?

Anders rounded the car and gave Hawke a slightly nervous, slightly terrified smile.

“We better go in, Justice says there could be some kind of snow storm coming, and I want to make this quick.”

“Is Justice not coming in?” Hawke questioned, glancing back at the man. He was leaning against the car, lighting a cigarette.

“He just wanted to make sure I got here all right, he did help me find this place after all,” Anders said, taking a deep breath.

He led Hawke up the stairs and into the lobby. A security officer was sitting at the desk, and he eyed them both suspiciously. They didn’t exactly look they belonged here.

Anders and Hawke made their way to the elevator and Anders pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper from his pocket.

“He’s on floor 10 in room 1003,” He read out, squinting at the smudged letters on the sheet.

Spencer pressed the button for floor ten and gently leaned back against the wall of the elevator. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing right now, but he knew one thing for sure. He was glad he got to see Anders again.

“Maker, I’m so fucking nervous. I feel like I’m going to be sick,” Anders said, pressing one of his hands to the wall.

“The way you’ve been talking about this, Anders, makes me feel like this isn’t just a friend,” Hawke said in a small voice, his gaze on the back of Anders’ head.

Anders visibly stiffened up at that, and Hawke knew he hit the nail on the head. But he didn’t get to press the matter further, as the elevator dinged and they were on floor ten.

The apartment was only three doors down, so it wasn’t hard to find. Anders stood in front of it, with Hawke leaning next to the door with his arms crossed. Spencer felt a tad bit upset and very confused, but he wasn’t going to try and make this worse for Anders. It seemed he was really panicked about this.

“Ok, I just have to knock on the door, I can do this. It’s really easy to knock, just gotta make a fist, and…“ Anders trailed off, staring at the door with a far-away look.

Spencer let out an audible sigh and rapped his knuckles against the door loudly. Anders turned his head to look at Hawke with wide eyes, before they both heard the lock on the door snap open. The door opened, and there was a man. He had to be around Hawke’s age, with swept back blonde hair and piercing green eyes.

“Yes, how may I help you?” He asked, his voice clear as a bell.

Anders looked at him for a moment, before finding his voice, “Um, do you know if a Karl Thekla lives here?”

The man’s eyebrows furrowed and he nodded, “Yes, he does. Who are you?”

“I’m just an old friend from college. Decided to pay him a visit,” Anders fumbled over his words, his cheeks becoming red.

“All right… I’ll go get him for you,” The man shut the door and they heard him call for Karl.

Anders looked over at Hawke, before the door opened once again. The man had grey hair and startling light blue eyes. His gaze traveled over Anders, and then to Hawke, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Do I know you?” He questioned, his eyes back on Anders.

Anders seemed to shatter at that, his eyes going down to his feet for a moment. He looked back up after a second with a forced smile, “Karl, it’s me. Anders.”

Karl watched Anders for a moment, before realization dawned on his face. He looked back into his apartment, “Darling, I’ll be right back.” He stepped out and shut the door.

Anders scrambled away, standing next to Hawke, his whole body trembling.

“Anders, I can’t believe—how did you find me?” Karl asked, pressing his hand to his forehead.

“Justice, you know he always wanted to become an investigator,” Anders said, his voice wavering.

“Oh, of course. Once you convince him to do something, he won’t stop,” Karl stopped rubbing his forehead and gave Anders a hard look, “Why are you here then?”

Anders looked taken aback, “I came to find you, of course. You disappeared all those years ago without communicating with me. I thought you were dead for so many years, Karl!”

“But I didn’t want you to find me, that’s the reason I left, Anders,” Karl snapped, losing his cool composure for a moment. He then sighed and began to rub his eyebrows furiously.

“I-I don’t understand, why would you-?”

“Anders, even now your clueless. That relationship we had, it wasn’t healthy. You used me, my body. All you ever wanted from me was sex,” He said, clenching his fist at his side.

“That’s not true, I loved you!”

“It is true, Anders. You just can’t see it because you weren’t on the receiving end of it. I did love you, Anders. More than life itself. But it’s been… more than five years. I’ve moved on. I found real love, Anders. And that’s all I want for you now.”

“Karl, please. Don’t do this, I’ve spent so much time looking for you,” Anders reached forward, but stopped short.

Karl glanced over at Hawke, who had been silent this whole time, before settling his eyes on Anders, “I don’t know what you came here looking for, but you shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry Anders.”

He opened the door, looking back at Anders one more time, “Take a breath and look around Anders, it looks like you already have something great.”

And the door swung shut.


	9. Love is...Unconventional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a ride for Spencer Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated. We finally have the smut!
> 
> By the way, I commissioned Emrize for a wonderful (slighty nsfw) picture of Spencer and Anders and it's now in the chapter! Yay! If you ever read this Emrize, thank you again! <3

### 

Chapter Nine:

Spencer and Anders stood in silence, Hawke not wanting to say anything to Anders. Hawke could understand Karl’s predicament, and how Anders feels. But it wasn’t his right to judge either of them since he probably shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

“I’ll take you home, how far away is it?” Hawke asked as they were heading outside to the car.

Anders didn’t answer him, stopping at the bottom of the few stairs up to the apartment. Hawke turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“I thought… I don’t know, that Karl left because he hated Denerim, and he didn’t want to drag me away from college. But I pushed him away, forced his hand. And now I have no one to blame but myself,” Anders said, his voice cracking.

Spencer stood a little away from him, just staring at him. He wanted to touch him, to comfort him so much that he ached. But he didn’t move, because he feared he would be pushed away.

“I’m glad that’s over with,” They heard Justice’s voice on the other side of the car, startling them both.

“Ah, sorry we took longer than intended, Justice. I guess we can go home,” Anders said, dabbing at his face.

“When I told you I would help you with this all those years ago, I thought maybe sooner or later you’d give up. I wanted you too. Because I knew in the end you’d just get your heart broken,” Justice said calmly.

Anders clenched his hands, before he lunged forward, grabbing Justice’s shirt collar and shoving him against the car, “Then, why didn’t you?! You could’ve stopped me!”

Spencer lurched forward to pull Anders off Justice, but Justice shook his head at him.

“Would that have stopped you? You needed someone you could depend on when you stopped talking to Orchid.”

“You could’ve tried, to spare me all this,” He paused, dropping his hands from Justice’s shirt and falling forward against his friend’s chest, “all this heartbreak.”

“I think it’s time to go home,” Justice said as a car pulled up.

He turned Anders around and shoved him towards Spencer, who clumsily caught him. He looked up at Justice sharply.

“Take care of him, Hawke. I’m counting on you,” Justice said, opening the car door and getting in.

Anders whipped around and yelled out at Justice, but the car was out of sight in a moment. The snow was coming down hard now, the wind tearing at them.

“We need to get in the car, it’s dangerous out here!” Hawke yelled at him, his voice almost lost in the howling wind.

Anders looked up at him, tears streaming down his face, his expression vulnerable. And with that, they hurried to the car and got in, dusting snow off them and turning the heat on full blast.

“I got a blanket in the back, here,” Hawke twisted his body and grabbed the wool blanket from his backseat, draping it over Anders.

Anders watched him steadily as Hawke pulled out and began puttering down the road. He could barely see anything, and his windows creaked with the wind. This was not going to be a safe trip home.

“Why don’t we stay at a hotel tonight?” Anders mumbled next to him.

“What? No, I can get us home, it might just take a bit longer,” Spencer said, glancing over at Anders. It was clear that he was worn out and unhappy. 

“Don’t risk our safety just to get back. There’s a hotel just down the road. I’ll pay for the rooms,” Anders said, curling his legs in front of him.

“Really, Anders, I can get us home,” Hawke said, but another gust of sharp wind and black ice made him reconsider, “All right, maybe staying at a hotel couldn’t hurt.”

Anders snickered as they pulled off by the brightly lit hotel, turning off the car. Once they were out of the car, Hawke noticed Anders hadn’t removed the blanket from his shoulders. He had it wrapped around his body like a cloak, holding it closed around his neck.

Once inside, the warm air was very relaxing. There were two people behind the desk, one of them was sleeping. The other greeted them warmly and asked them what kind of room they needed.

“We need two rooms with single beds for one night,” Anders said calmly, digging his wallet out of his pocket.

“Oh, I’m sorry sir, but we only have one room available at the moment,” She said politely.

“What kind of room is it?” Anders asked carefully, his hand stopped in pulling out his credit card.

“It’s a king size bed, sir,” She informed him, her polite smile not leaving her face.

Anders gave her a skeptical look, before his gaze traveled back to Hawke, “Is that all right with you? I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

Spencer glanced up at the woman, before he turned his head to look outside. The snowstorm was in full-force, there was no way he could get them home. He scratched the back of his head and shrugged, “We really have no choice, do we?”

Anders nodded and handed the woman his credit card.

“Excellent choice, sir. Here’s your room key, please make sure to be out of your room by one tomorrow afternoon. Have a nice night!” She gave them a little wave after they had paid.

They walked through the lobby and down the hall in silence, the only noise was the wool blanket dragging against the floor and Anders sniffling occasionally.

Anders put his card in the door and opened it, peering around. The snow made the window creak and if you listened hard enough you could hear it pounded four floors above against the roof.

“I’m going to take a shower, all right?” Hawke said, shaking out his wet hair with a sigh.

“Yeah, ok,” Anders mumbled, traveling over to the head and dropping on it face first.

A small chuckle escaped his lips, despite the situation, before he went into the bathroom and turned on the very nice shower. It was definitely different from the one in the apartment. They were still in the nicer part of town, so the room must have cost Anders a lot. Hawke would have to pay him back at some point.

If he ever saw Anders again.

Hawke shed his clothes and began to wash up. He thought back to what happened today, and it really hurt. He didn’t want it too, but it did. Anders was in love with someone else, and that person rejected him. Was what they had ever real? Did he just date him out of pity like Hawke snapped at him that day? Spencer pressed his hand to his eyes and swallowed back the sob threatening to bubble out of his throat.

Anders didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about what happened, but Hawke had to know. Had to put his feelings to rest today so he could move on with his life. He felt like he had already moved on when he started dating Fenris, but both him and Fenris knew he didn’t. How pathetic, Hawke thought bitterly.

Once he was finished, he stepped out and dried himself off with a very fluffy towel and put his boxers and sweatpants back on. He crumpled up his shirt in his hands and opened the bathroom door.

When he came into the room, all the lights were still off, and he could make out Anders’ form sitting in a chair by the window. The blanket was still wrapped tightly around him. Hawke cleared his throat to make his presence known, before he pulled up the other chair to the window. He sat down silently and looked out at the snow falling in fat snowflakes.

“Why did you help me?” Anders asked after a while, his voice hoarse.

Spencer turned his head to gaze at Anders. He was staring at Hawke as well, his honey colored eyes vulnerable and upset. His hair was a mess, the ponytail barely holding back some of his hair.

Hawke sighed, running his fingers through his damp hair, “I asked myself that a lot as I was with you. I probably shouldn’t have, with the way we broke-up and you disappearing for two months,” He paused, “And figuring out you were in love with someone else.”

“Then why did you stay? You could’ve left right after you figured that out. I wouldn’t have blamed you, Hawke. Even I wouldn’t have stayed. Fenris was right, I’ve caused you so much trouble. It would’ve been better if I had never flirted with you in the first place.”

“Please—don’t say that,” Spencer said a little too loudly, before he lowered his voice again, “I wouldn’t trade the time we had together for anything, Anders. I know it’s kind of null and void and pointless now, but I love you.”

Hawke knew he just spilled his soul to Anders, and he was afraid of the reaction. Spencer clasped his hands together in his lap and stared at them hard. Did he scare Anders, was he going to run out of the room shrieking?

“You know, I loved Karl at one point. I thought what we had was real, but the way he talked about it, I realized he was right. That wasn’t a real relationship, it wasn’t built on trust or love,” Anders sighed, shaking his head.

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek and kept his gaze on his hands, not really sure what he was supposed to say to that.

“But, the way I felt about…you, Hawke. It was different. I wanted your body, yes, who wouldn’t. But I wanted to go on dates with you, cuddle on a couch with you. All that sappy stuff. With Karl, it wasn’t like that. Maybe in the back of my head, I understood that, but I needed closure, you know? Just to know Karl was safe and happy, made me happy,” He took a deep breath, “I was afraid, afraid of my own feelings, afraid of what would happen to us. I have some issues, Hawke. Some that may never be fixed, and I didn’t think it was right of me to drag you in. So, I broke it off. You have no idea how much it hurt.” He laughed bitterly.

Hawke felt Anders’ warm hand gently lay on top of his, and he looked up sharply. Anders was staring at him with that warm smile he always had. The one that could melt even the toughest of people.

“I think I’m in love with you Spencer Hawke. With your dry humor, goofy grins, your very clumsy demeanor. Everything.” His eyes bored into Spencer’s, his hand squeezing his tightly.

“I, uh, don’t know if you heard me earlier, but I love you too,” Hawke responded, his voice quivering as he grinned.

Anders chuckled softly as his hand roamed up Hawke’s arm to his face, cupping his cheek gently. He leaned forward out of his chair and placed a small, chaste kiss on Hawke’s lips. But he froze up after a moment and pulled away, his eyes confused.

“What about Fenris? You can’t break-up with him because of me, he deserves you so much more than I do,” Anders said, retracting himself from Hawke.

Spencer reached over and stroked his cheek with his thumb, “It seems Fenris knows me better than myself. He told me to go with you. Pretty much broke up with me.”

“You’re kidding. Fenris backed down without a fight? He punched me in the chin!” Anders exclaimed rubbing the spot under his chin was turning a deep shade of purple.

“I guess it was just a weird situation all around. I didn’t think you were going to come back, Anders. So I wanted to move on. Falling in love within a month seems ludicrous, doesn’t it?” He asked.

Anders shrugged, “I guess. But it happened, didn’t it? You aren’t the only guilty party.”

“I suppose so,” Hawke said, before they sat in silence.

It was all out in the open, Hawke laid himself bare and Anders accepted him. He loved him back, even. He wanted to cry and laugh and scream all at the same time. More than that though, he wanted to kiss Anders.

“Well, I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll hit the hay,” Spencer said, standing up and avoiding Anders’ questioning stare as he went over to the large bed.

“Really? Hawke, we just confessed our feelings and you want to go to bed?” Anders spun around, pressing himself against the back of the chair as he stared at Spencer incredulously.

“Did you have something else in mind?” Spencer asked with his eyebrows raised.

Anders placed his elbow on the edge of the chair and put his chin in his hand, shaking his head, “Hawke.”

“Call me Spencer,” Hawke told him with a small, warm smile.

Anders watched him for a moment, before he stood up with a sigh, “Screw it, I can’t hold back.”

He rounded the bed till he was standing in front of it. He grinned down at Hawke, sending shivers up Spencer’s spine. Anders trailed his hands down his front, stopping at the hem of his shirt. With very deliberate, slow movements, he slid his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the bed.

“I want you to fuck me, Spencer,” He said bluntly, a mischievous smile on his lips.

Hawke swallowed hard and spread his legs, a nervous smile appearing on his face, “I can do that.”

Anders took that as an invitation, and he crawled onto the bed, inching his way forward until he was kneeling in between Spencer’s legs. He leaned his face forward and tentatively placed a kiss on his partner’s lips. It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, their mouths opening and tongues connecting. Anders traced his hand down Hawke’s chest, and began to palm at his hardening cock through the pant fabric.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=dqgjn6)

Hawke had to stifle the moan that tried to escape his lips. He hadn’t been touched like this for a very long time. He had never felt the need to masturbate these past few months, which would explain his over-sensitivity.

Spencer carefully trailed his hands down Anders’ backside, grabbing onto his ass and kneading it. Anders gasped into his mouth at the sudden contact, before he broke the kiss with a grin. He looked down, biting his lip as he took a hold of the waistband of Hawke’s pants. Spencer lifted his ass up and let Anders pull them down along with his boxers. With a hum, Anders reached down and pumped Hawke a couple times experimentally, causing him to really moan that time. Anders raised his eyebrows, glancing up at a squirming Spencer.

“You’re adorable, Spencer,” Anders murmured, before he leaned down. He licked the tip of his dick, curling a piece of his hair behind his ear. He took part of him into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip before taking in more. Hawke gasped, his hands moving from Anders’ butt down to claw the sheets, his head tipping back.

Anders searched with his hand till he found Hawke’s hand, clasping the top of it, he guided it to his hair, smoothing out his pace.

Spencer bucked his hips slightly, getting lost in the ardor that consumed his whole body. He tangled his fingers in Anders’ silky hair, the hair-tie getting caught on his fingers. He wanted to push and have his whole length in his lover’s mouth, but he wasn’t sure how Anders would react to that.

It wasn’t going to take long for him to come, he could already feel the heat pooling inside him. Anders finally removed his mouth with a pop, wiping the saliva that had dripped down his chin.

He grinned at Hawke, who was bright red and panting hard, “Was I that good? I haven’t blown someone in a few years.”

“W-what kind of question is that?” Spencer croaked, trying to get his breathing under control.

Anders slid over to the other side of the bed, snatching his jacket off the back of the chair he was sitting in. Hawke watched him with a confused expression as he dug something out of his jacket pocket. He smiled triumphantly as he pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom.

Hawke shifted and stared at them, before he looked back up at Anders, “You had both those in your pocket?”

“This is an old jacket,” Anders replied, shrugging, “A college jacket to be exact.”

“And you’re sure that stuff is still good?” Spencer teased, kicking his pants the rest of the way off.

Anders fixed him with lustful stare, “I don’t care,” he said simply. And with that he shimmied out of his jeans and briefs, dropping them to the floor.

Hawke swallowed and watched as Anders doused two of his fingers in the lube, moving to sit in front of Hawke, giving him a full view of what’s going on. Anders spread his legs, his ankles pressed against Spencer’s calves.

Hawke itched to touch, to feel, but Anders was just out of reach as he inserted a finger into himself. He could touch his partner’s ankles if he wanted, but that’s not what he wanted. He desired to kiss him, their tongues touching, biting love marks into his flesh anywhere he pleased. Fucking him into the mattress.

Anders had closed his eyes and seemed to be focusing on the task, but he opened his eyes as he inserted a second finger and was watching Hawke. Spencer noticed his gaze on him and smiled sheepishly.

“Enjoying the show?” Anders questioned, his voice airy.

“Is it bad for me to say yes, because it’s actually really turning me on right now,” Hawke replied.

“I’m… glad,” Anders gasped, hitting a particularly sensitive spot and letting out a muffled moan.

“I’d rather that be my dick inside you though,” Spencer said, reaching his hand down to stroke his cock a couple times.

“Patience, Spencer,” Anders eyed his shaft with a hungry stare that made him keep stroking himself.

Another finger was inside Anders, and Spencer just really wanted to have sex with him. He had waited for this for so long and now he was there. He loved Anders, so much.

“I love you,” Hawke murmured, getting up on his knees and using one of his hands to caress Anders’ face. He pressed a long, lingering kiss to his lips, before pulling back with a small smile.

Anders paused in what he was doing for a moment, a warm smile spread over his face, "I love you too."

“I don’t think I can wait any longer,” Hawke whispered while trailing wet kisses down Anders’ throat and to his collarbone. He sucked on his skin, biting into it softly and leaving a red mark. He could hear Anders’ breath hitch and his whole body shivered.

“Please, have me. Take me all,” Anders murmured into his ear.

Hawke pushed him onto his back and moved in between his legs, picking up the condom and lube from where Anders had set them on the bed. He opened the condom and rolled it on, before generously applying the lube to himself. He hooked both his arms under Anders’ knees to push them up a bit. He planted one of his hands firmly into the mattress and the other held Anders’ leg softly. 

“I’m putting it in,” Hawke murmured, positioning himself in just the right way.

“You look so concentrated,” Anders teased, reaching up and running his hand down Hawke’s torso with a smile.

“Don’t make fun of me!” Spencer let out all of his breath as he forced the tip inside of Anders.

“Ah! That’s cruel,” Anders gasped out.

“There’s more where that came from,” Spencer growled.

“ _Fuck_ , fill me up,” Anders ground out, flicking his hips.

Hawke pushed himself further in, not enough to hurt, but enough to know Anders probably needed a moment to adjust. How he could remember all these little things after not having sex for two years baffled him.

“Don’t _stop_ , Spencer, fuck me,” Anders whimpered from under him, pushing himself further down on Hawke’s cock.

“It might hurt-“

“I don’t care, pound me until I scream your name,” Anders growled.

Spencer groaned and sank his shaft all the way into Anders with one swift movement. This had Anders moaning deeply, shifting his legs being held by Hawke’s hands.

“Are you ok?” Hawke questioned, rolling his hips to find a good angle.

“Yes,” Anders gasped out, squirming.

Spencer nodded and pulled his cock out almost all the way out before slamming it back in. He wasn’t sure what would be the best pace, so he settled for long strokes as fast as his body would allow. 

Apparently, it was good enough for Anders, who was moaning loud enough to wake up the neighbors and have someone complain in the morning. He was so beautiful, writhing against the mattress with his mouth open and his eyes closed. His body shined with sweat, making his skin slick. One of his hands was tangled in his own hair, tugging at it, while the other inched down to his own cock.

“Maker, you’re so gorgeous. I could make love to you all night,” Hawke panted out, pushing Anders’ leg further up.

“Please do,” Anders moaned, arching his back off the bed and pumping his own dick.

It wasn’t going to take long for Hawke to tip over the edge, he could already feel it coiling in his veins. His breath was coming in gasps, and he moaned, closing his eyes for a moment. He definitely was out of practice.

“Are you gonna come for me, love? Do it, I need you to come while you’re inside me,” Anders pleaded, stroking his cock faster.

“Ah, oh, shit!” Hawke curled forward as he came, breathing heavily and sweating.

“Yes, love, oh _fuck_ ,” Anders wasn’t too far behind, coming all over his stomach and chest with a strangled moan.

Once Spencer was finished and was breathing normally, he removed himself from Anders, who was laying on the bed looking up at the ceiling. Hawke removed the condom and threw it in the garbage. He didn’t want to be the maid who took out the trash tomorrow. He grabbed some tissues and cleaned himself, offering some to Anders.

Once they were clean, Anders scooted to the top of the bed and got under the covers naked, holding the comforter open for Hawke to join him.

“Don’t want to put on any clothes, huh?” Hawke joked, sliding under the covered next to him and pressing his body against Anders’ backside.

“Not if I don’t have too,” Anders responded, leaning his head back against Hawke’s shoulder, looking up at him with a small smile.

Spencer could feel a blush creeping in his cheeks, so he planted a kiss on Anders’ forehead. Anders giggled and cuddled up to him.

After a couple minutes, Spencer finally let out all his breath. Something had been nagging him since after they finished, “Hey, Anders?”

“Mmmmm?”

“Are we—what’s going to happen after this?” Hawke asked, burying his nose in Anders’ golden locks and breathing in deeply.

Anders turned around abruptly, startling Hawke. He was frowning, staring up at Hawke, “Do you…want to part ways after this, Spencer?”

“Wha-?! No, of course not! I’m not that type of person, Anders. I just thought, maybe you would have changed your mind or something…” He trailed off, averting his eyes.

“There’s nothing to change my mind about. I love you, Spencer. I can’t just put something like that off like it isn’t real. I want you, I want to date you.”

Hawke wrapped his arms around Anders and pecked him on the lips, “I want to date you too, Anders. I want to be a couple with you and go out together. Please, stay with me.”

“Nothing can keep me from you, love,” Anders nuzzled into his neck, his breath hot against his cool skin.

They fell asleep like that, holding each other. The snowstorm slowly letting off until only lone flakes fell from the sky.

~

In the morning, Spencer felt spectacularly comfortable, and the first thought that roused him from his sleep was, ‘This isn’t my bed’. He stretched out his feet, and he bumped into another pair of feet, which were freezing cold against his.

“Good morning,” He heard a lovely voice, and he thought he was still dreaming when he opened his eyes and saw Anders’ above him. He had his chin in his hand, staring down at him with a lazy smile.

“Is it morning already? I slept like a rock,” Spencer murmured, trying to roll over. He realized that his arm was caught under Anders. 

“It’s actually almost time for us to check out, so we should probably get ready to leave,” Anders whispered, swooping down and planting a tender kiss on Hawke’s lips.

“Can I take one more shower in that wonderful bathroom? I might have to steal one of their towels. It’s so nice compared to home,” He extracted his arm from under his lover and stretched.

“As long as I can shower with you,” Anders offered with a mischievous smile.

“I think that can be arranged,” Spencer replied.

Hawke got up first, making a show of stretching while he was naked, before turning to look at Anders. The other man rolled out of bed, and immediately almost lost his footing. He groaned and pressed one of his palms into his bare hip.

“Ok, we might really just have to clean up, love. I took a real beating last night,” He teased, straightening up and limping over to Hawke.

Spencer’s heart fluttered at the pet name Anders had started calling him last night, but he decided it was best not to say anything. He secretly loved it.

“It’s your fault, you said you wanted it all,” Spencer joked.

“I forgot about the consequences of the next morning. Though it doesn’t hurt as bad as with inexperienced men. Have you-?”

Spencer stiffened up and looked away from Anders curious face, “Yeah, I-uh, have. I used to be really good, apparently. My partners always gave me praise before I left.”

He felt warm hands take a hold of his face, making him focus on Anders, “I’m glad that they led you to me. I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

“Are you the jealous type, eh?” Hawke implored jokingly, heading into the bathroom.

“I am, I hope you have no problems with that,” Anders replied innocently.

“Not at all.”

~

After gathering their items and checking out, they headed back to Hawke’s apartment. Anders wanted to go out for a cup of coffee, but Hawke said he needed to put on fresh clothes before they did.

At home, all was silent. Fenris was probably sleeping, and everyone went home after Christmas. Hawke tiptoed into the kitchen, shoving one of the cookies Merrill had brought into his mouth.

He was going out into the living room, when he stopped halfway, Anders bumping into his backside.

“Bethany, what are you doing here?” Hawke asked, his eyebrows raised.

Bethany stood up, her eyes wide with alarm, “Spencer, you’re home! I didn’t think you’d be here so soon. I- uh-“

“Brother,” A voice made Hawke’s blood run cold.

He turned his head towards Fenris’ bedroom, where a familiar man stood.

“C-Carver?” He whispered, horrible emotions welling up inside of him.

Anders had moved around to stand beside Spencer, and was now curiously looking at Carver. Hawke’s brother noticed him standing there, and his nostrils flared.

“Is this him?” He demanded of Bethany, who nodded quickly.

Before anyone could do anything, Carver stormed up to both Hawke and Anders, and decked Anders right in the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Anders has been punched twice. My poor child.


	10. The Sit Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hawke family plus Anders have a sit down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short, I'm sorry! I didn't think the next part really fit in well with the chapter so I split it off. So, more for next chapter, amiright?
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, I didn't look it over.

### 

Chapter 10:

It all happened it an instance, Spencer really wasn’t sure what was going on. He had brought home Anders just so he could get dressed and go out to breakfast with him. But…Carver was here, his brother who wanted nothing to do with him nor their family. And without even acknowledging his own big brother, he instead walks straight up to Anders and decks him.

Rage boils in Spencer’s throat, and even though he was shocked to see his brother at his apartment, as soon as he threw a fist at Anders, it was all over.

He grabbed Carver by his hood and yanked him up and away from Anders, his face twisted in anger. He slammed his younger brother against the nearest wall.

“What the fuck is your problem? I take one god damn step into my own apartment and you’re throwing punches like you own the fucking place,” Hawke snarled, curling his fist into the front of his younger brother’s shirt and glaring at him.

Carver looked at him with an equally pissed-off expression, baring his teeth, “Bethany told me everything and you expect me to not punch this bastard?!”

Spencer pushed Carver away from him, shaking out his hand and turning his attention to Anders. He was sitting on his butt, rubbing his cheek.

“Are you ok?” He exclaimed worriedly, squatting beside him and trying to get a look at his cheek.

“If his punch wasn’t so weak, I could have lost a tooth. Might want to talk to Fenris about that,” Anders said, blood dribbling out of his mouth.

“Bethany, can you get him some water, ice, and a towel? Please,” He gave her a begging look.

She glanced at Carver, who was glaring daggers at Hawke, before nodding and scurrying into the kitchen to gather the supplies.

“Alright, let’s get you over to the couch,” Spencer helped Anders to his feet and led him over to the couch.

“I can’t believe you, he literally made you have a mild attack. And now you’re treating him like he’s a god,” Carver hissed, rubbing his temples furiously.

“Who told you about that? That’s none of your business,” Spencer said curtly, giving him a look that said, ‘shut up please’.

“Attack? What’s he talking about?” Anders questioned, tilting his head.

“Oh, so you didn’t tell him, that’s great. With-holding secrets always was your strong suit,” Carver retorted.

Hawke could feel Anders’ gaze on his face, “Carver, don’t.”

“If he wants to know, he has a right, he caused it,” Carver crossed his arms and trained his steely gaze on Anders, “My brother had depression and was an alcoholic. Apparently when you broke it off, he had a mild case of disassociation, where he reverts into an old personality, and got drunk off his ass,” Carver explained.

“You’re such a fucking loud mouth,” Hawke snarled, kneeling in front of Anders.

“I got the things you wanted, here,” Bethany gave Hawke what he asked for and backed up to stand beside Carver.

“Carver, your knuckles are bleeding. Why don’t you come into the bathroom with me and I’ll put some band-aids on them,” Bethany tugged on his arm.

“Whatever,” Carver muttered, following his sister into the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” Anders asked while Hawke was pressing the ice pack to his face.

“Why does it matter? You weren’t supposed to know anyways,” Spencer mumbled, dabbing at the blood on Anders’ lips, “Here, drink this.”

Anders gulped down some of the water, before he reached forward and placed a gentle hand on Hawke’s shoulder, squeezing tightly.

“I don’t care, Spencer. I need to know these things,” He paused, lowering his eyes, “I really hurt you, didn’t I?”

Hawke blinked a couple of times and looked up at him, before he shrugged his shoulders, “It’s fine now, Anders. I’m fine now. We’re fine…aren’t we?”

Anders pressed his hand to Hawke’s that was holding the ice-pack to his face, smiling softly, “Of course…” He trailed off, “But I still hurt you, and I think it’s best I apologize. I was a real dick.”

“I forgive you,” Spencer said, wrapping his arms around Anders’ knees and laying his head on his lover’s leg. He felt a tentative hand press against his head, before calloused fingers ran through his hair gently. 

“So, I’m going to assume that was your brother who was throwing punches,” Anders said after a while.

Hawke nodded, swallowing back the anger that welled up in his throat, “Yeah, Carver. I can’t believe he’s still a hot-headed child. You think after all those years of being away from me, he would’ve gotten over that.”

They sat in silence for a while, the only noise Anders’ hand running through Hawke’s hair. It felt really nice and his hand was warm against Spencer’s scalp. He kind of liked this a lot, and wished they could do it all the time.

“I’m sorry,” Hawke mumbled after a while.

“Hmm? What for, love?” Anders’ hand stilled in his hair.

“Two people I know have punched you, and they did it because of me,” He replied, peering up at his lover from where his head laid on Anders’ thigh.

“That’s true…but there’s no reason to apologize, Spencer. They have their own free will, and they did something considerate towards your feelings,” Anders said in a warm voice.

“But that’s not the point, I never asked them to ‘defend my honor’, but they did it anyways. And I feel awful about it,” Hawke looked up fully now, shaking off Anders’ hand slightly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, really. What they did has nothing to do with you,” Anders reassured him.

“He’s right. I punched him because I wanted too,” A new voice startled both of them, and Hawke hurried stood up from where he was on his knees cuddling up to Anders.

Fenris was toweling his hair, in his usual work attire. His eyes narrowed as he took in Anders, and then he smiled in relief at Spencer.

“I’m glad you made it back all right. Heard there was a horrible snow storm last night,” Fenris said, letting the towel fall around his neck.

“Yeah, I was a bit nervous to drive home, so we stayed in a motel for the night,” Spencer explained, shrugging his shoulders.

“Given the circumstances, I would be too. All your presents are still under the tree,” Fenris nodded towards the glittering Christmas tree.

“Did you open the one I got you?” Spencer asked with an excited tone.

“I didn’t, I wanted to wait until you returned,” Fenris told him.

“Well now’s the perfect time, I think you’ll love it,” Spencer went over to the tree and picked up a semi-large box, setting it on the couch where Fenris could open it. 

As Fenris was opening the present, Spencer could swear he saw Fenris smirked at Anders. Assuming it was his imagination, he eagerly awaited for his friend’s reaction.

“It’s…a new coffee maker?” Fenris pulled up the box and squinted at it.

“I know you drink coffee all the time, and the one my mom used to own is getting a bit rough around the edges. So, I got us a new one,” Hawke grinned.

“It’s a wonderful gift, thank you Hawke,” Fenris gave him a small smile, but underneath it, Spencer could make out the pain.

“Do you mind if we talk? We can take Havoc outside real quick,” Hawke offered to Fenris.

Fenris looked at him skeptically, but nodded. Hawke went towards his bedroom, knocking on the door and opening it. Bethany was stretched out on his bed and Carver was pacing the room with an angry look. Havoc was asleep halfway on top of Bethany, who was petting her softly.

“I’m taking Havoc out. Once I’m done with that, I guess we can talk about what’s going on,” Hawke said, eyeing Carver.

“Sounds good,” Bethany replied, letting Havoc get up. Spencer clipped her leash on her and went out to the living room, beckoning Fenris.

“Stay put, I’ll be right back,” Spencer grinned at Anders, who gave him an embarrassed smile.

They climbed down the stairs in silence, Havoc panting as she yanked on her leash to get outside the warm building. Once they were outside, Hawke clipped the retractable leash to the stair railing and looked over at Fenris.

Fenris had turned around and was leaning against the railing, not looking at Spencer. Hawke joined him, looking at the fresh snow on the ground. 

“I suppose something happened last night,” Fenris finally said, his head turned away from Hawke.

“Yeah…it did,” Spencer murmured, rubbing the back of his neck, “You know I never meant for any of this to happen, Fen.”

Fenris flinched slightly, his gaze travelling over to Hawke’s face, “Of course I know that. I know you didn’t plan to—plan to-“ He trailed off, rubbing his face furiously.

“Anders told me he loves me,” Hawke said, staring off into the distance.

Fenris let out a bitter laugh, “He loves you? Well, isn’t that just convenient.”

Spencer didn’t say anything, tilting his head so he could see Havoc sniffing the snow. What could he say to make this better? Fenris let him go with Anders, knowing fully well that Hawke was in love with him. Anything Spencer could say would only make the situation worse. 

“You know I did love you,” Hawke whispered.

“I think your love is different from mine,” Fenris snapped, before he looked away suddenly. “I’m sorry, Hawke, I’m taking this out on you. But I was the one that told you to go with him.”

“You have every right to take this out on me, I started dating you. I said yes even though I knew deep down that I still loved Anders. So, if anyone needs to be punched a couple times, it’s me,” Hawke said quickly.

Fenris’ lips quirked at that, lightly punching his arm. He then went over to the stairs and sat down, letting out a big sigh that billowed out fog from the cold. “I keep thinking that maybe if I had asked you to stay instead of telling you to go. Or if I would have asked you out before Anders did. Maybe things would be different.”

Spencer frowned, his heart wrenching as he looked down at Fenris’ form. This was the worst conversation Hawke had had in a while, he just wanted to hug Fenris and apologize forever. Fenris didn’t deserve the way Spencer treated him. Though at one point, Hawke was happy with him. And he will never forget those happy moments.

“I just want you to be happy, Hawke. And if that means I need to back off…then so be it,” Fenris didn’t look up at him, and made no move to get up.

Havoc tromped up the stairs, stopping in front of Fenris and wagging her stump of a tail happily at him. Fenris reached out and pat the top of her head a couple times.

“Fenris…”

Fenris cut him off, “Don’t worry about me, Hawke. I assume your brother and sister are waiting inside to talk to you.”

Spencer watched him, a harsh wind making him rock back on his heels. He didn’t want to leave Fenris like this. He cared about him deeply, even if it wasn’t romantic. He worried about him, a lot.

“Let’s go inside, together,” Hawke offered a hand to Fenris, giving him his warmest smile.

Fenris glanced up, his nose and ears red from the cold, before he hesitantly took Hawke’s hand. Spencer hoisted him up, before wrapping his arms around Fenris. He stiffened up in his embrace, before relaxing.

“I’m sorry, Fenris. I know I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve you. But thank you, for everything,” Hawke mumbled into his shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

“Yes, Hawke, I know. Now let me go before you cut off my breathing,” Fenris teased, pressing his hands to Spencer’s chest with a small smile.

Hawke grinned at him, before picking up Havoc’s leash and heading inside with them. As soon as they got inside, Havoc practically ripped Hawke’s arm off while dragging him over to Anders. She lifted her front paws onto his knees and began happily sniffing him.

“It’s not nice to jump on people, old girl!” Spencer grabbed onto her collar, taking off her leash and removing her from Anders’ lap. Anders hesitantly patted her head. Satisfied, Havoc jumped up on the couch and curled up. Fenris grabbed his jacket off the dining room table.

“I have to go to work, Hawke. Hopefully we can speak more tonight,” Fenris offered him a small smile before leaving.

Hawke watched him go, hoping Fenris wasn’t as upset as before, and feeling a bit guilty. He then turned to Anders. 

“I’m going to talk with my brother and sister really quick, and then we can go get coffee,” He told Anders. He turned away, and saw that Carver was standing in the hallway, Bethany standing behind him.

“We can talk out here,” Carver said dismissively, seating himself in the love seat and shooting Anders a dirty glare. Bethany sat with Carver and Hawke placed himself next to Anders.

“Great, I’m glad we have to drag Anders into our family problems,” Spencer snapped, crossing his legs and narrowing his eyes at Carver.

“Can you two not be so prickly right now?” Bethany butted in.

“You can’t tell me not to be pissed at him. You of all people know I have a right. If given the chance, you would’ve punched that…that scumbag!” Carver jabbed his finger towards Anders.

Anders licked his lips, eyes darting to Bethany, before back to Carver. Spencer leaned forward, his glare on Carver.

“Well, I…” Bethany stammered.

“This isn’t about my love life. Why are you here, brother?” Hawke questioned.

“Bethany invited me to Christmas, said she wanted to use me as a ‘gift’ to you. She said how bad you’ve felt about what you did, and I thought I would give you a chance,” Carver explained as if he was looking down on his older brother.

“That’s very nice of Bethany, spilling out my private life, but I didn’t ask you to come home. I know you have your own life now, and if you don’t want me in it, I understand,” Spencer lowered his eyes to his hands. His anger was still there, but he could feel grief tinging the anger.

“I only did it because of what happened with Anders! I wasn’t trying to cause trouble for either of you. I just thought maybe the support of both of us would be better than just me,” Bethany said desperately, her hand reaching over to grip Carver’s tightly.

Hawke felt something touch his hand, and he looked over at Anders, who had an inquiring look. He tilted his head, “I hate to ask, but what exactly happened between you two?”

Carver’s eyes lit up with fire and he clenched his free hand, “You want to see?” He asked with a deathly quiet voice. Without any prompting, Carver unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt and slid the collar back, showing off four puncture hole scars in a close row below his collarbone. Anders squinted and leaned forward, before he raised his eyebrows, “Looks like a fork wound.”

“It is. He-“ Carver pointed at Hawke, his stare extremely angry, “stabbed me when we had a fight. He was drunk,” He stated flatly, avoiding eye contact with Spencer.

Hawke crossed his arms as Anders looked at him for confirmation. “Yes, it did happen. And I regret it every day.”

“It sure didn’t look like it when you literally picked me up and slammed me into a god damn wall,” Carver hissed.

“You fucking punched Anders!” Hawke snarled back.

“Only because he deserved it. Once I got here, you had already left with this prick and Bethany was in tears when she explained what had happened over the course of a couple months,” Carver said.

“I don’t condone him punching you though, Anders! I’m so sorry!” Bethany quickly apologized to Anders, who gave her a small smile.

“This is ridiculous, Spencer! You’ve known this man for two fucking months. Two. Months. You’ve let him step all over you and drag you down and out! He doesn’t deserve you! I thought you had more sense than this!” Carver scolded Hawke like their father used too.

“I’m done listening,” Anders finally spoke up, and Spencer thought he was going to get up and walk out. But he crossed his legs like Hawke and clasped his hand around Hawke’s.

“I’m in love with Spencer. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, nor to him. I was stuck on something in the past and it made me do horrible things to Spencer, which he didn’t deserve. I don’t want to ever leave him. You, nor anyone else will change how I feel about him, nor will you stop me from seeing him. You aren’t his mother,” Anders said, his hand quivering in Hawke’s. Anders turned his gaze to Hawke, his stare extremely soft and tender.

“I don’t deserve him, you’re right. But I hope one day I will,” Anders pulled Spencer’s hand to his mouth and kissed the back of his hand.

Spencer’s whole face bloomed red and he turned away from Anders with an embarrassed laugh. Bethany smiled and ‘aww’ed’.

Carver frowned deeply at his brother, then pointed at Anders, “You’re not going to hurt him ever. If you do this shit again, I’ll hunt you down to the ends of the Earth and kill you.”

“And he’s in the military, so he could definitely find you,” Bethany added, nodding.

“That's it? You punch him and then you give up that easily? I'm usually supposed to be protecting you, not the other way around,” Hawke whined, recovering from the earlier embarrassment.

“That’s funny, I thought you just said you protect us,” Carver snorted, standing, “Anyways, I’m going to shower. I’m staying for the rest of the week. Merry Christmas.”

Hawke watched his brother retreat to his room, before he stood and scooped Bethany up into a big hug. She wrapped her arms around his torso and snuggled into the crook of his neck.

“You know Carver, even if he’s still angry with you, he’ll protect you,” She murmured.

“Unfortunately,” Hawke pulled back and planted a big smacker on his younger sister’s forehead. He then proceeded to stretch and grin down at her, “I’m heading out with Anders. I’ll be back later if you’re still here and I’ll open my presents.”

“You better be glad we stopped Bela from snooping in your gifts, she wanted to open the one Fenris got you so badly she poked a hole in the paper.”

Spencer turned towards Anders, nodding with a big smile. Anders looked startled for a moment, before his cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he stood up.

“So, your place then coffee?” Spencer put out his hand for Anders to take.

Anders nodded, letting out a smile, he took Hawke’s hand. Their fingers intertwined, Spencer led them out into the hall, the door to the apartment swinging shut with a click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll have one or two more chapters after this. Comments are moderated, so if you feel the need to post something about how the Fenris/Hawke relationship ended or disliking Anders... don't. Cause I'll delete it. :3
> 
> Thanks!


	11. Luxury Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this. I didn't expect much for this fic, but I'm happy some people liked it! I hope this ending is good? Not really sure where else I was going to take it.

### 

Chapter 11:

“So, are you scared of my family yet?” Hawke questioned Anders as they drove to the coffee shop.

“Carver looks like he wants to kill me, Bethany is unsure of my motives. And I haven’t met your parents. So, all-in-all, not a bad first impression, I suppose,” Anders shrugged.

“Well, unless you’re going to the afterlife anytime soon, you won’t meet my parents. They both are dead,” Spencer said with a small laugh.

Anders’ eyes widened quickly and he reached over, gently placing his hand over Hawke’s. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—oh, Maker, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t think much of it when people ask where my parents are,” Spencer tilted his head slightly and glanced over at Anders with a warm smile.

“It occurs to me that I don’t know much about you, love,” Anders murmured, squeezing Hawke’s hand before letting him go.

“I could say the same, you never really told me about you,” Hawke accused lightly.

“Well, I never knew my real parents. My dad was a dead-beat, I only stayed with my mom till I was five. And then… something happened. I was in an orphanage for a good 3 years. It was rough, there were a lot of children, not much food. And when kids don’t get food, they can become aggressive,” Anders turned his head towards the window, “But then the Cousland's adopted me. They have a daughter, Orchid, who is three years younger than me. The Cousland’s are rich, you see. They have a huge mansion in Denerim. Those are my parents, no matter what anyone says. They love me for me.”

“When did you meet Justice? He doesn’t seem like the type you’d hang around with,” Hawke questioned.

“Haha, you’re right. He wasn’t like that when he was a kid. He was in the orphanage as well. Don’t really think he ever got out. He stood up for me, cause I was a scrawny, tiny boy. I didn’t like him at first, he was so serious for his age. But I began to understand him, and we kept our friendship through all of school and even into college,” Anders explained, a wistful grin on his face.

“What about Karl?” Spencer blurted without thinking. A blush instantly crept onto Hawke’s face and he quickly focused his eyes on the road. He could see Anders tense up, his fist clenched in his lap. His eyes seemed thoughtful though.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything, it just slipped out.”

“No, it’s ok, Spencer. I probably should have told you about him beforehand. There was just never a good time,” Anders let out a sigh.

“I met him in high school, he was timid and small, almost reminded me of myself when I was in the orphanage. I was tall, lanky, and thought of myself as a ‘bad boy’. I felt the instant urge to protect him. So I did. He became good friends with Justice and I, and even with Orchid,” Anders breath becomes slightly shaky, “But, as you heard, when we got into a relationship, I only used him for sex. I thought my reputation would be in tatters if I came out as bisexual and dating Karl. I did terrible things during that time in my life.”

Spencer parked his car in front of the coffee shop, turning it off and turning to Anders. Anders was trembling, his eyes were swimming.

“But you got better, you’ve realized what you did was wrong. That’s all you can do right now,” Spencer murmured, reaching over and running his fingers through Anders’ golden locks.

“No, Spencer. I hurt Karl. That’s something that I can never take back. If I could go back, tell him how I’d really felt, told him I would tell everyone we loved each other if I could just keep him with me,” Anders curled his fingers into a fist and pressed it to his face. His features crumpled into anger mixed with self-hatred.

“And what about me?” Spencer leaned towards Anders, pressing his forehead against Anders’ slender shoulder.

“And then—and then I would have never met you, never fallen in love for real. Never would have found Karl and told him how I felt,” Anders murmured, his head falling back to sit against the headrest. His hand searched Hawke’s lap and found his, clasping it tightly.

“And now, you can’t get rid of me. No matter how hard you try,” Hawke nuzzled Anders’ shoulder, squeezing his hand back just as tightly.

“Thank you, love. For setting me free,” Anders pressed a delicate kiss to Hawke’s forehead, wiping away the tears that had leaked from his eyes.

“You did that yourself,” Hawke replied, undoing his seat-belt and getting out of the car.

They entered the lively coffee shop. Sebastian was at the counter, working like a pro as he usually did. There weren’t any customers in line, but he was making drinks for a couple women off to the side. They were smiling and waving at Sebastian, but he didn’t seem fazed in the slightest.

“Hello Hawke, you want your usual?” Sebastian asked, sliding drinks over to the ladies and coming over to the register.

Astonished, Hawke placed a gentle hand over his heart, “You actually remember my order?” He thought they were in an alternate universe at this point.

“I’m already starting to regret it,” Sebastian muttered, ringing up his order and then asking Anders what his was again.

Once Sebastian had made their drinks, Anders led him over to the little nook in the back of the coffee shop. They nestled in beside one another, Anders set his tea down on the coffee table and curled into Hawke. On the other hand, Spencer began to sip at his coffee, ignoring his protesting tongue. He wrapped his large arm around Anders and pulled him closer.

“Do you ever regret meeting me?” Anders suddenly asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at Anders in the crook of his arm. Anders was staring up at him, his head leaning back against Hawke’s shoulder. His amber eyes were vulnerable, and it caught him off guard. 

“Not at all. Never,” Spencer squeezed his shoulder.

“Even though I triggered something in you? Something that could have damaged you beyond repair?”

“Don’t talk like that. You aren’t a bad person, Anders. I don’t regret meeting you, because now I have you. And that’s all I could ask for,” Hawke pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, letting his lips linger as they sat in the warm shop.

They sat in silence for a while, Spencer finished his coffee and leaned forward to set it down. Anders followed him, practically clinging onto him. Once he was done, Hawke began to run his fingers through Anders’ hair. He loved the feeling of his silky locks going through his fingers.

“Do you mind if we head back to my apartment?” Anders murmured.

“Sure, you ready to go?” Spencer got up, Anders standing along with him. His tea was untouched, and was probably cold now. Anders picked it up anyways, taking it with him as they went back outside to the car.

“Is something wrong, love? You’ve been very quiet the whole time,” Spencer finally prodded at Anders when they were going down Kirkwall’s main street.

“Would it be an acceptable answer to say I’m exhausted?” Anders yawned to prove his point, covering his mouth with his hand.

“I suppose. I just don’t want you to second-guess our relationship, nor how I feel about you, ok? Because I love you, really. Nothing is going to change that.”

“I’m always going to feel guilty, love. I’ve done horrible things in my past and even now. You’re not saying anything I’ve haven’t already told myself. I just can’t let it go that easily,” Anders muttered.

“I just don’t want you to feel that this is a one-sided relationship. Because I’m going to be here for you, no matter what,” Spencer turned down an empty side road per Anders’ request. There were very nice and new apartments down here. Ones that Hawke could only afford in his dreams.

“Right here,” Anders pointed to a retro building that was a sleek black and grey. Surprised, Spencer parked his beat-up car and got out. His car felt out-of-place next to Porches and Lamborghinis.

“You live in here?” Spencer asked, flabbergasted.

“Yes, I do. I told you my parents are rich. They got me the best apartment when I moved out here,” Anders said with a small huff.

“Can we just…stand here for a moment and admire the view. It’s so beautiful,” Spencer sniffed and looked up at the nice building.

“Come inside, I’m not freezing my ass off to look at a building I see everyday,” Anders snapped with amusement, taking Spencer’s arm and leading him inside.

When the door opened, they were greeted with what looked like a hotel lobby. A man sat at a counter off the side, and he smiled at Anders as he passed, tipping his hat.

“He usually scans cards when unknown people come in, but since I’ve lived here for a while, he knows me,” Anders muttered to Hawke, practically having to drag him through the pretty lobby.

“Aw, you can’t let me look around at all?” Spencer whined as he was tossed into an elevator. Anders pressed the button for the top floor, which was floor 5.

“And you live at the top?! Do you live in a penthouse?” Hawke gasped, before shutting up quickly.

Anders stood in front of him, backing him against the wall. Though he was a bit shorter, he could overpower Hawke just because Spencer practically melted in his hands. Anders planted his hands on either side of Hawke, letting out a smirk.

“You haven’t even seen my apartment yet, love,” Anders told him as the elevator dinged for the top floor. Anders turned on his heel and left Spencer standing there, slack-jawed.

Excitement spurred him to followed after his boyfriend. Anders’ apartment was the first door on the right, and once inside, Spencer was in awe.

“So, what do you think?” Anders teased, leaning against his marble kitchen counter.

The whole apartment was huge. The kitchen was right in front, off to the left. It had black marble counter tops and a sleek silver fridge. In front of the door you had to go down two stairs into the living room. Floor-to-ceiling windows were on the farthest wall, showing the horizon over the older apartments across the street. There were simple pieces of furniture with clothes and books laying all over them, as well as a wide-screen tv.

“Wow, it’s…beautiful. I love it in here. Look at those windows! You can see the sun over there!” Spencer ran into the living room, and over to the windows.

“I hope you don’t mind, but while you’re searching your new surroundings, I’m going to take a cat nap,” Anders passed him and headed towards the only door in the living room.

Hawke glanced over at him, before following. He was jogging over when his shoes slipped on the hardwood. He went down face first, smacking his forehead against the hard floor.

“Fuck! Ouch!” Hawke yelled, getting into a sitting position and rubbing his forehead.

“Love, oh,” Anders began to laugh, pursing his lips, “You’re bleeding!”

“Probably split my head open! Fucking hell,” Hawke rubbed at his forehead, smearing the blood on his fingertips and his forehead.

“I have band-aids in my bathroom, c’mon,” Anders beckoned him, heading over to the closed door and opening it. Spencer hauled himself up and went in after him. The bedroom was large, with a king-sized bed in the middle. The sheets looked like silk, and they were a dark grey with a very fluffy black blanket on top. It wasn’t neatly made; clothes and books were once again scattered all over the bed’s surface.

“Over here,” Anders took Hawke’s hand and led him over to another door. They went into a very clean bathroom. The tiles were bright white, down to the floor. There was a large mirror in front of a double sink. There was a large tub off to the side as well as a walk-in shower with grey tiles. Even the toilet looked fancy.

“Andraste’s flaming tits, it’s so wonderful here. I’m gonna cry,” Spencer sniffled and sat himself on the counter while Anders got out some Band-Aids.

“Well, this is what I got. I don’t know if I need all this luxury, but it is nice to live here, for sure,” Anders applied the sticky side of the band-aid to Spencer, smoothing it out over his forehead. He smiled at Spencer, earning a smile back.

He leaned forward and kissed Hawke softly, tilting his head and cupping his lover’s cheek. Spencer returned the kiss earnestly, breaking it off too early for both. Anders sheepishly smiled and went back into the bedroom.

“Were you planning on napping with me?” Anders implored while removing his shirt and stretching.

“You aren’t the only one who got miserable sleep, love. I was with you,” Hawke teased, removing his shirt as well.

“I guess that’s true. Are you saying I can blame you?” Anders teased back, moving some textbooks off the bed and scooting under the messed-up covers.

Hawke followed suit, slipping out of his sweatpants so he was only in his boxers. He cuddled up to Anders instantly, becoming the big spoon as Anders rubbed his back and ass against Spencer.

“Careful now, I won’t be able to sleep,” Hawke murmured in Anders’ ear, placing a sloppy kiss on his temple.

“Don’t act like I’m tempting. Let me sleep, Spencer Hawke,” Anders closed his eyes and curled up.

And in that moment, with Anders’ light breathing filling is ear, his light hair spilling over his shoulder and tickling Hawke’s nose, and his peaceful face. It made Spencer realize he truly loved this man. Loved his everything. His troubled past, his quirks, his flaws, his personality, his virtues, everything. His face, hair, eyes, legs, every body part. To his freckled face to his charming words. Their relationship might have had a rough start, but Spencer wouldn't change anything. He wanted to be with this man for the rest of his life. No matter what. 

With that in mind, Hawke draped his arm over Anders, who snuggled farther into him, before closing his eyes for some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are. That's the end of this. I hope you all enjoyed it. This was my first Dragon Age Handers fic, and I'm glad I got to write it. Hopefully many people over the years will read this and get a smile on their face. :3
> 
> I was also thinking of making some kind of backstory fic for Karl and Anders, I'm not sure though. Eh.


End file.
